We Could Have had It All
by rabbitx14
Summary: With Finn's tragic death, Rachel now has to move on without the man she believed she would some day marry. Dealing with his death is anything but easy. Through it all, an surprising person from her past becomes a life line she so desperately needs. Watch as Rachel heals from the impossible and the journey that follows with it. Lots of mention of finchel and St Berry
1. Finn's Dead

_Hey guys. This is my first Glee fan fiction. I really had no intentions in writing a fan fiction for the show. I figured my days as a writer of these were long gone. Turns out this idea has just been in my head for a few months now and I felt it was time to get it all out. This will not be the easiest thing for me to write, especially in the first few chapters. I was always a Finchel fan, however, we all have to face the reality that we will never have Finchel as end game. Cory's tragic death has impacted the fans of Glee in a big way. I will personally always remember him fondly. I will remember his life and not focus on why he died. I do however feel that it is best to shine some light on what Cory must have been going through towards the end and for many years of his life._

_The story is Rachel focused. She loses Finn to the horrible clutch of death. This story focuses on the struggles she will have to face in mourning the man she believed would always be the one for her. She needs to learn to cope with her feelings while maintaining her grades, performances and preparation for her big Broadway debut in "Funny Girl". _

_This is the way I think would be best for Rachel's character to live after Finn's death. It will eventually become a St. Berry story but not for some time. He will come into the story early on but I'm not just going to thrust Rachel into his arms. It doesn't work like that. It's not realistic._

_As for the timeline, I'm not sure when the death will take place on the show so I will jive it with Cory Monteith's actual death._

_I hope you guys like this. Please be honest with your feedback. I always love to hear what people think of my work._

_Thanks guys :D_

**We Could Have had it All.**

**Part One:  
Tragedy**

**Chapter One:  
"Finn's dead."**

July 13th, 2013.  
3:00pm.  
New York City.

Rachel has just gotten into the door of her New York apartment. Her hands were full of bags from her latest shopping trip; from inside her purse was her phone, ringing again. She would have believed that the phone had been ringing for the last five or ten minute's straight. Frustrated, she threw the bags down onto her kitchen floor and rummaged through her purse. Finally, her iPhone was in her grasp. She raised an eyebrow at the notification on the screen. 10 missed calls from Finn.

She sighed and tossed her phone onto the table. Rachel has just had a rather difficult day at one of her dancing classes and was not in the mood to deal with her ex at the moment. They were good friends; in fact she still considered him one of her best friends, however, Finn had been wanting more. Part of Rachel did as well but there were so many things working against them at the moment. She barely had time to breathe let alone have any sort of a relationship. Even if it was long distance.

_It's not like I can go see him whenever I want. I haven't seen my dad's since Spring Break. I probably won't see them all summer unless they come here. He hasn't been able to come down here. He's taking his own classes this summer to get through quicker to be a teacher and coach. It's just not in the cards for us right now._

Her phone began to vibrate again. She groaned in frustration. She had told Finn the previous night to give her a few days alone to figure things out. That she needed space. She was beyond annoyed.

"Finn, while I admire your persistence I made it very clear I did NOT want to talk to you right now!" Rachel said into the phone with an annoyed growl.

"Rachel…." It wasn't Finn. It was Carol, his mother and she was crying.

"Ca…Carol?!" Rachel exclaimed, suddenly concerned. She sat up alert. "What's wrong?"

"It's Finn, Rachel." Rachel's blood went cold. "He…" Her sobs took over.

Rachel heard some movements, a few voices and then a sigh.

"Rachel? It's Burt," his voice was sad, Rachel could almost make out the unmistakable quality to his voice that suggested that he too had been crying recently, "How are you doing?"

Rachel's voice was shaky, "I'm okay I suppose, Burt. What's wrong with Finn? Was he hurt?"

Another sigh from Burt followed by a long pause. "There was an accident."

The blood drained from Rachel's face. An accident. Panic took over. Then she began to self sooth. Quinn had been in an accident, a bad one and she was okay. Finn was just hurt. He would be OK. He has to be OK.

"A c..car accident?" Rachel forced out.

"No, Rachel," Burt was now fighting back a fresh batch of tears, "Finn… he had gotten himself into some questionable groups at the University. We had no idea what was going on until one night he came home and I noticed the marks on his arms. He swore to us it wasn't serious. We tried convincing him to go into rehab for help but he pretty much refused."

"Rehab?!" Rachel exclaimed, "Why would he need rehab?! Finn is as straight laced as they come."

"Heroin."

Rachel froze. "But… his dad…."

"I know. He swore to his mom he would never get involved in that world. He was on top of the world at school and he helped McKinley win another National Championship, plus all the work he was doing with music around here. He was quickly becoming a local celebrity I guess you could say."

Rachel smiled through her tears. "I know. He was telling me about it all. What happened to him though? What does it have to do with you guys wanting him in rehab?"

Carol's sobs became louder in the background. Burt was on the verge of falling apart himself. "Rachel, Finn overdosed." Rachel's blood went cold. The air escaped her lungs. "Puck found him in his room at the house here. We were in DC at the time. The two of them were supposed to go shoot some hoops or something and when Finn ended up being so late… Puck got concerned. He came here and found Finn on his bed. Called 911 instantly."

Rachel was trembling badly. "Is he going to be ok? I mean Puck must have gotten to him in time if he called 911. They're going to fix him up and he is going to be alright –"

"Rachel," Burt cut her off. Little did she know, her three roommates Santana, Kurt and now Blaine were all walking into the apartment and coming up beside Rachel, taking note of her condition. "There was nothing they could do."

Rachel was now on the verge of losing it. "What do you mean there was nothing they could do? They deal with this kind of stuff all the time don't they? He is going to be o…"

"Rachel, sweetheart, I'm sorry."

Tears streamed down her face. Her friends around her gave one another concerned looks. "Why are you sorry?"

"Finn was already gone by the time Puck got there." Burt's voice broke. Tears had found him.

"Gone? What do you mean gone?"

"Finn's dead, Rachel."

Rachel froze. The world around her froze. Her phone she had been holding to her ear fell to the floor in a heap. Kurt grabbed the phone and talked to his father. A look of horror followed by a fountain of tears and words of disbelief flew from Kurt. Blaine grabbed Kurt and tried to wrap his arms around his boyfriend. Rachel was still frozen in the chair. Santana was desperately trying to get the distraught girl to respond to her.

"You're lying!" Kurt yelled into the phone as sobs took over his body, "This is a cruel, sick joke dad. Finn isn't dead!"

Santana's head whipped around in Kurt's direction, tears in her eyes and look of disbelief on her face. Blaine closed his eyes and tried to stay together as the tears forsook him.

"Finn's dead," Rachel said causing Santana to return her attention to the still frozen girl, "Finn's dead."

Santana was now crying more than she would have ever liked to admit. She pulled the chair around so that she could kneel in front of her friend, "Rachel, talk to me, what happened?"

Santana jumped slightly at the sound of Rachel's phone flying into the wall. She glanced over at Kurt and Blaine. Kurt was on his knees being held by his crying lover as his body shook with grief. They had lost a friend, a brother, a lover. Santana tried her hardest to keep herself together. There was a young woman before here in an obvious state of shock. The only words that Rachel could say was that Finn was dead.

Finally, Santana snapped. She collapsed against Rachel's legs and sobbed. She was surprised when Rachel's hands rested on her back. Rachel fell from the chair and collapsed into Santana's arms. Together the four friends sobbed as they mourned the loss of a great individual who had touched each of their lives in ways they could never forget.

Together they grieved the loss of Finn Hudson.


	2. Saying Goodbye

_Since this is a Glee story I know music is a big part of it all. I have seen stories in the past where they have kept it something like the show where the characters would use music to express themselves when they need too. That's what I will be doing throughout the story. The first bit of that is in this piece._

_Thank you to the fans who have read it and an even bigger fans to those who have reviewed. That's the driving force behind my work. Thank you! 3_

_I do not own Glee. I also don't own any of the lyrics within this chapter. Songs are credited at the end of the chapter.  
_

_EDIT: I re-wrote part of it. Parts of it didn't set well with me so I changed it up!_

* * *

**Chapter 2  
Saying Goodbye**

_July 17th, 2013._

_Lima, Ohio._

It was the day they had all been dreading. The day they all hoped would just wind up being a horrible dream. It wasn't. It was as real as it could be. Rachel sat on her bed that her parents kept for her at home. Her hair was pulled back into a neat ponytail. Her end amble was a simple black outfit which consisted of a blouse and pants courtesy of Vogue. It was one of Kurt's many attempts to help his closest friend feel just a little better. Around her neck was a gold chain holding a name that had become precious beyond measure. Finn.

There was a small rapping on the door. Her father, Leroy, popped his head into the room.

"Rachel, sweetheart," he said softly, "it is time to go."

She nodded. Not daring to say a word. She stood up and slowly made her way to her father, wrapping her arms around him for dear life. He held her close, rubbing her back in a soothing matter. They stood like this for a few moments before Rachel gathered the strength to step back.

"Let's go," she whispered.

The funeral home was packed. It was as though the entire population of McKinley high from Finn's years as a student had found their way to the services as well as the current students he had been working with in Glee alongside William Scheuster. The first few rows of the chapel space was reserved. The first row was reserved for Finn's family on one side and on the other, Rachel and her dads along with Puck. Rachel starred at urn on display. The memories of what had happened a few days ago came crashing back...

_There it was, just a few feet in front of her. The last time she would ever lay eyes on the love of her life. Shortly after Quinn's car accident, Rachel and Finn had discussed plans for their departure in the event that anything was to happen. Rachel stayed firm that she would be having a traditional Jewish funeral. Finn on the other hand had only one request – he wanted to be cremated. Carol wanted to respect her son's wishes of course but she also knew that there was a comfort and a sense of closure to saying your final goodbyes to an actual body. Something an urn just couldn't give. Carol arranged to have his closest family and friends to have that chance with a private viewing. The day following his tragic death, Finn's immediate family, Rachel, Mr. & Mrs. Scheuster and the rest of the Glee club he was a part of gathered at Lima's funeral home to have that chance._

_Rachel slowly approached the casket holding Finn, tears threatening to fall. Rachel was alone in the room, a simple request that she had made; something everyone seemingly understood. This was something she had to do alone. This was the final chance she had to be with Finn. As she reached the side of the coffin, her strength crumbled and tears poured from her eyes. He looked peaceful. Handsome. She remembered the nights she watched him sleep; even then she looked at him as though he was a sleeping angel and now that is what he would be forever. Her angel. _

"_Finn…" Rachel choked out as she ran her finger ever so gently down his ice cold cheek. "Why Finn? Why would you do this to yourself… too me?" She laid her forehead against his chest and let the overwhelming grief take her over. "We were supposed to be endgame! Finchel forever, don't you remember all the times you said that too me?! How could you be so reckless and not think about what you were doing?! Why couldn't you pick up the phone and tell me what was going on?"_

_She pulled herself away from the coffin for a moment to recompose herself. Yelling wasn't going to bring him back. She was upset, angry even but this is not how she wanted to remember him. It was an unfortunate, tragic accident. She refused to let his end define his life. With a heavy hearted sigh, she turned around once more and walked over to Finn's casket._

"_How am I going to be able to do this without you, Finn?" She whispered._

_Without warning, the memory of Christmas a few years passed came to mind... His voice echoed through her mind._

'_I named it Finn Hudson, because there is already a star called Rachel Berry and she's right here on earth and she's brighter than any of those stars up there. So I wanted to make sure that whenever she feels lonely, she can look up at the sky and no matter where I am, she can know that I'm looking down on her'_

_A smile crossed her face for the first time in a few days. He would always be watching over here that was something she could always hold onto. She reached for Finn's hand and gently held it._

"_I am going to miss you forever Finn," Rachel choked out, "I will never stop loving you and you will forever go on in my heart."_

_She leaned forward and gently brushed her lips against his._

"_Goodbye Finn."_

* * *

The service had begun and Rachel just continued to sit in a daze as the preacher spoke about Finn. She listened but tried to push the majority of what was being said out of her mind. The service was beautiful with those closest to him taking the time to praise Finn or to say goodbye with spoken words. She knew she was going to have to make her way up there at some point. She was dreading it though, knowing she would not be able to keep herself together through her speech. Her attention was gained as Kurt, Blaine and Mercedes made their way to the front to perform the piece they had prepared. Kurt stepped out in front of the trio and took a shaky breath.

"Finn was, as he eloquently put it at our parent's wedding, my brother from another mother. We were Furt," tears were gently finding their way down his cheek. "Words cannot describe what Finn meant to me. I miss you, Finn."

He stepped back slowly as the music for "One Sweet Day" by Mariah Carey and Boyz II Men began to play.

Blaine:_  
Sorry I never told you  
All I wanted to say  
And now it's too late to hold you  
'Cause you've flown away  
So far away_

Mercedes:_  
Never had I imagined  
Living without your smile  
Feeling and knowing you hear me  
It keeps me alive  
Alive_

Rachel couldn't help the tears that fell from her eyes as her friends sang tribute to her lost love. A smile crept across her face as members of New Direction made their way up to their team mates to join in on the tribute.

New Directions:  
_And I know you're shining down on me from heaven  
Like so many friends we've lost along the way  
And I know eventually we'll be together  
One sweet day_

Sam: (Artie) ((Mercedes))  
_Darling I never showed you (I never showed you)  
Assumed you'd always be there (I thought you'd always be there)  
I took your presence for granted  
But I always cared ((But I always cared))  
And I miss the love we shared_

New Directions: (Mercedes & Blaine vocalizing in background)  
_And I know you're shining down on me from heaven  
Like so many friends we've lost along the way  
And I know eventually we'll be together  
One sweet day_

Blaine:  
_Although the sun will never shine the same again  
I'll always look to a brighter day_

Kurt:  
_Lord I know when I lay me down to sleep  
You will always listen as I pray_

New Directions:  
_And I know you're shining down on me from heaven  
Like so many friends we've lost along the way  
And I know eventually we'll be together  
One sweet day_

Blaine/Kurt:  
_Sorry I never told you  
All I wanted to say_

Rachel stood up following the moving tribute done by her friends and participated in a group hug with them. Feeling their love and support she was able to fester some strength to do what she needed to do. She took Kurt's hand and brought him up to the centre of the chapel and put on her best show face, smile and all.

"Before I say a few words regarding Finn, I just wanted to personally thank all of you for the love and support everyone has shown over these past few days. Finn... oh what can I say about Finn? Everyone who met him was touched by his heart and good nature, even if they didn't want to admit it at first," Rachel glanced over at Santana, making her smirk, "For those who knew him in Glee, you were lucky enough to experience his talent and incredible leadership skills."

Rachel's strength was weaning. Despite the forced smile on her face, tears were freely falling and her voice gave way to the pain she was feeling. Around the room, friends and family were sharing her sorrow. Carol, despite her own agony gave Rachel weak smile to encourage her.

Rachel took another deep breath and continued on the best she could, "My love for Finn came easy, naturally and almost instantaneously. He was my first love and he is a love that I will cherish in my heart forever. Even thousands of miles away, he always found a way to support me and have my back; even when my decisions were less then stellar. He not only taught me a great deal that I will never forget and touched the lives of so many. Everyone in this room can attest to his good heart. He cared for everyone he met. We were blessed to have known him, regardless of how short that time may have been." Rachel glanced over towards the urn and the photograph of him that she took at Nationals in Chicago and choked out a sob, "I miss him so much. I can't believe that none of us will ever see him again…"

With that, any strength she had left dissolved instantly. She momentarily had to lean on Kurt for strength before she mumbled a sorry to the group in front of her and ran off. She took off out of the chapel and ran towards the room the funeral home had reserved for family of lost loved ones. She slammed the door and stood in the middle of the room for a moment before the grief and tears became too much for her. She fell to her knees and sobbed. The shock that had numbed her before was gone; the full realization that Finn was gone hit her like a truck. Never again would she be able to feel his arms around her tightly, or to feel the softness of his lips or hear the laughter in his voice every time they talked. A senseless, preventable tragedy tore him away from her in the cruelest of ways. Rachel's mind began to run a mile a minute. Regret after regret filled her.

_I should have made things better with him. This is MY fault. If I never would have broken up with him he would still be here…._

Scream-like sobs escaped Rachel's frame as her body shook. The door to the room swung open and Kurt, Santana and Rachel's dads came running in. Santana and Kurt were at Rachel's side within seconds, wrapping their arms around their devastated friend as they did in New York. Rachel's father Hiram began to rub her back gently while trying to sooth her while Leroy went to the water cooler to get Rachel some water like he would do when she was a child.

"Here Rachel," Leroy said softly, handing his daughter a glass of water

Rachel's friends loosened on their holds they had on her to give her a chance to get a drink. Rachel hastily grabbed the glass and tossed it across the room effectively startling everyone. She stood up, pulling away from her friends and fathers and turned towards them. The hurt was evident in her eyes.

"Do you really think a glass of water is going to make this better?!" She shouted angrily. "I'm not a baby anymore! This is real! You can't just make it all better with a glass of water! He's gone! Nothing is ever bringing him back!"

While Kurt and her dads were in apparent shock over the outburst, Santana slowly approached her. A look of empathy in her eyes.

"Rachel," her voice barely a whisper, "take a deep breath and cal..."

"Don't you DARE tell me to calm down!" Rachel spat at the girl. Her voice almost a growl. "This is my fault! I have to live with the guilt of it. Not you, not Kurt, not Carol... Me. I broke up with him and... He turned to drugs. He wanted to numb the pain, I know it."

"No, that's not true at all," Santana responded softly, "Remember when you found out about Brody?" Rachel nodded, "even when Finn punched his lights out, he was clean."

"When did it start? Something must've..."

"Sometime after your Funny Girl audition," this time Kurt spoke. "Carol and my father have no clue what started it. A few weeks ago, they found him in his car... In a compromising state. They pretty much demanded he go to rehab. Turns out it had been going on for a while but he hid it well. He refused to go to rehab..."

"You knew?!" Rachel snarled and she dove at her fried only to be held back by Santana and Leroy, "Why didn't you tell me?! You were supposed to be my best friend!"

"We were going to the night we found out about his death. I had spoken to Carol and my dad earlier that morning. We had tickets waiting for us at the airport," Kurt states fighting back tears of his own, "We were too late. The dose of heroin and alcohol was too much on him. His heart gave out and there was no one around."

"He died alone," Rachel slowly said before she fell to her knees once more, "oh Finn..."

Santana held her friend close. Despite their previous rocky relationship, Santana's heart broke for Rachel. The impact of Finn's death rocked her to the core. She couldn't even begin to imagine how Rachel felt. Finn had been one of her dearest friends. They shared a special bond, even if she never would have admitted to it. But Rachel was the love of his life. Nothing could compete with that.

There was a small knock on the door - it was Emma and Will. Will whispered something to Kurt leading him to nod and hurry out the door, Emma closely behind. Will walked over to his former students with a heart broken expression.

"How is she doing?" Will asked Hiram.

"Not well as you can imagine," was his only response.

Will nodded and knelt down in front of Rachel, "The service is over. Would you like to head to the Hummel-Hudson house hold now or would you like a few minutes still?"

Rachel stayed silent for a moment. Her mind was racing. Her heart pounded in her chest like a set of drums - like Finn's drums. She held back a sob as memories of Finn playing the kit in the choir room with that smirk on his face as he sang "Jessie's Girl" all those years ago. It was clear at that moment what she needed to do. She lifted her head and called for her dads. Leroy knelt down beside her, placing a loving hand on her back.

"I would like to go to the wake," she whispered, "but there's somewhere I need to go first. Somewhere I can connect with Finn again."

Leroy and Will nodded, understanding what she meant. Leroy held his hand out to his daughter and helped her stand up.

"We can stop on our way to Kurt's place," Leroy suggested softly, careful not to mention Finn's name. "Hiram, would you mind going with William?"

Hiram shook his head, "of course not. You take care of our little star."

"Don't call me that," Rachel sneered, "Stars are supposed to shine brightly, my light has gone out."  
Without another word, Leroy and Rachel left the room. Hiram looked down at the floor at a loss in regards to his daughter and her broken heart. Deep down he feared his daughter would never truly recover.

"I know my daughter can be over dramatic, however, this time I fear there is a sense of truth to her words," Hiram whispered sadly looking at Will, "this was the love of her life. I don't think Rachel believes that she will ever bounce back and heal."

Santana stared in the direction Rachel had just left in with a look that clearly stated she was planning something. This was how Rachel was. Dramatic to an extreme. While Santana never truly got the overabundance of her flare for dramatics she understood why she could feel that way. She also understood that no one in Rachel's immediate circle could possibly grasp her personality when she got like this. If Rachel was ever going to break out of her funk, then they were going to need help.

"Mr. Shue, Mr. Berry," Santana said still looking at the door with determination, "please send Carol my regards. I am not sure that I will be able to make the celebration of Finn's life. There's something I need to do to help Rachel."

They nodded in agreement, understanding that arguing with the young woman was moot point. She hurried out the door and said a word to no one as she made her way to the car. She glanced down at the clock on her radio of the rental car. 2:30pm. with any luck, she would be in Akron by 5:00pm.

* * *

Rachel stood at centre stage of McKinley High's auditorium remembering all the times she spent there with Finn. All the big moments of their relationship, with the exception of their "first time" took place on this stage. The first time they met. First time they sang, their first date, first kiss, when Finn proposed and when she broke up with him. It all happened here. She always envisioned that this was where they would rekindle the flame of their love. She closed her eyes and allowed her mind to play back all the precious memories and what could have been. Without realizing it, words began to flow from her lips.

_Every night in my dreams__  
__I see you, I feel you,__  
__That is how I know you go on__  
__Far across the distance__  
__And spaces between us__  
__You have come to show you go on_

Rachel moved to the side of the stage and she imagined Finn on stage with her much like she did when she sang "Don't Stop Believing" for her "Funny Girl" open call. She smiled as the words continued on.

_Near, far, wherever you are__  
__I believe that the heart does go on__  
__Once more you open the door__  
__And you're here in my heart__  
__And my heart will go on and on__  
_

Rachel stood centre stage once more with her arms around herself imagining Finn was behind her holding her tightly as she sang.

Love can touch us one time  
_And last for a lifetime__  
__And never let go till we're gone__  
__Love was when I loved you__  
__One true time I hold to__  
__In my life we'll always go on__Near, far, wherever you are__  
__I believe that the heart does go on__  
__Once more you open the door__  
__And you're here in my heart__  
__And my heart will go on and on_

Rachel paused, tears flowing freely from her eyes. She breathed heavily as she became overwhelmed with memories. Centering herself, she took a deep breath and allowed herself to force the songs climax through her tears.

_You're here, there's nothing I fear,__  
__And I know that my heart will go on__  
__We'll stay forever this way__  
__You are safe in my heart__  
__And my heart will go on and on__  
_  
Once she was finished, she stood there catching her breath and smiled. For the first time since learning about Finn's death she felt a little less lost. She knew Finn would always be with her.

* * *

_Akron, Ohio._

Santana pulled into a parking spot in the nearly abandoned parking lot. The only other vehicles in sight was a single large black range rover. It was summer time and she knew the building would be deserted with the exception of the auditorium. She smiled with satisfaction and excited her car. She straightened out the skirt of her black pinstripe suit set and walked confidently into the building and straight for her destination. As she approached the obnoxiously large auditorium, she heard the gentle sounds of a piano mixed with a voice that not only made her cringe but one that she respected. She opened the door as quietly and sure enough, the young man she had driven all this way to visit was at centre stage. Lost in the melody, Santana leaned against the wall and listened.

_I know some things should just stay broken__  
__I'm well aware this should remain unspoken__  
__But I've been working on the things that I was learning all wrong, oh__  
__I know sometimes I only twist ya__  
__And maybe I'm too proud to say I missed ya__  
__But what if here and now, I tell you that I'm all figured out?__  
__Or maybe I just like how that sounds__  
__I know we__  
__Said it's just as well that I won't keep, keep you for myself__  
__But I don't want to see you happier with somebody else_  
_Ohh…_

Santana smirked then remembered why she was here. She took a deep breath and composed herself for what she was sure would be a difficult conversation, "After all this time," Santana shouted causing the young man to stop playing, "You're still hung up on Berry, aren't you?"

"Well if it isn't the Queen Mega Bitch of the New Directions," the young man said smugly as he rose from the piano, "whatever brings you all the way to Akron? Last I heard you were in New York."

Santana kept her face serious, "This isn't a time for smart ass bantering, St. Jackass. I can't believe I am going to say this but I need your help."

Jessie laughed, amused, "Oh whatever could you need my help with? Has the New Directions become that much of a joke?"

"It's Rachel."

* * *

-  
_Yes. A cliffhanger. I considered leaving it with Rachel but I knew everyone would be going crazy wanting to know where Santana went. The songs used in this chapter, in order are:__  
__One Sweet Day - Mariah Carey and BoyzIIMen__  
__My Heart Will Go On - Celine Dion__  
__So Soon - Mariana's Trench.__  
_

_Before people jump to conclusions, yes Jessie is in the story now but it won't be an instant fall back in love and run off into the sunset thing. Rachel still loves Finn very much and has a lot of mourning today before she can ever truly move on. So Jessie won't just be replacing Finn.__Please read and review. This chapter wasn't easy to write and I appreciate all feedback._


	3. Not the End

_First off, thank you to all my readers. This story is getting a lot of traffic which makes me happy :D This chapter was another tricky one for me to write. _

_To those who have reviewed thank you – but on that note as well, over 150 people read the last chapter alone. I got two reviews. Please review so I know if you guys like it!_

I did get messaged being asked how often I would be updating – I would like to do it every two or three days; however, realistically I'll say two times a week guaranteed; this could be more often. I had this chapter originally written last night, however, my phone decided to delete it and I had to start over.

_I don't own Glee. Songs will be credited at the end._

* * *

**Chapter 3:  
Not the End**

Lima, Ohio

The celebration of Finn's life had been a beautiful one. It was a chance for family and friends to spend together to remember the life that Finn had lived. Memories were shared, tears were cried, and bittersweet laughter filled the sad affair. Members of the Glee family had shared songs in remembrance of their friend and brother. All but Rachel. Since returning from McKinley's auditorium, she hadn't been able to find her voice. It wasn't until she overheard Quinn, her now good friend and Finn's ex-girlfriend, freak out in the back yard of the Hummel-Hudson home. She kept crying, screaming the one thing Rachel asked herself more than not: Why? Rachel walked over to Puck and whispered something in his ear. With a smile and a nod, he led Quinn and the rest of the Glee kids and Finn's and Rachel's parents into the living room where the makeshift stage had been set up. Puck sat down with his guitar and waited patiently for Rachel.

"I would like to take this opportunity to share a song with you," Rachel said, her voice strong and her best show face on display, "I think that everyone in this room can relate to it with this tragedy. Finn always found the best way to express himself was through music and I would like to share thing with not only everyone here but with Finn," her voice cracked but she stayed strong, or as strong as she could, "I know he's watching down on us with a smile."

Puck began to play a country-eque melody which was both haunting and beautiful at the same time. Rachel nodded at him in gratitude and let the words slip from her lips.

_You must have been in a  
Place so dark  
You couldn't feel the light  
Reachin' for you through  
That stormy cloud  
Now here we are  
Gathered in our little hometown  
This can't be the way  
You meant to draw a crowd_

Rachel held her composure and was grateful for the comforting smiles she was receiving from the group in front of her. Like she could at the auditorium, she could feel Finn with her.

_Oh why, that's what I keep asking  
Was there anything I could've  
Said or done  
Oh, I had no clue you were  
Masking  
A troubled soul, God only knows  
What went wrong and why  
You would leave the stage  
In the middle of a song_

_Now in my mind I'll keep you frozen  
As a seventeen-year-old  
Rounding third to score the  
Winning run  
You always played with passion  
No matter what the game  
When you took the stage  
You'd shine just like the sun  
_

Rachel was now in full tears, however, with some miracle she kept her voice from breaking. The guests around her were in tears. Carol was wrapped in Burt's arms, Kurt in Blaine's. His family. The Glee kids were all grouped together in a makeshift group hug with Will and Emma embraced. Her fathers looked on at their daughter with admiration. They knew deep down she was falling apart. She glanced over at Puck and he nodded in response, joining her in singing the sad song.

_Oh why, that's what I keep asking  
Was there anything I could've  
Said or done  
Oh, I had no clue you were  
Masking  
A troubled soul, God only knows  
What went wrong and why  
You would leave the stage  
In the middle of a song_

Puck played the instrumental break to perfection, allowing Rachel a moment to recompose herself.

_Now the oak trees are swaying  
In the early autumn breeze  
A golden sun is shining on my face  
Through tangled thoughts  
I hear a mockingbird sing  
This old world really ain't that  
Bad of a place_

_Oh why, there's no comprehending  
And who am I to try to  
Judge or explain  
Oh, but I do have one  
Burning question  
Who told you life wasn't  
Worth the fight  
They were wrong, they lied  
Now you're gone and we cry  
'Cause it's not like you to  
Walk away  
In the middle of a song_

_Your beautiful song  
Your absolutely beautiful song_

As Puck wrapped up the last of the chords, Rachel let the tears fall. Her friends were at her side in an instant, engulfing her in a hug. Together they shared their pain.

All that was missing was Santana. Rachel wondered where she had gone, however, never questioned it. She knew she dealt with her emotions in her own way. She was going to respect that.

* * *

_**Carmel High,****  
****Akron, Ohio.**_**  
**  
The color drained from Jessie's face as he started at the woman in front of him. He ran his hands through his hair and gave Santana an equally serious look.

"What's wrong with Rachel?" Jesse asked, his voiced laced with worry, "is she alright?"

Santana sighed sadly and shook her head, "No. She's a dramatic wreck. Normally I'd shake it off to her being a drama queen but I can't. Not this time."

Jesse snarled, assuming the worst. _If that Frankenstein wannabe hurt her I will tear him apart, _"What did he do to her this time?"

Santana raised an eyebrow at him, "when was the last time you checked up on her?"

"When I found out she was casted in Funny Girl a few weeks ago," Jesse answered jumping off the stage and walked over to Santana. "Did the oaf decide to try to talk her out of it?"

Santana was growing sick of the bullshit and quickly. She cursed under her breath at Jesse and barely whispered, "Finn's dead."

Jesse froze. All smug wiped off his face within seconds and the realization of the situation dawned on him. Sure, he hated Finn with a passion. He won the girl of his dream. He was slated to marry her. Rachel was absolutely crazy about Finn, even if Jesse always believed that they were completely wrong for each other. Despite his feelings towards the younger boy, he knew he didn't deserve to be dead. Alone and miserable maybe, but not dead. He knew how much this would affect Rachel. This kind of devastation could destroy her spirit. Sorta like he did when he broke the egg over her head.

"How?"

"Not important," Santana said simply crossing her arms. This made Jesse raise his eyebrow but he didn't question it, "the fact of the matter is that Rachel is destroyed, naturally. Being Rachel, she said today that in order for a star to shine their light..."

"Must shine bright," Jesse finished with a smile as he remembered a time when he said that to Rachel, "I told her that her light shines brighter than any other. I don't see how her saying that is a bad thing."

Santana gave him a look, hating being interrupted. "Well, today she said her light has gone out. I'm concerned about what this is going to mean for her. Opening for _Funny Girl_ is in a few months and without her "I'm a star, Rachel Berry drive" - she may lose her one chance to make it big. You know as well as I do that these chances don't come knocking on your door often."

"If at all," Jesse noted. He jumped up so he was sitting on the ledge of the stage, "What can I realistically do? I doubt anyone would let me within a hundred feet of her..."

"Come to New York," Santana said simply. "Wasn't it always your dream to make it big on Broadway as well? How's that going for you? Coaching Vocal Adrenaline, the biggest has-beens in show choir history going to get you there?"

He laughed. _If she only knew_, "When does she return to New York?"

Santana shrugged, "I would like to get back there sooner than later. Probably by the end of the week but with Berry I have no idea," Santana paced for a second then came to a halt and turned to Jesse, "Do you still have her cell phone number?"

Jesse blushed, though he tried to hide it, "Of course I do. I have been tempted many times to write to her or call."

Santana looked at him as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Then text her. Let her know you're thinking of her in a time like this. Offer support than get your sorry ass to New York. I'm not saying make her forget Finn and date you because let's be real here, it is going to take her a long ass time before she can shake this especially considering how he died," she paused and pointed a finger at him before she resumed pacing, "which I won't tell you. Let her. You know as well as I do, she may never recover from this. She's always considered Finn the love of her life." Santana noticed the look of hurt in his eyes and almost felt sorry for the older man. "You're the one who understands her. I always thought you were like her male twin or something like that. You get the drama. You get the theatrics of it all. None of us can. What she needs from you right now..."

"Is a friend that just _gets_ her," Jessie finished. Santana nodded.

"You can't go into this thinking you stand a chance because that's selfish and I will go all Lima Heights on your Carmel ass," she warned, "I'm serious, St. jackass, no ulterior motives. Just a friend."

He nodded, "I wouldn't dream of it. The healing process is a long and complex thing. Or so they tell me. I've never lost anyone like that. Even if I did it wouldn't affect me in..."

Santana rolled her eyes, "oh please. We both know if something ever happened to Rachel you'd be a shell of yourself. Look at you now I came in here and you're being a melancholy with the music." Santana sighed and looked Jesse straight in the eyes, "Listen, St. Jackass, I don't like you. I've never liked you."

"I'll consider your proposal, Santana," Jessie said as he jumped of the stage again and offered to shake her hand. "My condolences to you and yours. You can see yourself out I am sure."

Without another word, Jesse walked away from Santana, making his way towards the piano and the opening music to the song he had been singing when she arrived filled the air. Santana sighed and walked up the aisle leading to the door. She had her doubts about Jesse St. James but she knew he would come around in the end.

Once out of sight, Jesse sighed heavily and rested his head against the piano. Without another thought or chance to talk himself out of it, he picked up his phone and texted Rachel.

_I understand._

He locked his phone and began letting his mind take over. He was going to need to formulate a plan. Little had Santana known, he had already been in New York for the past year. He was simply visiting Carmel to prep Vocal Adrenaline for the upcoming competition year before his assistant director took over. His job was simple – prepare the music, develop choreography and teach it all to his senior members. He was the mind behind the reinvention of the program. He would have stayed on as director however, his new scholarship to NYUSteinhardt's Music Theater program called his name so he settled for a more behind the scenes position. The pay was still relatively good, not that money was ever an issue for anyone from the St. James family. Just as his hands began to play a beautiful melody, his phone chimed. He glanced at it and saw Rachel's name. Stunned he opened the text.

_Understand what, exactly?_

He smiled and typed a quick response.

_That the light has gone out. Give it time. Remember what I said, singing "Don't Cry for me Argentina" to a sold out crowd isn't a fantasy, it's an inevitability. _

_I'm done, Jesse. I can't live that dream when Finn will never see what comes of it. _

_Rachel, he would never let you do this. Didn't he give up marrying you in order to make sure those dreams came true?_

The second he hit send, he instantly regretted it. It was probably not something she needed to be reminded of. He muttered that he was an idiot just as his phone chimed.

_Yes. But he still would have been there for my opening nights. Who's going to help me prepare for the big performances or say break a leg or… anything… I can't. I'm simply destroyed._

_Are you watching 'The Way We Were'?_

_Yes._

_You were destined for great thing, Rachel Barbra Berry. It seems impossible but you'll get better. You'll heal and you'll go on to take Broadway by storm. The whole time you do it, Finn will be watching down at you with a smile on his face and he will forever be your guardian angel. He'll never leave you. Not unless you forget him which we both know will never happen. Make him proud. Let that be your driving force. _

Five minutes had passed and still there was no response. He sighed and put his phone down. Maybe he said too much. Overstepped his boundaries; yes that was probably it. Maybe she considered him to be trying to come in and take over Finn's place. In reality, sure, he would have gladly taken that spot years ago but he couldn't dare to do that now; not yet. As much as he had to admit it, Santana was right. What Rachel needed more than ever right now was a friend. His phone chimed and Rachel's face appeared on the screen.

_I'll rethink pulling out of Funny Girl. Thank you._

Jesse smiled. He had never been all that good of a friend in the past. Maybe now he could learn how to be.

_You're welcome._

* * *

It had been a week since Finn's funeral. Rachel had opted to spend the majority of her time curled up in a ball sleeping or crying. Occasionally she would muster the energy to bathe or watch a movie or on an even rarer occasion eat something. The depression was too much for her. Regret lived in her mind more than anything. She wanted nothing more than to go back into the past and never break up with Finn. Maybe then he would still be alive. She had seen her therapist numerous times thanks to the home visits arranged by her father. There was an unopened bottle of SSRI's sitting on her night stand; nothing could numb the pain. On one occasion she considered taking the entire bottle at one time however something stopped her. It was almost as though she could hear _his_ voice plead with her not to do it. It had also been a week since Jesse texted her. She knew it was completely out of the blue but that was how Jesse was. She never bothered to question how he even knew about Finn's death. He always had a way of knowing everything. It was both flattering and unsettling at the same time. She tried to remember what he said about making Finn proud. Deep down she knew that Finn would have wanted her to be strong and make all her dreams come true. But he had promised to be there when she did her first performance of Funny Girl. He was supposed to be at all her performances. Jessie assured her that he always would be; that Finn was her guardian angel. Maybe he was. No. He was and always would be. Yet, despite knowing that she just couldn't come to grips on how she was supposed to go on without him.

Her thoughts were momentarily shattered by a knock at her down. She groaned reluctantly and called for whoever it was to come in. She was expecting the usual attempt of motivation or even her therapist. She was almost surprised to see Carol at her bedroom door. Rachel sat up and made an attempt to straighten herself up – even though it was useless. It was clear how much of a mess she was. Carol looked a little more together. Her hair was pulled into a messy ponytail, she was wearing a pair of sweat pants and one of Burt's shirts. Rachel wondered how she managed to hold herself together better than she ever could imagine. In Carol's hands was a fairly large box.

"Hey Carol…" Rachel stammered, "I'd ask how you're feeling but I can imagine."

She offered the teenager a sympathetic smile, "Normally I would say that you couldn't possibly imagine but you're the exception to that. He was my son. He was your true love. I couldn't imagine how I would feel if I lost Burt."

Rachel watched as she put the box down on the bed and sat beside it. She studied Carol for a moment before speaking, "How did you… after…"

"Christopher's death?" Carol asked sensing Rachel's discomfort. Rachel nodded. "I took it one day at a time. I couldn't understand why he would throw his life away like that. It took me years to understand that he was pulled in deep by a horrible disease. He couldn't fight his demons. I blamed myself forever. I always believed I did something wrong or that I could have done something to prevent it."

"If I would not have broken up…" Rachel choked out only to be stopped by Carol.

"Don't ever think that, Rachel," the older woman said sternly yet with understanding to her voice. "Finn loved you. All he ever talked about was the life he had planned for you two. He even was trying to take steps to be there for you in New York."

Rachel looked up at Carol with confusion, "I don't understand. Finn hated New York."

She shook her head, "No, he was just lost and confused. He didn't really understand what he wanted to do with his life. All he knew was he wanted you to be a part of it somehow. He had applied to a few schools in New York, looking to transfer. He also sent around this," she handed Rachel a video tape, "video to a few of the schools as a mailed in audition. He told me this song made him think of you whenever he wanted to give up. You should watch it." She leaned forward and hugged the emotional young woman in front of her. "This box has a bunch of his stuff in it that I think you would have liked to have before you go back to New York and don't say you're not going back. Watch the video before making any decisions."

Rachel nodded, "I will. I promise."

Carol stood and went to leave Rachel's room when she stopped and turned to face her once more, "Rachel, I know how hard this is for you. I've walked in these shoes before. Nothing about it is fun. It's going to be a long, hard road for you but I know that you will someday start to heal. Finn always believed you were meant for something great. His time here may be over but you have a chance to carry that legacy. I know you're going to make him proud. It's okay to heal, to live your life without him. It seems as though it's not okay but it's what he would have wanted. Don't be a stranger, Rachel. Next time you're in town come with Kurt to say hi."

With that, Carol left Rachel's room leaving her sitting on the bed with the DVD firmly in her hands. Rachel looked down at it. Written on it in Finn's messy writing it said 'Not the End'. Rachel stood up and walked over to her DVD player and slid in the disc. She returned to the corner of her bed and pressed play on the remote control that had been thrown onto her floor.

The video opened to the Glee's Choir room. Finn was sitting on a stool and looked into the camera. Rachel felt the tears surface to her eyes as she smiled at the image before her. He introduced himself as Finn Hudson and stated the song he was going to sing was entitled "Not the End"

A soft melody began to play. Finn opened the song with a smirk as he worked through the whoa's like an expert.

_The sun will still shine tomorrow  
So it's time for moving on  
There's not a second for sorrow  
Even though the moments gone  
The puzzle has so many pieces  
But you can't, you can't hide  
'Cause life just keeps on living  
And sooner or later you'll find  
This is not the end, no  
Your day is gonna come  
This is not the end, no  
You're not the only one  
We all have our ups and all have our downs  
That we have to find a way around  
This is not the end, no, no, oh, oh, oh  
This is not the end_

Rachel watched the video and sobbed. The song spoke to her in ways she could never fathom. He had used this song as an audition piece and it ended up being a way for him to talk to her from beyond the grave.

_I know it's never easy  
To pick yourself up again  
Take a deep breath 'cuz you know that  
It's time to look ahead  
With one foot in front of other  
That you can, you can fly  
Into a better tomorrow  
And leave yesterday behind  
This is not the end_

Rachel smiled through her tears as Finn began to do a pseudo dance from his stool. This was what she had always loved about him. His spirit was free and he was always full of love and positivity. As the song wrapped up, her sobs became harder, louder. She wasn't just crying, as she had been the past week or so. She was letting herself, for the first time, to truly grieve. It was going to be a hard road to travel but she had to take his words and run with them. His time was over, nothing was going to bring him back, no matter how hard she tried. For her though, this wasn't the end. She had to pick herself up somehow and keep going. She had to return to New York and face her classes and her teachers and prepare for Funny Girl. This is what Finn would have pushed her to do and she would be damned if she was going to let him down.

* * *

_Wanted to end it on a somewhat positive note. Rachel is far from being over what happened or Finn. She simply is feeling a little stronger. It's just another step on the long road to healing for her. Next Chapter, Rachel and the gang are back in New York!_

_Songs:_

_Why - Rascal Flatts_

_Not the End - Cory Monteith (for Glee)_


	4. One Step Forward, Four Steps Back

**Chapter 4:  
One Step Forward, Four Steps Back**

_Sorry for the wait; as you can tell, this chapter is over twelve thousand words long. This took a long ass time to write, as you can imagine. I never intended it to be this long but I just couldn't really find a spot that said 'end' to me. There's a lot that happens in this chapter. Lots and lots of ups and downs. There's even some moments when you get to see what's going on with other people when Rachel isn't around. I have a lot planned and this really is just laying some things down. Please read and reply. I get hundreds of views and small amount of reviews. Let me know how I am doing. I do accept negative feedback. Not something I'll ever shy away from. I don't think I really have any songs in here... so.. yeah..._

I own nothing but the universe these guys live in.

* * *

_Brooklyn, NY  
_

"Ugh!" Rachel exclaimed throwing herself onto the floor of her apartment, "we have been at this for hours. Since when does picking a song take so long?"

Blaine smirked at his friend, "Since you've turned about a million down. You don't want to do Broadway because it makes you think about Finn not being at your shows."

"You don't want to do a ballad because those were your specialties when it came to duets with Finn," Kurt stated, "and you don't want to do anything upbeat because you think you're not allowed to be happy while on mourning."

"Oh and she doesn't want to do anything depressing because then she will cry," Blaine suggested with the same amused look as Kurt on his face, "Rachel, while I understand the whole of what you mean at some point you have to give. If you go up to face Ms. Tipideuax and have no song she could very well kick you out."

She shrugged and covered her head with a pillow, "Let her. I'll go back to my bead in Lima."

Kurt tossed some sheet music on the floor and slapped his hands against the floor. He stood up and let out an annoyed sigh.

"That is it, Missy!" He exclaimed. Rachel glanced out from out of her pillow and watched her friend. "Finn would never allow you to be like this! He would want you to be the star he knows you are! Stars don't get kicked out of NYADA. Do you want to let him down?"

"No," Rachel muttered then sat up and sighed allowing herself to feel a slight amount of determination, "You're right. Finn would hate for me to live like this. Okay so ideas."

"Oh!" Blaine exclaimed, "Theatrical, dramatic that's pure rock and roll!"

Rachel laughed, "No, I can't do Queen. Only person I could imagine going in front of Carmen and singing Queen and pulling it off is Jessie."

Kurt sat beside Rachel and nodded, "As much as I hate to admit it, she is right. We may have made somebody to Love great but we could never touch Jessie when it came to Queen," he held up some sheet music, "I still like the idea of Roar."

Rachel shook her head, "Naw. I'm not feeling very strong right now. I couldn't pull it off. I'd be like a sad lion cub." She pouted making the couple laugh, "Okay. I need a coffee. My treat. What would you guys like? You're usual's?"

"Do you want one of us to go with you?" Blaine asked standing up with Rachel

She shook her head, "No I could use the peace to clear my head. Come up with some ideas. Is San working late tonight?"

Kurt shook his head no with a smile, "Hot date. She and Dani are going to see a movie and some dinner," he then realized the mentioning of the happy couple and stammered, "oh Rachel. I'm sorry. I didn't..."  
"It's okay," she faked a smile, "You guys can't stop living on my accord. How about I get the java and you guys order the food? Chinese?"

The boys nodded and Rachel grabbed her wallet and swiftly left the apartment. She was dressed anything like she normally was. Her fashion forward look has dissolved. Instead, she opted for a pair of yoga pants, a Tank top with Finn's football jersey over it and a headband all topped with casual running shoes. Kurt often made a comment how she looked like a young girl as opposed to woman but Rachel had no interest in dressing any other way. At least not until class started. She was content for the time being. As Rachel approached the Starbucks she noticed it was starting to rain. She cursed to herself and took off into a run. Making it just in time to beat the down pour, she ordered her drinks and waited patiently.

"That outfit makes quite the statement, Rachel Berry," a male voice said from behind her. She sighed in frustration and ignored them, convinced it was just a student from NYADA giving her a hard time, "while it is different you are still as beautiful as I always remembered. You've truly come into your own."

Rachel spun around to come face to face with a set of blue eyes she knew far too well. "Jessie?!"

He smiled at her, "it's nice to see you again Rachel. Coffee run?"

"Uh yeah... I needed a break," she laughed awkwardly, "Prepping the slaughter that is Carmen Tibideaux's class."

He nodded, "Need a song?"

She blushed, "Yeah I do. Nothing is inspiring me."

Jessie laughed and helped Rachel grab her coffee, "How does Rachel Berry not have a song in her back pocket?"

She looked gloomy, "Since her heart got torn apart by the harsh reality of death." Rachel looked at the rain and groaned. "Great. It's gotten harder."

"No umbrella?"

She shook her head, "Thing about living under a rock you don't pay attention to the forecaster." She looked at Jessie and raised an eyebrow. "Speaking of living... What are you doing in New York? Weren't you coaching Vocal Adrenaline?"

He smirked at her, "I still do it in the summers and on weekends once a month. I'm the mastermind. I choose set lists, choreography and all that. I teach it to the senior leaders and I check on them. Surprise them. My assistant director manages when I am absent."

Rachel looked skeptical, "And you're in New York now because...?"

He tossed his cup out, took Kurt and Blaine's drinks from Rachel and led her out the door, opening the umbrella, "Let me walk you home, better than getting wet," _unless you want to let me... Too soon. Can it St. James._

Rachel smiled appreciative. "Thank you. While I am grateful for this, I am also aware that you may be attempting to dodge my question."

"Always one for the little details," Jessie laughed, "I am a sophomore at NYUS, music theatre of course. Watching you perform in Chicago reminded me of why I wanted to be on stage. When I didn't get into NYADA I suppose I tried staying where I felt safe."

"How very un-Jesse St. James of you," Rachel nudged him playfully. "Why didn't you try again? You were never one to just give up at a failed attempt."

He paused for a moment, looking inventively at the woman beside him. He gave her a bitter sweet look and continues walking, "I gave it up for something greater. I decided to take the selfless way and gave back a little for all the horrible things I did. However, we won't talk about that right now."

Rachel's curiosity got the best of her, however, she let it drop, for now at least. They walked in comfortable silence for a few minutes before Rachel overheard a song playing from a car stuck in traffic. It was 'Faithfully' by Journey. Rachel stopped walking and stood in the rain, letting it soak her to the core as tears poured from her eyes. Jesse rested the coffee on a postbox beside them, and used his free arm to wrap around Rachel as she sobbed into his shirt. They stood like that for what felt like an eternity for Jesse; as much as he had longed to have Rachel back in his arms, this wasn't quite how he imagined it. When Rachel was finally able to compose herself once more, she looked up at Jesse apologetically.

"Don't look at me like that," Jesse said softly, putting his hand on her cheek to wipe the tears away, "You have absolutely nothing to be sorry about. I am always here when you need me, alright? Even if it's to get your tears and snot all over my designer shirts."

Rachel gave him a small smile and looked down at the ground nodding her head, "Thank you, Jesse. Kurt and everyone have been incredible to me through all of this but they're affected by this like I am, well, not quite as heartbroken as me, other than Carol of course because you know losing a soul mate and a child are different kinds of devastation," she took a deep breath, realizing she was talking too fast. She pulled away from Jesse and let out a groan of frustration, "you know what I mean right?"

"Yes, I do," he answered as he put his hand on her shoulder, "hearing songs that remind you of him… especially ones you sang together are going to hurt for a long time."

She looked up at him with pleading eyes, "When will this get easier, Jesse? Will it ever get easier?"

He nodded and pulled her into another hug, one she accepted, "It will, eventually. Stop being concerned with down the road, focus on the today and if that's too hard focus on the right now and build up. Time will make it easier. You will never forget him, Rach. I know you're afraid you eventually will but you won't. He will forever have a place in your heart and who knows, maybe you will see him again someday."

Rachel nodded into Jesse's shirt. She sniffled and pulled back again looking at him with gratitude and appreciation, "You're right."

He gave her his best cocky Jesse St. James smirk, "Aren't I always?"

She laughed, "I was beginning to wonder where you kept that side of you. You had me worried there for a moment, St. James."

He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and gave her a gentle squeeze and he turned her towards where the coffee was placed, "We can't have that now, can we?"

Rachel shook her head, "No we can't. We better get going, the boys are going to start worrying. They might think I threw myself in front of a bus or something."

"A Drama Queen with your talents would never do such a thing!" Jesse exclaimed mockingly as he grabbed the coffee and continued their walk, "There would defiantly be more of a scene, something that involves a crowd for sure."

Rachel rolled her eyes as they approached the apartment building. She came to a stop and motioned towards the building affectively announcing their arrival, "This is me, thank you… for today. I would probably still be crying in the street if it was not for you," she wrapped her arms around him then quickly pulled away. "It means a lot. I had reservations about you suddenly contacting me again. Maybe I was wrong to doubt your intentions. You always had a different side to you, Jesse. I'm glad that you're not always St. Jackass."

"Don't tell anyone that part alright? We will keep it between you and me for right now," he joked, walking her to the door of the building and handing her the coffee, "I wouldn't want to ruin my bad boy image."

"You're secret is safe with me," she smiled and opened the door to the building. She turned and gave Jesse a wave goodbye, "Have a good evening, Jess. Maybe I'll be lucky enough to come up with a song for Tibideaux."

Jesse waved back in response and watched as the young woman walked into the apartment building. He stood there for a moment before he let his mind wander. A smile crept across his face. He had an idea. He flagged a cab and headed back to the Upper East Side. He had some work to do.

* * *

_**Next Morning.**_

Rachel was, as always, the first one up. It was a Saturday morning and had a busy day ahead of her. They had a few more days before classes resumed at NYADA and she still had no song to sing at Tibideaux's class. Without one, she was concerned what it would mean for her future at the school. She was certain that word of what had happened had already made to the dean. Tibideaux would for sure want to ensure that a student could handle life after a tragedy because reality was that in Broadway, you get no time for bereavement. The show much always go on, no matter what.

Who was she kidding? Maybe she wasn't cut out for this life. Sure, she had the talent, there was no disputing that. Four or five years ago, she would have had no issues bouncing back from something like this. She knew she had changed a lot over time, she grew up. Finn brought out a part of her that wasn't only about music and making it big; there was a part of her that he brought out that made her want more than just stardom. That perhaps over shadowed those dreams. She always had an arsenal of songs in her back pocket – it was that kind of mind set that won them sectionals the first year New Directions was a team. She laid her head against the table and cursed to herself. She needed something, anything at this point. Suddenly, she sat up, an idea springing to mind. She may have not had a song ready to go but there was someone who would have one; Jesse. She hurriedly grabbed her phone from the charging dock in the living room and sent him a quick text.

_Jesse, I need your help._

_ What could you possibly need my help for at 8am? _

_ I need a song. For TIbideaux's class. _

_ You'll think of something. An idea will eventually land in your lap. _

_ That's it Jesse? Really?_

_ Got to go, Rach! Got an audition today. I'll tell you all about it later!_

Rachel stared at her phone in complete and utter disbelief. Jesse had just done something he said he wouldn't do. She needed him, desperately and he wasn't there for her. She tossed her phone aside in anger and was about to crumble when there was a knock on the door. She sighed, assuming maybe Kurt had left the house and forgot his key and opened the door. To her surprise there was a currier at the door.

"I have a package for a Miss. Berry?" the young man said happily, holding a large envelope in his hands

"That's me," she replied.

He handed her the package, wished her a good way and went on his way. She examined the package curiously, yet couldn't figure out what it was. The return address was listed as 737 Park Avenue, Apt 20A. Utter confusion struck her features. She closed the door and walked towards the kitchen just as Kurt and Blaine walked in from their room, sharing a semi-private moment. Santana was already nestled into a cup of coffee when she noticed the envelope in her friend's hand.

"What's that?" she asked, taking a sip from her coffee

Rachel glanced down at it and shrugged, "I'm not sure, exactly. I don't know the address."

Kurt glanced over at the envelope just as he took a sip of his own coffee and nearly spit it out, "Park Avenue?! Who do you know that's hidden in the Upper East Side? Open it, woman! Oh what if it's from a famed celebrity or something! Open it!"

Rachel shook her head at her friend's enthusiasm and laughed inherently. Using a filet knife, she carefully cut the seal off the package and peered inside. Paper. She raised her eyebrow and pulled out the contents. After closer examination, she discovered it was sheet music. This baffled Rachel. Who would send her sheet music, especially to a Carrie Underwood song that's been slowed down and specialized to her vocal range? Then she froze.

"Sheet music?" Kurt asked as he tried getting a closer look at what was in Rachel's hand, only to have her clutch it to her chest as if it were a guarded life or death secret, "Oooo is it for Funny Girl?"

She shook her head and grinned with tears in her eyes, "No. It's my song for Tipideaux's slaughter house. This is absolutely perfect."

Without another word, she grabbed her cell phone from the spot she threw it on and hurried into her room to begin preparation on the song. Blaine and Kurt looked at one another with questioning looks. Santana on the hand took another sip of her coffee with a smile on her face. Kurt noticed the look on her face and instantly knew something was up. It was a look her knew far too well.

"What do you know, Santana?" Kurt asked sitting beside his friend with his excited for gossip quirk, "You have to tell me everything you know. Don't leave me hanging like this. Who is it that sent her the sheet music? Brody? It was Brody wasn't it?"

Santana laughed, a little harder than necessary, "In what world could Brody afford a multi-million dollar home, Kurt? Be real."

"Then what is it that you know?!"

Santana shrugged and sat back in her chair, "Can I not just be happy that for the first time since Finn passed away, Rachel is showing a shred of personality that isn't a zombie? If there is something going on, I have no idea."

Kurt studied her, he knew she was lying but he also knew he wasn't going to get answers out of her. He sighed and studied the envelope carefully. The envelope was part of a stationary set. An expensive one at that. He recognized the design and quality as the same that many high ups at Vogue use.

"You're determined to find out who sent it, aren't you?" Blaine asked, sitting across from his Fiancé who nodded, "why is it such a big deal? Normally, this would be the 'oh I think Rachel has a hot new stud in her life exposé but Kurt let's be honest here. Look at how she is taking Finn's death. Do you really believe Rachel is dealing with a relationship in a time like this?"

Kurt glanced up at his partner and sighed. "I suppose you're right. It just made her so happy."

"I would call that relief more than anything. She has been stressing so much over the song. I think maybe you were hoping it was another guy," Blaine hinted, "you think it would help distract her from Finn."

"You know me too well," Kurt said slowly, "I don't want her to replace Finn or forget him... I just wouldn't mind a distraction for her."

Blaine leaned on the table, elbows rested and hands on Kurt's. "None of you will ever forget him. He will always be a part of you. I know you miss him. You're trying so hard to be there for Rachel. You're masking your own pain so well. I see it though. When you're ready and need to get it out, you let me know. I'll be there to kiss away every last tear."

Kurt smiled. "I will be okay. You're interview. Are you excited?"

"I am. I know I don't have to work while I'm here but I just want to feel like I'm responsible for myself. Once I graduate I'm on my own so why not learn now?"

Kurt nodded as he got up to fix himself another coffee. "I agree. Plus you'll be working with Rachel and Santana. Makes me sort of jealous, honestly."

"You, jealous of us?" Blaine laughed, looking up from the paper he was reading. "This is coming from Mr. Vogue himself."

Kurt rolled his eyes. "Okay so I have the more glamorous job but you get the gang."

"I don't have them yet," Blaine noted getting up and kissing Kurt quickly. "I need to get in a quick shower and get to this interview before I can have that. Will you be alright today?"

"Oh I'll be fine!" Answered Kurt cheerfully. "I have tons of work to catch on. Bereavement doesn't stop the work flow. I'll be catching up on all that today. Are we still on for our tonight?"

"Dinner and Central Park? I wouldn't miss it for the world."

Kurt smiled and watched as Blaine headed towards the bathroom. He momentarily considered joining him but quickly decided against it. Rachel was home and it would probably be in her best interest to be kept away from that sort of stuff for now. Kurt couldn't believe it had been a month since he lost is step brother. Everyone was trying to get on with their lives the best they could. His dad and Carol were already back in DC, the New Directions were already holding pre-school meetings to figure out their next step with the remainder of the original members graduated, former Glee students were back to their lives spread around the States. Life was continuing on without him. The group still shared memories a lot on their Facebook group that Kurt ran. Just last night, Kurt posted a picture of Finn in his Lady Gaga shower curtain dress. The old friends laughed and had commented over 100 times, including Rachel. Kurt's heart broke for Rachel. He could not imagine being in a world where Blaine no longer lived. The very thought of it tore his heart apart. How Rachel could be holding herself together was beyond Kurt's imagination. He admired his friend's strength. He knew what was going on at night behind closed doors. Too many times he had found himself out side of her bedroom, listening to her sob her heart out calling for Finn, yelling at him for being so stupid among other things. Yet during the day, she got through with a show face. She was always the master of the show face.

Kurt shook his head and refocused on the envelope. A smile crept on Kurt's face as he hurried into his and Blaine's room to retrieve his laptop. He did have a lot of work to do today but he could easily spare a few minutes to use his connections to discover the truth behind the mystery envelope. Once his mac was powered up, he got to work. He opened up his database and began his search. Blaine had walked by him on his way out, giving Kurt a gentle kiss; one Kurt gladly return. After an hour of searching, the most he could get was the floor plan and general price of the condo, which was outrageous beyond belief. The Upper East Side was better at covering the knowledge of who lived where well. He sighed with frustration and considered asking Santana for help, but he remembered how she was acting earlier. She clearly knew something but was staying silent. He then considered stalking the apartment to find out who lives there but remembered how tight security would be. He bit his lip and pulled open his boss, Illissa Wright's personal database. She knew everyone who mattered in the city and if the person who could afford a condo worth eight figures had to be important. It didn't take him long to find the list of contacts that she had from Park Avenue. Kurt hurried through the list and found a sub directory with the address listed MSJ. Kurt took a quick look on the back of the envelope. Instead of the seal having a MSJ there was JSJ. They were initials. He opened the subdirectory and found that there were four very pricey homes in the states with that name including New York, Los Angeles, Beverly Hills and Akron, Ohio. There were also properties in Toronto, Canada and Bali. Looking over the list again, he came to a stop at Akron. That had to be the connection. Who did Rachel know from Akron with the initials MSJ. No one came to mind. The JSJ on the envelope caught his eye again. His eyes widened in disbelief and shock.

"Oh my god," was all he could muster. 

* * *

With the sheet music in hand, Rachel hurried into her room and laid on her bed. She spread the paper out on her bed and nabbed her iPad from the night stand. She ran her hand along the lock screen - a picture of her and Finn on a cool fall day last year. She smiled and unlocked the iPad - Finn's birthday was the code naturally, and opened up the garage band app. She set up the keyboard then she grabbed her phone and sent a very quick, simple, text.

_Thank you.  
_  
Since Jesse was in an audition, she figured he wouldn't answer for a bit. She began to play the notes of the song and hummed the words out. This song really was perfect. Unlike Why or My Heart Will Go On this was a little more upbeat and uplifting. She couldn't really consider it to be positive because there really is very little that was good about the situation. She was thankful for what Jesse had done. She knew he had probably been up late working on the changes to the arrangement. The tempo was the same as the original, however, the vocals were rearranged to better suit her voice and impress Carmen Tibideaux. With the two days that she had to prep the song she was rather confident. She had managed to get the following night off even though everyone else would be working. She was going to miss the restaurant during the week but she knew it was important for her to focus her energies on school during that time. Santana opted to stay on full time while looking for acting jobs, Blaine stayed in the middle. He would work weekends like Rachel as well as two nights a week. This schedule worked well with Kurt's. A smile crept on her face as she thought of her friends and how truly thankful she was for them. The past month and a half had been the hardest of her life. She spent a lot of days and nights just sobbing. She was a zombie at work once she returned and was honestly just living on auto pilot. Rachel was thankful that her friends and co-workers were so understanding. Even when she had to lock herself in the employee lounge when the wait staff broke out into a version of _'Don't Stop Believing'_. Santana and Blaine did a wonderful job of covering her and Finn's leads. It was still just too difficult to come to grips that she would never sing with him again.

"Rachel?" A voice asked quietly from the opening of Rachel's room. She looked up and teared up at the sight of Shelby.

Rachel flew off the bed and wrapped her arms around her mother and sobbed into her shoulder. Shelby returned the hug and rubbed soothing circles on her daughters back.

"I heard what happened, Rachel," Shelby whispered fighting back tears at her daughter's state, "I am so sorry. I came as soon as I could. I tried calling you but..."

Rachel sniffles and pulled away from Shelby with an embarrassed look. "I... Um... Turned off my phone and hid from the world. Only a few people ever really got a hold of me. Would you like to come sit in the living room?"

She shook her head with a smile and caught her eye on the papers spread around the bed. "No, Santana is there with a young lady and Kurt is working in the kitchen. He looks a little flustered though."

Rachel laughed lightly, "that's Dani, Santana's new girlfriend and Kurt usually is flustered. He is probably working."

Shelby motioned towards her daughter's bed. "What are you working on?"

Shelby walked over and began looking at the work laid out while Rachel checked her phone after it announced a new message had been received. It was her director.

We need you to run lines with a new potential Arnstein since Nick left last week for Wicked. He's perfect for the role. Just want to make sure you guys mesh well.

Rachel sighed and turned to Shelby, "that is a version of a very beautiful Carrie Underwood song that a friend of mine rearranged for me to sing at Carmen's class next week."

"When did you and Jesse start talking again?" Rachel looked at her mother, stunned. "I would recognize that hand writing anywhere."

Rachel started rushing around the room, changing out of her jeans and into her yoga pants and shirt in case they had her doing any dancing with the new guy. "He texted me shortly after... It happened and has just been someone for me to talk too. I ran into him yesterday at Starbucks and mentioned I needed a song but couldn't think of anything. This morning this arrangement land on my door step with a teenage currier. I have to go to the theatre. New guy. Want to come with?"

Shelby nodded and waited until they were out the door before she began grilling her daughter. "Are you sure that is a good idea? Jesse is in love with you. Right now you don't need to be worried about love or relationships. Now that..."

"Finn's dead," Rachel said as a matter of factly, hiding the tears, "it's okay. You can say it. I've come to grips with the fact he's gone. I'm not ready to accept it or let go but I've come to grips."

"Jesse is going to want to sweep in and swoon you and frankly that's not fair to either one of you."

"We are just friends," Rachel stated. "He knows where I stand with it all but he also understands me in a way that no one else can. He gets when I'm being a drama queen plus it is really nice to have someone not directly affected by it to talk too."

Shelby sighed. She adored Jesse. She knew he was a good guy underneath the mask of Jesse St. James. The boy who emulated Martin St. James in every way. She loved Jesse like a son and wanted what was best for him, just as she did with Rachel.

"Just be careful. I don't want to see either of you wind up hurt."

The two made the rest of the trip talking about school and Funny Girl. Rachel had to admit that she was insanely excited to be doing the production even though it broke her heart that Finn wouldn't be there for her as support. Anytime Shelby attempted to talk about what had happened, Rachel found a way to change the conversation. Shelby respected that and remembered that if and when she was ready to talk about it, then she would. 

* * *

The women arrived at St James theatre and were welcomed warmly by the security who had come to know Rachel well. Once being cleared, Shelby was given a family pass and entered alongside her daughter.

"Ah Rachel!" Her producer, Annah, exclaimed as she met Rachel at the top of the isle. She glanced at Shelby and shook her hand, "you must be her sister."

"Biological mother, actually," Rachel responded, "this is Shelby Cochrane."

The woman studied Shelby for a moment. "Former coach of 8 time consecutive national show choir champions, Vocal Adrenaline."

Shelby smiled, "yes, that's correct."

Annah clapped excitedly and grabbed a hand of each woman. "This will be a treat for you then, Shelby! One of your students that you won four of those championships with is the gentleman we are considering for the roll of Nick Arnstein."

Rachel and Shelby froze as they reached the stage. They stared at the young man in disbelief. A sense of furry and protective instincts kicked in for Shelby which she quickly had to push down. She would deal with him later. This was all a part of his master plan to take advantage of her daughter at the most vulnerable of times. - Or so she believed. She sat down in the front row and cursed silently to herself. Meanwhile, on stage the young man spent time with the choreographer learning some of the movements needed for a critical scene. No doubt one he would be running with Rachel.

"Rachel Berry!" Her director Alex exclaimed excitedly, "come meet your new Arnstein. His name is..."

"Jesse," Rachel whispered causing Jesse to spin around to face her. He smiled widely and jumped off the stage and began to make his way towards the pair. "Jesse St. James."

Alex looked between his two starts with confusion plaguing his features. "You two already know each other?"

Rachel blushed and Jesse nodded enthusiastically. "We are friendly competitors from our show choir days. We even did some impromptu concerts at a library in Lima. Great woman to so duets with. We are good friends now."

Alex was on cloud nine. "Oh this is wonderful! I must hear you two together. Please sing us something you have done together!"

Rachel and Jesse walked to the stage without a word. Rachel looked up at Jesse and reduced a nod. She began to let the words for "Hello 12, Hello 13" slip from her lips.

When they finished off the last note, Rachel and Jesse smiled and hugged one another. Rachel was exhilarated. She felt incredible. For the first time in the last month and a half she felt alive. Having someone she could go toe to toe with was something she had missed in New Directions and frankly, NYADA. Rachel smiled lightly as she remembered how Jesse commented on something similar to that all those years ago in her bedroom. As amazing as it was going toe to toe with Jesse, it still didn't compare to the feeling she had on stage with Finn. Momentarily, her show face almost slipped. Almost. Reminding herself this was no place to lose face, she straightened up and focused on the feeling she had a moment ago and allowed herself to be happy.

Shelby couldn't help but smile at her protégé and daughter. Admittedly, she found herself laughing when Jessie used the gestures he did while singing "mom and dad, we're doing it". The two of them performed it like no one else was around and they were just two young people having fun. Jesse was glowing and her daughter was genuinely happy. Shelby had noticed the slight fall of her daughter's mood and quickly noted that she was probably thinking about Finn. Despite the quick recovery, Shelby's heart broke for her oldest daughter. She could not even begin to understand what it was that she was feeling. Jesse must have also noticed Rachel's shift. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and whispered something in her ear. She smiled and nodded, struggling with her show face. Maybe she was wrong to doubt Jesse after all. This wasn't the womanizer she noticed he was as a teenager. This was the genuine guy that only few people ever got to see behind the mask. For that, Shelby was immensely happy.

"It's okay," Jesse whispered into Rachel's ear, giving her a gentle squeeze, "Just use your breathing techniques we used to practice. Finn is proud of you. He's watching you. Don't forget that."

The producers seemed pleased with the performance. Rachel hoped that if she was going to play anyone's wife on stage that right now it was Jesse. Anyone else and it would have felt wrong. It would feel like she was betraying Finn. She knew Jesse was a true professional despite their past. He understood what she was going through with her loss and had been a friend she could rely on. Rachel glanced over at her mother who smile and nodded at her in approval. A sense of pride filled her. She turned her attention to the producer and director which were approaching the pair with much enthusiasm.

"Oh you two are flawless together!" Annah exclaimed cheerfully, "I don't know about you, Nate, but I think we have found a perfect Arnstein!"

Jesse beamed and looked towards the producer, Nate. He had a serious look to his face which made the pair nervous. Rachel felt her anxiety build as she bit back the nervous feeling. He studied Jesse and Rachel then nodded in approval.

"Yes, I have to agree," he said simply, "you're a very talented young man and your chemistry with Rachel is undeniable. Welcome aboard, Jesse."

Despite wanting to hug the director and jump around like a teenager he put on his best show face and went into St. James mode. He extended his hand and shook each of their hands, offering thanks and gratitude and worked out the details of everything. Another two hours passed when they were finally able to leave. Once the theatre was clear of the staff, Jesse stood at centre stage and looked out in amazement. He had finally gotten his break and he was going to have Rachel with him along with him. This felt like a dream come true. He was afraid that at any moment, he was going to wake up in his apartment.

"Feels unreal doesn't it?" Rachel asked coming up behind him with Shelby in toe. "When I landed the role, I think I stood there for an hour in just amazement. Everything that I had sacrificed, the years of being called a diva or selfish... Everything had paid off."

Jesse couldn't find the words. He was with the only two people besides his aunt and uncle who have ever seen the real side of him. He turned around and practically tackled Shelby. She picked up his former coach in a hug and spun her before putting her down and doing the same to Rachel. He held onto Rachel longer then he normally would have anyone else but this was someone he loved and was getting to share a dream with her. Rachel clung onto him once he put her down. Her strength crumbled after showing face for so long. Jesse held onto her tightly with one hand rubbing soothing circles on her back and the other on her head as he whispered words of strength to her. It broke his heart to see her like this. While he couldn't imagine sharing this with anyone other than her he knew she wanted to share it with Finn, something she would never be able to do. If he was in her shoes, he firmly believe he wouldn't be able to get out of bed and function let alone be preparing for a Broadway debut. Shelby held back a tear as she wrapped her arms around her sobbing daughter and former student. The three of them stood like that for a few minutes until Rachel was able to pull herself together again.

Rachel pulled away from Jessie's chest and sniffled. She caught the stain on his shirt and blushed in embarrassment. "I'm sorry."

Jesse put a finger under her chin and lifted it. "I told you before that I don't care if you destroy every last designer shirt I have, if you need to cry I'll be here. Ok?"

She nodded and he kissed her forehead and hugged her again, this time a little more playfully. "Thank you. I guess it figures you would be destined to do a show at St. James theatre."

Jesse laughed. "It was named for me before I was even born."

Shelby snickered, "oh I'm sure." She pulled Jesse away from her daughter and hugged him. "Congratulations Jess. I always knew you would be a star."

Rachel pouted playfully and gave her best diva stomp. "What about me?"

"Come here," Shelby hugged her daughter, "I knew when you were in the womb that you'd be playing Fanny. I remember how hyper you would get when I'd play 'Don't Rain on my Parade."

"I did say it was an inevitability," Jesse stated. "Told you I am always right."

Rachel shoved him playfully. "I think we should celebrate. It's not every day two friends get their big break together."

Jesse beamed. "I couldn't agree more. Sani's?"

Rachel froze and shook her head. Jesse knew that look. "Actually we are terribly under dressed for that. How about we keep it simple? I will have Gaston whip up a superb vegan meal and we watch a movie of Rachel's choice."

Shelby nodded with a smile while Rachel looked baffled and raised her eyebrow at Jesse. "Gaston? You have a chef?"

Jesse laughed lightly. "Yes, I do. I live on Park Avenue, Rach. Well, it's technically my dad's place but he pretty much gave it to me when I got into school up here. He bought it when I flunked out of UCLA. He knew I'd end up in New York."

Rachel smirked. "You know, considering we are in New York, Quinn and Kurt have always stressed how amazing Gossip Girl is."

Jesse gave her a look as they walked towards the exit. "Gossip Girl? You're going to torture me with a melodramatic show about snotty, spoiled, Upper East Side babies?"

Rachel turned around and walked backwards looking at Jesse and Shelby. "Kettle meet pot."

Shelby couldn't help but laugh. Jessie gave her an amused look then stood straight with arrogance. "I am SO much hotter than Chace Crawford. He's got nothing on me."

"Who said anything about you being compared with Chace Crawford? I had you pegged as Leighton Messer's character."

Jesse laughed with amusement as they exited the theatre and flagged a cab. "Blair Waldorf? The woman of extremes? Oh no you've got it wrong there, Berry. I distinctly remember pegging you as being a bigger drama queen then I am."

"Blair is a snobbish, over achiever who is a master mind of scheming," Rachel pointed out as she slid into the cab beside Shelby. "While I may be an overachiever, I am by no means a schemer or snobby."

"Right. 737 Park Avenue please," Jesse turned to Rachel with a look of determination. He caught site of Shelby's amusement and smiled. "Who sent potential competition to an abandoned crack house?"

"Rachel!" Shelby exclaimed half amused, half disappointed. "You did what?"

Rachel blushed and shot Jesse an evil look. "She was a threat to my spot as lead with New Directions. She was set in joining us. I had to make sure she didn't steal my spot light. You would have destroyed the competition regardless of what it took. You don't have a reputation of the arrogant son of a bitch Jesse St. James for nothing."

"Rachel, I cannot believe you would do such a thing!" That was the maternal tone.

"Oh says the woman who convinced her star performer to seduce..."

"Befriend was the term she used actually," Jesse corrected. "I chose to seduce you because of how much I wanted to be with you."

"Befriend her daughter to get to know her," Rachel continued, hiding the blush, "while I understand and grateful for it now..."

"I suppose it's a trait you got from me," Shelby concluded, "the scheming I mean."

Rachel's jaw dropped in mock exaggeration. "You take his."

"Well, I am always right."

Rachel rolled her eyes causing her mother to laugh again. "Alright... FINE. Chuck!"

"So my new catch phrase will be, 'I'm Jessie St. James?"

Both girls laughed at his impression. "Don't you pretty much already do that?"

Jesse thought for a moment then nudged Rachel. "Okay. Got me there." 

* * *

The taxi came to a stop at a building and Rachel looked up at it with amazement. Across the street was Central Park and around her were some of the most beautiful and famous sites of New York City. Shelby and Jesse acted as though this was the norm for Jesse. Rachel was spell bounded. The building was magnificent and tall. It looked like a smaller Empire State Building. The door man greeted them warmly and welcomes them to the premises. The grand entrance was spell bounding, elegant. It was a true sign of New York's elite. She always knew that Jesse came from a well off family but she never had any idea just how well off. It didn't take a lot to be considered elite in Ohio. New York, however, was an entirely different story. She had to admit she was slightly envious; though she was kind of surprised that his parents were okay with him being in the arts. Most families of substantial wealth wanted their children to follow suit as lawyers and doctors or businessmen. Perhaps they didn't really care. He never mentioned them. Maybe there is a reason for that.

The trio walked through the main lobby of the apartments to a series of elevators. Rachel was curious as to why they didn't take the ones in the main hallway. She shrugged it off and followed Jessie into one elevator marked A. Jesse took a card out of his wallet and pressed it to a scanner. Without a sound, the elevator carried them upwards. When it opened they came face to face with a giant, glamorous photograph of the New York skyline at night. Jesse motioned the women to enter to corridor. He led them down the entrance and into the foyer. What Rachel saw next, nothing could prepare her for a massive living space with windows everywhere, letting large amounts of natural light pour in. At a guess, Rachel guessed the living room was at least 50 feet. Her apartment was large and comfortably housed four adults but this was beyond large. The condo stretched out as far as the eye could see in any direction. The layout and decor screamed Jesse St. James. All designer. All modern with hints of old fashioned. What did surprise Rachel quite a bit was the old art work and photographs on the walls. Rachel heard her mother take inward a sharp breath. The once relaxed woman was now in as much amazement as her daughter. Jesse put his shoulder bag on a large wooden table along the wall and led them deeper into the room. Leather furniture, a large screen TV (possibly the largest Rachel has ever seen) and every video game system imaginable were all organized to perfection in the corner of the room. The area carpet underneath the set up was a deep red.

"Wow," was all Rachel could muster. Shelby nodded in agreement.

Jesse smiled. "I'm glad you approve. Would you like a tour?"

Jesse led them down a hall. To the left was a room that was miraculously decorated as a dining room. He could easily sit twenty people in the room and still be comfortable. On their right, was a kitchen that was to die for. Rachel scurried into it and began looking at everything with such wonder and excitement. Images of her and her dad's prepping a large meal for family and friends in this kitchen played in her mind.

"This kitchen is to die for!" Rachel exclaimed, "This is incredible. I just have to cook in this kitchen sometime!"

Jesse laughed as he leaned against the doorway, "I never pegged you as being much of a cook."

Rachel shot Jesse a look, "Well, not all of us are spoiled Upper East Siders with a chef at your beck and call. Do you have a maid as well?"

Jesse nodded, "Rosalie. Wonderful woman. She's less of a maid and more of a house keeper. When Gaston isn't available she cooks amazing meals as well. She came from Akron to be here with me. She was my nanny when I was a young child and she's never left me. Even the times I stayed with my aunt and uncle, she came along. Always willing to snap me into line. Her room is on the other side of the kitchen. I insisted she take up a larger space since he have so many rooms but she refused."

"Rosalie is here?" Shelby asked, excited. "Oh I haven't seen here in such a long time. I have wanted her to meet Beth. I didn't realize you lived so close to us."

An idea crept into Jesse's mind. He smiled but wouldn't bother mentioning his brilliant plan quite yet. He finally managed to pull Rachel from the kitchen, listening as she spoke enthusiastic about the kind of meals she could make and if Rosalie knew any vegan meals that she could teach her. He led the ladies to another room that followed the theme of bright, elegant white walls and darker furniture. This room was used as an office. There was a large mahogany desk which could easily fit four large set ups. Presently, there was only one Mac desktop with various instruments around him including a keyboard, guitar and bass. This was obviously his go-to place for making music.

"Wow, Jesse," Shelby said in amazement, "This is beautiful. This part of how you are able to help so much with Vocal Adrenaline?"

He nodded as he pressed a few keys onto his computer and opened up the song he had prepped for Rachel the night before. Rachel blushed. "It is also how I made the arrangement for Rachel's song for Carmen Tibideaux's class."

"Does she really kick people out of the program if she feels they're not up to par?" asked Shelby as she led the pack out into the hall way.

"She does," Rachel responded, "My first class, a student got a few bars into her song and got canned. She was told to improve her vocal work and to reapply the following semester. They call it the freshman reaping."

"You made it through, obviously," Shelby noted with pride.

"Not only did she survive the reaping," Jesse beamed. "But she also was one of the only freshman to appear in the winter show case!"

"That's my girl!" Shelby said giving Rachel a quick hug.

Jesse led them down the hall the short distance and let them take quick peaks into three of his guest rooms and their private baths. Although they each had an elegant queen size bed and night stands set up, the rooms were pretty much blank slates. Jesse explained that he has no idea how to decorate them and has left himself to leave them as such in case he decides to someday take on roommates. They ventured back towards the living room and popped into a more private area of the space. The first bedroom was a little smaller than the other three on the other side of the apartment. Like the others, it was a blank slate. There was a small powder room that had perfect access from the living room for quick breaks. The bedroom had another full bathroom set up. Jesse then, with a grin led them to his favorite area of the house. His paradise.

The first stop in this part of the tour was Rachel and Shelby's favorite. The walk in closet. The closet was 14 feet by 8.5 feet, something Jesse pointed out proudly. It was immaculately organized with all of Jesse's clothes, boots, shoes, accessories… you name it. He handed Rachel and iPad and let her fiddle with it. She quickly discovered that the room would customize his clothes based on the season. Each rack actually had three racks in it. They were rotated based on what he would request for that day. There with four racks. The drawers and shoe closet organized themselves the same way.

"You're kidding me right!" Rachel exclaimed, "Your closet is digitalized!?"

Jesse laughed. "I've always got to make sure that I look my best at all times. Never know who you may run into at Starbucks."

Rachel playfully stuck her tongue out at him and continued to fiddle with the wonderful closet around her. Shelby on the other hand walked around in awe. Shelby eventually found herself wandering into the bathroom connected to the walk in closet. It was bigger than the rest, however, it wasn't quite what she would have expected from a master bathroom. Sensing her disappointment when she came back into the walk in closet, Jesse smirked.

"You know, this place was especially designed for a woman," Rachel and Shelby looked at Jessie in surprise. "Come with me. You'll see. Now, they call that 'his master bath' and naturally, it's connected to his walk-in closet. I obviously followed that notion. This here is the master bedroom, or my bedroom."

The girls eyes widened in amazement, envy and awe. On one side of the bed was a black layout that tucked behind the bed. On the other side of the bed was white that had shelving units that blended with the walls. A few books and what appeared to be photographs and awards glistened the shelves. There were also two night tables that came out of the wall beside each side of the bed. On the left side closest to the door was obviously where Jesse slept. There was a bottle of water and a single framed photograph. The bed was a large California King sized bed with a full frame and white canopy. Just in front of the bed was the thing that caused the most stir. The small hot tub. The floor around the whole room was a gorgeous black, grey and brown mix hardwood floor. The hot tub was built into the floor and had a white tile circle around it. The rest of the room was open concept with two large windows that opened to a small terrace with just enough room for two chairs and a table. As Rachel explored the space, something caught her eyes. Above the bed was a sun roof. Jesse caught Rachel staring at it with awe and walked over to the light switch and flipped something. The faux ceiling opened up to expose the day time sky. Rachel's nearly bugged out of her head.

"How…"

Jesse smiled proudly. "We are on the 20th floor Rachel. Penthouse suit. I have entire access to the roof, which I will show you later but I always wanted something like this. A way to just sleep under the stars, even when you are in New York. I had them design it in a way where it opens the roof up. To make sure that people don't walk on the area over this bedroom, there's a small fence that house a beautiful garden of flowers that will never blossom nor die."

"I got to hand it to you, Jesse," Shelby said running her hand along the canopy around the bed. "Whoever you bring home someday as your girlfriend or wife…" she quickly glanced at Rachel with a smile, knowing her daughter wouldn't catch that motion, although Jesse did, making him blush. "Will be a very lucky woman. The stars, the hot tub, the canopy… it's all incredibly romantic. You planned well for your future. You even have it saying about the headboard 'if there ever comes a day we can't be together, keep me in your heart… I'll stay there forever."

"That's Winnie the Pooh," Rachel blushed. "I love that quote. Even before Finn passed, I cherished it. It's a very romantic and appropriate quote to have in a room that is obviously meant for love. It couldn't be any more perfect."

"Just hold on a second." Jesse quickly closed the ceiling back up and turned off all the lights to the bedroom. Rachel and Shelby both protested. Soon enough, the room began to glow. The girls turned and looked towards the bed, the canopy had lots of tiny, microscopic lights that imitated the glow from candles. It was the same along the large window at the end of the room.

"Wow," was the only word Shelby could muster.

Rachel just stared at the room around her in awe. She had no words for what she saw. It was almost as if someone took a hold of her diary and recreated a dream space she wrote about years ago. Everything about it was perfect. Once Jesse turned off the mood lights, Rachel gave him a huge hug and congratulated him on a job well done. She then took his hand and led him to an unexplored area of the apartment. Rachel turned the corner to the room beside her and the second she crossed the threshold, lights came on. They were introduced to a walk in closet nearly twice the size of the one Jesse used. Rachel's jaw dropped. Even though it was currently empty, it was tailor designed for a woman. The rack system was the same as what Jesse had as well as an organizer for shoes and bags that worked similarly. There was also an island in the middle with various elegantly designed areas for sun glasses. The drawers opened to store more sunglasses or jewelry. There were various spots along the closed racks that would allow you to store more fashion accessories. At the end of the room was a stand that stood around 360 degree mirrors. Along the left wall was a quote that said 'well behaved women rarely make history', a famed Marilyn Monroe quote. Along the other wall, more predominately it said 'Whether it's a heart attack or heartbreak… just like on Broadway, the show must go on.'

"How…" Rachel asked pointing at the quote on the wall. She turned to look at Jesse who smiled at her. "I never said that to you…"

"Facebook, my dear. Someone you had said it around posted in on Facebook, it got shared and eventually ended up shared on my wall. I think it's a perfect quote. It was either that or quote Queen. I figured that was a better touch."

"It's beautiful, thank you." She smiled lightly at jealous then made the realization that Shelby had disappeared. She walked around the room in hopes to find her with no luck. "Where did Shelby go?"

Jesse didn't say a word but led Rachel into the bathroom that is conjoined to the walk in closet. Sure enough, Shelby stood there with a look of heaven in her eyes. If she ever could have planned a dream bathroom, this would have been it. Everything was a soft turquoise color and followed an elegant water theme made to make you feel as though you were under the sea. The counters were a transparent turquoise color with water flowing freely under them like a stream. The taps were non touch and flowed like gentle water falls. The cupboards were tucked under the ledges. There were also sea shell shaped mini shelves in the walls along the mirrors. In the centre of the bathroom towards the showers was a large soaking tub made of the same kind of look as the tiles of the sink. The single toilet was tucked away in a mini powder room along the left hand wall. The showers were massive; they took up the entire end wall. There were four shower heads over head as well as shower jets out at the side. Something about the design was magnificent and erotic at the same time.

"You've out done yourself, St. James," Rachel started only to be cut off from Jesse as they made their way towards the living room.

"Jesse," he said simply, "St. James doesn't have the heart to design the rooms like I did."

"They were beautiful," Shelby commented as the entered the full length of the living room. "I was wondering where you hid your piano."

"Of course I have it," he stated, "I like the space in here since it helps lead to impromptu concerts and karaoke nights…" his voice dropped. "Or it would if I had friends to do it up with. The guys at NYUS hate me. Either I'm too good and they're jealous asshats or their girlfriend wants me and I'm the bad guy. It's not like I flirt with them all anymore."

Rachel sprawled out on the large leather couch and let herself sink into it while Shelby settled for the lazy boy chair. Jessie looked at Rachel and smiled. She looked genuinely relaxed. She had a lot going on in her life and a lot to deal with emotionally. Jesse snatched the iPod touch from the coffee table in the centre of the space and opened an app. The TV responded to this action. He turned on Netflix and started up Gossip Girl. A few moments into the show, a woman who was in her late 30s to early 40s come into the room. She was tall and voluptuous with blonde hair and green eyes. She was beautiful. Jesse looked at her with admiration as he helped her clear off the push cart of green tea and vegan finger foods, pita bread slices with hummus dip. Jesse helped her being the cart into the kitchen and had a brief conversation with the woman. He excited to room laughing. He shook it off and settled down with the ladies. He sat down at Rachel's feet, and pulled them onto his lap. The trio sat down and enjoyed their bonding. They talked very little, opting to just enjoy the companionship. After the 2ns episode, Shelby gave the young adults hugs and made Jesse promise to get Rachel home in one piece. Their marathon continued and the 4th episode, Jesse realized it was midnight. Rachel chose this time to rest her head against his thigh. He felt himself tense up. For a moment, he had no clue what to do. Rosalie came up behind them and covered her with a throw blanket. She leaned down and instructed Jesse to just be calm and that it was okay to put my arm around her. He nodded to her in thanks, whispering good night as she disappeared into her room for the night. Rachel periodically would comment on something in the episode. But he could tell she was getting tired. He pulled his phone out of his jeans and texted Santana.

_Rachel is with me. We are having a Gossip Girl marathon. If she falls asleep, I will let her crash in my room. I will respectfully sleep in the other room. So don't worry._

He quickly put the phone on the side of the sofa and put his arm back around Rachel and continued with their marathon. 

* * *

**Brooklyn, NY**

Back in Brooklyn, Santana had just walked into the door with Danni in tow from a long shift at work when her phone chimed. She quickly read the text and smirked. She knew Jesse would behave himself. An asshole he could be, but stupid he wasn't. He wouldn't rush things and risk Rachel never speaking to him again.

_Take care of her. Lima Heights Adjacent. Remember that._

Danni peaked over Santana's shoulder and smiled. She knew about the situation and was glad that Rachel had a somewhere she could go for support. As the girls approached the kitchen, they discovered Kurt flipping out while Blaine attempted to calm him down.

"How can you be so calm about this?!" Kurt shouted, "Do you not realize what that sick fuck is doing to her? She's vulnerable and he has the audacity..."

"Whoa whoa whoa!" Santana shouted getting her friends attention. "Lady Hummel what do you have your panties in a bunch about?"

He shot her a glare. "It's Jesse St. Jackass. He found a way back into Rachel's life and he's..."

"Just a friend," Santana finished as she folded her hands across her chest. "She's perfectly fine with him. He's being no more than a friend. He knows what will happen if he crosses that line right now."

Kurt looked at her in disbelief. "You know about this?!" His words had venom in it.

"For your information Porcelain," Santana started getting closer to Kurt letting him know she wasn't about to back down. "I am the one who drove to Akron to tell him what was going on. Like it or not, she needs a friend..."

"So that's where you were during the wake!" Kurt snarled getting in Santana's face. "You ditched my brother's wake to go meddle with the person he hated most. We are Rachel's friends!"

"Kurt," Blaine said quietly. "I think what Santana means is we are all emotionally connected to the situation. Some more than others," he motioned to him and Santana. "Santana is doing as well as she is because she has Danni and you're getting by because of Elisa. Who does Rachel have that's not connected? No one. Every bit of her life was linked to Finn in some way."

Kurt froze and backed off from Santana. He looked at the Latina with pleading eyes. "But why him... Finn..."

"Is gone," Santana snarled, masking her own emotions. Kurt looked at her horrified. "That's the reality. He's gone. Two people remotely understood Rachel. Finn and St. James. Finn may not have liked him but what did he say to you..."

"That if anything ever happened to him to make sure Jesse was there to put the pieces together," Blaine repeated remembering the night the four of them had spent a few months ago on McKinley's stage. "That he trusted no one to love Rachel the way she deserves like he did other than Jesse."

Kurt was in tears. "He knew something was going to happen."

Blaine wrapped his arms around his fiancé. "We don't know if he did or not but with everything that was going on with your dad... We all reflected on life a little more. We all said things about what we would want if our time was up."

Kurt pulled away from Blaine and with tears streaming from his face, he wrapped his arms around Santana who was falling apart herself. She returned the hug.

"You were honoring my brothers wish," he choked out. "I'm sorry San.."

"It's alright Lady Hummel." She responded quietly. "Look at us. This is why Finn would have wanted us to get him. We are still falling apart. Rachel needs our support, of course she does and we will always be there for her but she needs someone who's not involved to make sure she stays together. That she doesn't give up her dreams. "

"It's all Finn ever wanted," Kurt sniffled. "Her dreams to come true."

Santana nodded. "She's alright. You can trust him."

Kurt pulled away from Santana and took a deep breath to compose himself. He ventured into the living room and threw himself onto the couch. The group followed close behind. The clock caught Kurt's eyes. He shot up.

"Calm down," Santana laughed, "She's with him now. Something about a Gossip Girl marathon."

The entire room looked at her. Danni made a comment about how the guy must lover her to watch that and made her way into Santana's room. Santana followed behind, waving at the couple. Kurt and Blaine exchanged looks. Blaine looked amused.

"A real life Blair and Chuck," Blaine teased sitting on the sofa beside his lover. "It's quite cute."

Kurt laughed and wrapped his arms around Blaine. "I could see that. Oh am I ever going to be okay with this?"

Blaine shook his head. "Probably not. None of us can imagine Rachel being with anyone other than Finn but..."

"That'll never be the case again," Kurt finished, wiping fresh tears from his eyes. "I hated her with Brody."

Blaine nodded. "Yes you did. Think about it. Force yourself to see Rachel with someone who isn't Finn. Who do you see?"

Kurt shook his head. "I can't. I can't."

Blaine held onto his lover and soothed him as best as he could. "You're not ready to admit he's gone."

"No, I'm not. He was the big brother I never had. I loved him like one. How can I ever come to grips that I lost my brother..." Kurt let a sob out. "To drugs! He was always so careful. I can't understand what happened or what went to wrong that he felt the need to turn to that life. I just can't. A car accident I'd have no choice to accept. They aren't always your fault. They happen but... A fatal mix of heroin and alcohol. That's not Finn. That I can't accept. I cannot accept that he was so careless."

Blaine bit back his own tears. "He got caught up in a horrible disease. Who knows how long this had really been going on? He had his demons and sadly, those demons beat him. Finn was never the classic drug addict. He was always an amazing person. A talented young man with a heart of gold. We can't focus on the drugs. We need to focus on the man."

Kurt looked at Blaine with love and admiration. He leaned forward and kissed him softly. "You're a smart man. It was a tragedy. An accident. We all know he never intended for this to happen."

Blaine nodded as he rested his forehead on Kurt's. "That's right. An accident. It makes the pain a little easier to deal with. I lost my cousin the same way as Finn. Once I forced myself to look at it that way, I was able to get through it."

"Do you still miss your cousin?"

"Every day. But we can't forget that although they are no longer on earth with us, they remain forever in our hearts."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

"Jesse." Kurt said simply.

Blaine looked at him confused. "What do you mean?"

"You asked who I could imagine Rachel being with now that Finn is no longer with us. My answer is Jesse," he explained. "I don't like it. I may never like it. He will never be my brother but if he can make Rachel live again than I will suck up my personal feelings."

Before Blaine could respond, the fire alarms in the hall way of the apartment complex began to ring loudly. This was a common occurrence. Often enough, it was simply the punk kids in the building pulling them for kicks. Santana and Danni came out of the room with Santana cursing in Spanish. Danni walked over to the window and gasped loud enough for everyone to hear.

"The apartment under us is on fire. We have to get out of here!"

Chaos ensued. The gang began to run around the apartment grabbing items of absolute importance including laptops and pictures. They were about to exit the apartment when they noticed smoke working its way up through the floors. Panic began to set it. Kurt, however, suddenly turned around and ran into Rachel's room, Santana behind him. They grabbed the box Rachel kept her most valuable memories in, her Finn box, and his jersey and letterman jacket. Kurt scrambled around the room and finally found the laptop and ran out with Santana. The trip down the stairs was quick. They made it out to the front of the apartment in record time. Danni took off to her car and brought it as close to the building as she could, letting her friends put their stuff into it. They returned to the apartment building and watched it burn. Tears filled their eyes. They were still recovering from the loss of their friend and brother and now, they may very well lose everything they had in New York, including their home.

Danni fumbled with her phone and found Rachel's number. She pressed call and prayed the young girl would answer... 

* * *

_**Upper East Side, NY.**_

Jessie had just carried Rachel into his bedroom and tucked her in for the night when he heard her phone ringing from the living room. It was probably Kurt freaking out. Maybe he knew where she was. He leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on her head and left the room, closing the door behind him. The phone was going through its fourth series of rings. He jogged to the living room only to have the riming seize. Sure enough she had four missed calls from someone names Danni. If he remembered correctly, that was Santana's new girlfriend. He was about to call the number back when it rang again.

"Hello, Rachel Berry's phone. Jesse speaking," he said in his most professional voice

"Jesse, its Danni. I know we have never met but this is important," this woman had been crying. He could hear a lot of commotion around her. He could make out screaming, crying and the sounds of sirens. This send panic through him. "The apartment, it's on fire. It's already a 5 alarm. I don't think anything good is going to come of this. My best guess is that it's going to be a write off."

Jesse closed his eyes and sunk into his leather sofa. This was not something that this group if friends needed right now. "Can you get them in a cab or something?"

"No," she responded, "I have my car. I can take them to a hotel…"

"Please, no," Jesse said quickly, cutting her off, "Let me text you my address. Bring them here. I'll let Anthony, the night time door man know what happened and that you are coming."

There was silence. "Is Rachel there?"

"Yes, she is. She's passed out in the other room."

"Text me the address," she sighed, "I'll see what I can do."

_737 Park Ave. 20A. The valet will take your car. Tell them you're a guest of St. James._

Jesse pocketed Rachel's phone and ran into Rosalie's room, not even bothering to knock. The middle aged woman shot up in her bed. "Jesse, what in the world-?!"

"There's a fire at Rachel's apartment," he said in a panic. "Keep an eye on her while I go down and talk to Anthony, please?"

She sat up in bed and stretched. "How many are coming?

"Four, I believe."

She nodded and stood up, grabbing her robe. "I'll fix them some hot chocolate and some snacks. They're not going to be in a mood to sleep when they get here and they will obviously be distraught. You handle Anthony and I'll handle things here." She motioned towards the elevator. "Go boy. It is going to be a long night."

As Jesse sat in the elevator, anxiously awaiting it's descend, his thoughts assaulted him. A few weeks ago, life had been simple for him. Within a month and a half, he went from being on his own to being a major rock for a broken hearted woman reeling from her boyfriend's death to being the one to pick up the pieces of a group of friends who not only lost a dear friend but quite possibly their home. The one thing that racked his mind the most was how was he going to break this news to Rachel? 

* * *

_Oh noez. I hate to end it there or have an ending like that but it's all part of the grander picture. What's it going to be like having an emotionally spent Santana, Rachel, Kurt and well... Jesse St. James in the same quarters for more than a few hours? I almost feel bad for Blaine and Rosalie._

_Until next time, PLEASE read and review._


	5. Beside You

**Chapter 5  
Beside You**

* * *

****First off, I am SO sorry for the lateness of this. I know this is the shortest chapter I have written so far with the exception of the first, however, I do believe the ending is perfect. I am sorry for how long this took. I recently got a vicious cold and that resulted in an unessicarily cruel case of Writer's Block. Music, thankfully, brought me inspiration as you can see in this song. Thank you to everyone who reviewed. The last chapter for my most PM's/Reviews and for that I am insanely happy and grateful for. I am so glad that so many people like this story. I will eventually write everyone a personal thank you, I have been meaning too however, life is what it is. I hope you guys love this chapter and I promise that the next chapter will be longer!

Thanks guys! :)

* * *

The car was silent. Santana was in shock, Kurt was a wreck and Blaine looked lost. Dani sighed as she pulled in front of the Park Avenue building. The group of adults in her car couldn't process where they were or what they were doing. It was as if they were a pack of zombies. Dani helped each adult out of the car and got them to stand on the side walk. Two employees of the building took the personal belongings the group was able to salvage and headed inside, no doubt bringing them to Jesse's penthouse. Dani was about to lead the group inside when a gorgeous young man with bright blue eyes San adorable curls approached her.

"You're Dani, correct?" Jesse asked

She smiled and nodded. So this was the infamous Jesse St. James she heard so much about. "I am. Any chance you can help me get them inside?"

"Of course," he nodded and led the group inside.

The venture to the apartment was silent. This surprised Jesse. He knew Santana would have nothing negative to say and that Blaine was generally a guy who didn't look for confrontation, but Kurt, he expected an opinion from Kurt. He wasn't going to pressure the idea. Especially right now. When the elevator opened, he led the group to the living room where the hot chocolate and snacks awaited them. Kurt leaned on Blaine's shoulder while his boyfriend indulged in the warm liquid.

Blaine was the first one to break the silence. He looked up at Jesse with grateful eyes. "Thank you."

Jesse nodded. "You're welcome. I was not about to let you guys go to a motel. Not when I have the space for you all here."

From the doorway of the kitchen leading into the living room was Rosalie, watching then inventively. She was proud of the man Jesse was becoming. He knew a lot of it was driven by the love he had for the sleeping woman in his bed. Watching him grow up, she had seen his conquests come and go. Never once batting an eyelash for any of them again. Then he went to sectionals all those years ago with Shelby to check out the competition and that was when he saw her. She came out from behind the audience and belting out "Don't Rain on my Parade". He came home that night and all he could talk about was this vibrant young woman that could very well rival his own talent. He was hesitant to take on the assignment that his coach gave him but he knew it would give him a chance to get close to her. He fell for her hard and fast. She broke his heart and he in turn traded love for his fourth championship. When she chose Finn over him, he destroyed him. He came home from New York depressed and lacked all motivation. He eventually bounced back and did what he had to do to make a name for himself without his show choir team. Now he was doing his first Broadway show. All he ever wanted to do was make her proud, even if she was set to marry another man. Now he was here opening his home to his once enemies who have been faced with yet another tragic situation. She reminded herself of when her mother told her that god only gives someone what they can handle.

The young group were all beginning to thaw out from shock. Santana had wrapped her arms around Jesse and sobbed. Blaine had to fight back tears as he spoke to his parents. Kurt however couldn't. He sobbed and sobbed hard. Jesse's heart broke for him. His parents were just thankful everyone was alright. Then came the task of calling Rachel's fathers. For this, Blaine took the task. While Blaine was out on the terrace handling the Berry men, Jesse kept an eye on everyone. They were mostly quiet. They said the odd word here and there but they let themselves get engrossed in Gossip Girl. Apparently Santana really disliked Chuck, which made him chuckle. Dani knew most of the lines off by heart. He could tell she was an avid fan. It was nearly three in the morning, but at least everyone was safe.

"There's an updated news report on," Rosalie stated as she came into the room. "It's on the box. Just rewind it a bit. Aired a minute ago."

"Thank you," Jesse yawned. "Rosalie, this is Dani, Kurt, Santana and the one coming from the terrace is Blaine. Guys this is Rosalie. She's a dear friend and former nanny of mine."

"Now I just make sure he doesn't starve to death and keeps this place from looking like a bomb went off," she joked. "If you guys need anything at all my room is right there. If I'm home and not around you can find me there. My cell number is also posted on the fridge if you need. If anything changes please wake me. Good night."

The group said goodnight as they turned on the news report. The news wasn't good. They all sat there on the sofa without words. What could they say? Reports were stating that an electrical problem caused the fire and the majority of units had been destroyed. The images on the screen showed what had come of the fire – it was absolute destruction.

"Tell me that isn't our apartment and that you guys are here for some sort of surprise party," a voice behind them said.

The five adults spun around and saw the one person none of them were prepared to break the news to yet – Rachel. She was visibly upset. A pang of guilt hit Jesse like a truck, he knew he should have woken her.

Rachel looked at everyone with tears in her eyes. "What? Was no one going to tell me that our apartment was gutted by a fire? Or were you hoping I wouldn't notice?"

Jesse stood up and approached Rachel, only to get slapped in the face, "Rach…"

"Don't Rach me, St. James," Rachel snarled. "How long have you known about this?"

"Since about an hour or two after you fell asleep," Santana said quietly. "He texted me when you fell asleep to confirm you would be staying here. Then I guess Dani tried getting a hold of you and got him instead."

"He opened his home to us when he didn't have too, Rach," this was from Kurt, which surprised Jesse. Rachel shot him a look. "He could have just told Dani to get us to a hotel and he'd tell you in the morning. Knowing you, you would have gotten mad at him for that as well."

Rachel turned around, holding back the tears in her eyes yet she was failing miserably. "Everything… everything I had left of…" she broke down. "Of Finn's was in that apartment and now it's gone..."

"Actually, Yenti, it's in this apartment," Santana stated.

Rachel spun around and looked at Santana in shock, "How…?"

"Before we got out of the building, Santana and I went into your room and got the boxes we knew you cherished," Kurt whispered coming from the kitchen with two teas and handed one to Blaine, "Along with Finn's jersey and jacket."

"There's a red and white box, which I am assuming is your box for Finn," Jesse started, carefully putting his hands on the sides of her shoulders. "and the one you showed me in your room when we dated with all your precious stuff with what looks like some of your trophies and a certain porcelain boot that you usually have on your shelves along with the jersey and jacket are in your walk-in. I put them in there for safe keeping."

Rachel didn't say anything, she simply turned and ran towards her walk in closet.

Kurt stood up, showing the first bit of life all night. "Hold the presses, walk-in as in _walk-in closet_?!"

Jesse smirked and nodded and his five guests took off after Rachel. Jesse simply shook his head and followed them into the closet. Rachel was hurriedly going through her things, taking inventory, while her friends freaked out over every inch of the closet. He expected this kind of behaviour from Kurt and Blaine yet Santana's enthusiasm was humorous. Her girlfriend was sitting on one of the cushions in the middle just admiring the space around her.

"Oh my god!" Santana shouted from the bathroom that was joined up with the closet. "There's a bathtub the size of a small pool in here and oh my god! Look at that shower… That's like ideal fucking right there!"

Jesse laughed loudly. Rachel and Kurt blushed while Blaine followed Kurt into the bathroom. Dani, with a seductive smirk, whispered something into Santana's ear.

"Don't even think about it," Jesse said through laughter. "At least not in this bathroom. This will be Rachel's bathroom while you guys are here. Rachel will take my room, I will be in the room beside it." Jesse pointed to the rooms in question.

"Your room has a hot tub?" Blaine asked Jesse amused.

"Yes, it does. You can use it as long as Rachel is okay with it and any behaviours stay PG."

"You've probably slept with a hundred chicks in that hot tub," Santana said as she followed the home owner into the living room. "As tempting as it would be, no thank you."

Jesse shook his head. "Not that it's none of your business, but I haven't slept with anyone in this apartment."

Santana stopped dead in her tracks. "Oh please, you are a legendary womanizer. You seriously expect me to believe that you haven't tapped a single ass while you've been living here? How long have you been here?"

"Santana!" Kurt squealed.

"I haven't seen him with a woman in that way for a few years now," Rosalie interrupted as she finished cleaning up the mugs and plates. "He didn't even engage in his usual ménage e tois celebration."

Santana laughed while Rachel, Kurt, Blaine and Dani looked at him with slightly judgemental looks. Jesse blushed, shooting Rosalie a stare of annoyance and embarrassment while Santana slapped his butt playfully. "Dani and I could take you for a spin but…" her eyes quickly dashed to Rachel then back at Jesse. "I think three would be a crowd for you. I never thought I'd see the day _the_ Jesse St. James…"

"It's been a long day, we are all very stressed, I think it is time for us to get some sleep," Rachel said quickly trying to avoid the obvious embarrassment Santana was going for. "We should figure out sleeping arrangements, right Jesse?"

"Um… yeah," he responded, "Alright, Kurt and Blaine, there's a room just at the end of that hallway there. Has the third largest walk-in, so enjoy." Kurt and Blaine said their thanks and perhaps a little too excitedly. "Dani and Santana, right there is the perfect room for the two of you."

The girls hugged Jesse and headed off to their room. Santana yelled what sounded like goodnight hot stuff before disappearing into the room. Rachel, Jesse and Rosalie stood in the living room, not truly wanting to believe it was nearly five thirty in the morning.

"Well, considering the time and the events of this evening," Rosalie said with a yawn, "I am going to head to bed. Wake me if you need anything."

Rachel and Jesse said their good nights to Rosalie and stood silently in the living room for a moment. Jesse wasn't really sure what he could say while Rachel had a million thoughts running through her mind. She knew her life was in shambles. She had lost everything she owned with the exception of a few prized possessions. She could have been forced into a hotel she couldn't afford and instead Jesse took not only her in but her friends as well. The friends who were once the enemy. She walked over to him and hugged him.

"Thank you. I cannot thank you enough for what you have done for my friends and I."

Jesse returned the hug. "No need to thank me. You guys have had it pretty rough lately."

Rachel laughed awkwardly. "You have no idea." She looked at Jesse in the eye and smiled. "Show me my room?"

He motioned towards his room. "Take my room. I'll be in the one beside it. "

Rachel shook her head. "No, no. I can't take your room. You've been more than..."

Jesse put his finger on Rachel's lip to silence her, "No arguing with me, Rachel. Take it. I am more than able to sleep in a bed as equally comfortable. I think I can survive without the hot tub. I don't know how but I will."

Rachel smiled slightly, "Alright. Fine, for toni… or today… I guess. We will hash this out when I'm not totally stressed and exhausted, deal?"

Jesse pondered what she said, "Deal, but we both know I will win this one. Get some sleep. If you need me, you know where I am."

"I will," Rachel whispered, wrapping her arms around Jesse in a hug. "Good night, Jesse."

He quickly kissed the top of her head and let her go, "Night Rach."

* * *

_**Two Hours Later**_

Jesse had been asleep when a blood piercing scream woke him up. It came from Rachel's room. He flipped out of bed and stumbled into her room. He found her sitting on the bed, sweating and breathing heavily. She obviously had a bad dream. He ran to her side and threw his arms around her. Rachel collapsed into his arms and sobbed her heart out. Every now and then he could make out words like Finn and fire. She must have been dreaming about Finn dying in the fire or something like that. It wasn't uncommon for fears to cross paths in dreams. Something about how one's subconscious deals with things. Jesse began to rub her head and closed his eyes. He was never good with the spoken word and maybe that's not what Rachel needed right now. In the past, when they didn't know how to say something to one another they would express themselves through song.

_When your tears are spent on your last pretense_  
_and your tired eyes refuse to close and sleep in your defense._  
_When it's in your spine like you've walked for miles_  
_And the only thing you want is just to be still for a while_  
_If your heart wears thin I will hold you up_  
_And I will hide you when it gets too much_  
_I'll be right beside you_  
_I'll be right beside you_

As he sang, Rachel slowly began to relax. Not wanting to completely let go of her, he unravelled one arm from around her and used a finger to lift her chin so he could look at her. He wiped her tears and continued to sing.

_When you're overwhelmed and you've lost your breath_  
_when the space between the things you know is blurry nonetheless._  
_When you try to speak but you make no sound_  
_And the words you want are out of reach but they've never been so loud_  
_If your heart wears thin I will hold you up_  
_And I will hide you when it gets too much_  
_I'll be right beside you_  
_I'll be right beside you_  
_I will stay._  
_Nobody will break you,_  
_Yeah._

Rachel looked away from Jesse's eyes and pulled away from him a little bit, allowing only the arm around her to keep any contact with her.

_Trust in me, trust in me._  
_Don't pull away_  
_Trust in me, trust in me._  
_I'm just trying to keep this together,_  
_because I could do worse and you could do better_

Rachel slowed herself to fall onto the bed and pulled Jesse down with her. She rested her head against his chest and let herself cry softly. Jesse continued to rub her back and he sang, hoping to soothe her anyway he could. All he wanted was to make the woman he loved feel better, even if it was only ever as nothing but a friend. He knew she was a long way from ever letting someone in again; he was okay with that. This, right here, was more than he could have ever hoped for.

_Tears are spent on your last pretense_  
_and your tired eyes refuse to close and sleep in your defense._  
_If your heart wears thin I will hold you up_  
_And I will hide you when it gets too much_  
_I'll be right beside you_  
_Nobody will break you_

Rachel's crying had completely subsided. She was now peacefully asleep, hopefully free from any further nightmares. Jesse kissed her head once more and let the final words of the song slip from his lips, this time much quieter than the way he had been singing prior. He secretly hoped that if her friends slept through her screams that he didn't wake them with his singing; he wasn't looking forward to a Lima Heights encounter from Santana for it.

_If your heart wears thin I will hold you up_  
_And I will hide you when it gets too much_  
_I'll be right beside you_  
_Nobody will break you_  
_If your heart wears thin I will hold you up_  
_And I will hide you when it gets too much_  
_I'll be right beside you_  
_Nobody will break you._

* * *

_**Outside the Room**_

"I don't know if I should go in there and strangle him or hug him," Santana whispered with her ear against the door, "That was possibly the sweetest thing I have ever witnessed him do."

"Technically, you didn't witness it, you heard it," Blaine stated playfully

"Can it, Pretty pony," she snapped with an amused look, "I think it's safe for us to head back to sleep. She probably had a nightmare; she sounds alright. She's quiet so he either calmed her down or suffocated her with a pillow."

Kurt's eyes widened in horror, "I am going to pretend you never said such a horrid thing and I am going to return to my bedroom with my boyfriend. Good night, ladies."

"Night Lady Hummel," Santana said a little too loudly, receiving a wave from Kurt.

* * *

_**Inside Jesse's room.**_

Once the final note slipped from his lips, he held onto her tightly for a moment, listening to her breathing. It was soothing to him, like her voice often was. He kissed her head again, this time lingering a little longer than he normally would have and felt a single tear fall from his eyes. He hated that she was so miserable and lost. Thinking she was asleep, he whispered the one thing he had been wanting to say to her for a long time yet never found the courage to outright say to her.

"I love you, Rachel," his voice was barely a whisper, "I always will."

Ten, maybe twenty minutes passed without a word, not that he was expecting anything from the sleeping girl. Frankly, he was glad she wasn't awake. He probably never would have said such a thing had she been. While he was ecstatic to have her back in his life he wished time and time again that it was under better circumstances.

"Stay with me," Rachel grumbled, which surprised Jesse. Maybe she was sleep talking. Whatever it was from, he could never deny a request such as that.

"Always," he responded before closing his eyes in hopes that he could find his own peaceful slumber.

* * *

_Aaaaannnnddd there you have it. Short, I know! Forgive me, k? I promise the next one will be longer. I look forward to your wonderful reviews and feedback._

_The song used in this chapter is one of my all time favourites and you will be seeing more of this band within the story._

_"Beside You" - By Marianas Trench._

_Read and review lovlies!_


	6. Goodbye My Lover

_Hello lovelies. Tonight was an interesting night! All my notifications from FF went to my junk mail so I went all week thinking I got no reviews or anything! What a surprise it was for me to sign on here and notice I had some. I have fixed the issues with my email so it doesn't happen again! _

_As usual, thank you SO much for the reviews you have given me. It means the world to me. I am happy that people are enjoying my story. Who say the premier this week? ZOMG Klaine 3 but Cory's absence was horribly obvious and the show will never be the same without him. RIP Cory. _

_Lots of music in this one. Credited at the bottom._

_As usual, I own nothing but the story._

* * *

**Chapter 6  
Goodbye My Lover**

**Monday.**

Monday had arrived and despite losing their home a few days prior, the gang found themselves back at school for the fall semester. Kurt was starting his second semester at NYADA, Rachel was a sophomore now, and Blaine was entering his first semester while Santana started her first semester at Julliard where she received a full scholarship for their dance program. Jesse was starting year two at NYSU, or so everyone believed.

Rachel was somewhat happy to be back at school. She knew the distraction would be amazing however many people knew about Finn and would no doubt be gossiping. Then add to the mix that her home had been destroyed and if it not had been for Jesse, she would not have had the ability to be properly prepared for any of her classes. None of them would have been. Jesse insisted on donating the money to help everyone rebuild their wardrobes and get what necessities they needed. It took a lot of convincing on his part, however, he eventually won. Isabelle had also been a fairy god mother to the gang by donating clothes from the vault and pulling strings to ensure that their education would be paid for. She wanted the group to rebuild and not have to worry about making tuition.

Rachel took a deep breath and entered the one class she wish she didn't have first every day, Cassandra July. She was grateful that Blaine was a member of her class since they often mix years up but she was afraid that Cassandra would be ruthless to her. She walked into class and did as she always did. She put her bag down and begin to stretch out with Blaine, who looked nervous as anything. By the time Rachel and Blaine were complete, Cassandra was 10 minutes late. The pair opted for a warm up on the bars. Rachel got so lost in her mind that when she did a simple piel, she slipped. That of course was the very moment Cassandra and Brody walked in. Although they had made nice, she was never truly sure where she stood with her.

"Try to shut your mind off, Rachel," Cassandra stated walking into the room. "Pretend life doesn't exist. That it's just you and the music. You'll focus better."

Rachel nodded in thanks. Class went smoothly for the first bit. She explained that the classes would be mixed on a rotation bases. First two weeks, everyone was mandatory. Following that, three weeks would be spent rotating days with the fourth week being daily all together. They reviewed basic things and kept things light which was strange for Cassandra. The girls around the room talked a lot about Rachel. Whispering mean things about Finn's death. She tried to ignore them. She prayed for class to be over, which it wouldn't be for another hour or for a miracle. The latter was seemingly what she was going to get. To her surprise, a young man walked in with his hood up. Cassandra instantly began to berate TV student when he handed her some paper. It appeared to be a transfer notice. Cassandra looked annoyed.

"Well well," she said in that bitch tone that had been directed at her more than a few times. "a NYUS transfer student who thinks he is better than anyone. Let me guess, you failed into getting into NYADA the first time and somehow managed a second chance with Madame Tibideaux. I suppose you believe you don't need this class mmm? Is that why you're so late? I don't do late in this class. Let's go Reaper, get that hoodie off. I want to hear why you think you have the right to waltz in here so late."

The young man walked over to the benches and stripped off the hoodie. He was wearing the same outfit all the guys wear including a shirt that showed off every prefect muscle in his arms and shoulders. Rachel's eyes were drawn to the small crest on the base of his neck. Carmel High with an elegant V.A. in the centre of it. Hey eyes widened in shock. She didn't even need to see the curls to know who it was. One of the girls, however, squealed like a fan girl. Rachel studied her and realized that she had seen her before. She had been in Aural Intensity that year they performed in New York.

"You're Jesse St. James!" she exclaimed. "You won four consecutive National Show choir Championships. Your performance of "Bohemian Rhapsody" is the greatest show choir performance in over a decade. You're a legend!"

Cassandra rolled her eyes while Rachel and Blaine couldn't wipe the looks of surprise and confusion off their faces, "High school show show choir legend? Who was your coach?"

She seemed almost genuinely interested. "Shelby Concrane. Eight wins as a coach, four of which had me front and centre." Jesse stood inches away from Cassandra. Rachel hid her smirk, she could tell that Cassandra thought he was a "hot piece of ass". Rachel was relieved to know the ruthlessness of Jesse St. James still existed. "So yes, I am a legend."

Cassandra was undressing Jesse with her eyes. This even made Brody slightly amused. "I remember you. You're the one that gave up your shot at a second chance to plead the case of one of the members of your rival team at the Nationals Competition in Chicago," Cassandra stated, unaware of who it was that he did that for. "Tell me St. James, did your sacrifice pay off?"

Without taking his eyes off the small woman in front of him, Jesse smiled, "It did. She's doing quite well here in NYADA. I told Madame Tibideaux then that she was the most talented person I have ever met, bar none, and I still mean that today." Jesse straightened out and slightly puffed out his chest with that confident smirk he's famous for. "Once she caught wind that I would be staring alongside NYADA's own Rachel Berry as Nick Arnstein in Funny Girl along with my impressive resume in performing arts, she offered me a chance to audition again. Needless to say I nailed it and here I am to show each and every one of you just how inferior you truly are. I suspect that by the end of the semester, the majority of you will quit or plead insanity."

Brody must have caught the look on Rachel's dace as she processed the conversation going on in front of her. She was in utter disbelief that Jesse had the chance to speak to Madame Tibideaux in Chicago and plead his own case for a second chance and instead he used it to try and give her a leg up with getting in after her horrific choke. The jealousy in Brody's face was obvious. Not only did Jesse seemingly have a history with Rachel but he was going to be performing with her on Broadway… this guy was making any dreams that she had come true any way he could. With Finn out of the picture for good, this was a chance to get Rachel back in his good graces but he knew that he could never do such a thing with Jesse her as a threat. While his attitude sucked, horribly, he could Rachel had more than enough experience with it. Perhaps there was even a side to him that few people, including herself, knew about. This was going to be a much harder challenge than he ever could have imagined. He looked at Jesse and gritted his teeth.

"Alright, _legend, _how about you prove your worth, midnight madness style? Cassandra will choose the song and we perform… singing AND dancing. No applause from the class, all silent. After the performance, the class will stand behind who they believe is better," Brody was now standing in front of Jesse with his arms across his chest. "This isn't high school anymore, Reaper, I will show you what real talent is."

Jesse smirked, "You're on."

"Cassandra?" Brody asked taking his place at the other side of the class as the students spread across the room.

Cassandra looked at the boys for a moment, studying them. Rachel and Blaine took a spot that was close to Jesse yet still allowed them to see the show down. Cassandra smirked and walked over to her iPod dock and searched through the songs. She pressed play and the opening notes for Justin Timberlake's _"Like I Love You"_ began to play. Brody attempted to hide the annoyed look on his face while Jesse smirked, he knew he had this in the bag. As the music began to pick up, the boys began to move to the beat. The two met at the middle when Justin was about to start singing but Jesse lightly pushed Brody back, giving him a clear indication that the verse was his.

_Jesse:  
I kind of noticed something wasn't right  
In your colorful face  
It's kind of weird to me  
Since you're so fine  
If it's up to me your face'll change..._

Jesse was keeping with the style of the music, much like what you would have expected to see in a performance of the song while Brody tried to mix that with a little more theatrics. Both men were rocking it – which concerned Rachel. She wanted to see Jesse win this one, she knew that Brody needed to be knocked down a few pegs off his high horse. Voice wise, it was no competition. Jesse was schooling him.

_(Brody) & Jesse  
If you smilin', that should set the tone  
(Just be limber)  
And If you let go, the music should groove your bones  
Just remember  
(Sing this song with me)_

The two men were now following each other's move in unison for the chorus, which was the exact choreography that Justin used in the video and in performances; for this they met at the invisible line each time for a true faceoff.

_Jesse/Brody:  
Ain't nobody love you like I love you  
You're a good girl and that's what makes me trust ya  
Late at night, I talk to you  
You will know the difference when I touch you_

With the chorus ending, Brody broke back out to his previous style, as did Jesse.

_Brody:  
People are so phony  
Nosy cause they're lonely  
Aren't you sick of the same thing?  
They say so and so was dating  
Love you or they're hating  
When it doesn't matter anyway  
Cause we're here tonight_

Brody, danced over to Rachel and began to sing to her while trying to get her to dance with him; something that obviously made her uncomfortable. Jesse turned him around, staying in beat with the music with a smug look on his face.

_(Jesse) & Brody:  
If you smiling, that should set the tone  
(Just be limber baby)  
And If you let go, the music should groove your bones  
(Baby just remember  
Sing this song with me)_

_Brody/Jesse:_

_Ain't nobody love you like I love you_

_You're a good girl and that's what makes me trust ya_

_Late at night, I talk to you  
You will know the difference when I touch you_

_Jesse:  
Yeah, you know I can make ya happy  
I could change your life  
If you give me that chance  
To be your man  
I won't let you down baby  
If you give me that chance  
To be your man  
Here baby, put on my jacket  
And then ..._

_Jesse (Brody)  
Maybe we'll fly the night away (I just wanna love you baby)  
Yeah, yeah, yeah  
Girl  
Maybe we'll fly the night away(I just wanna love you baby)  
Girl ..._

Blaine, with a smile, knowing neither man could handle the rap properly walked out to the lines and pushed them aside. As he performed the rap, each guy took the opportunity to focus on their dance.

_[RAP] – Blaine (Jesse)  
Ma, what you wanna do?  
I'm in front of you  
Grab a friend, see I can have fun with two  
Or me and you put on a stage show  
And the mall kids, that's how to change low  
From them you heard "wow, it's the same glow"  
Look at me, I say "yeah, it's the same dough"  
We the same type, you my air of life  
You have me sleeping in the same bed, every night  
Go rock with me, you deserve the best  
Take a few shots  
Let it burn in your chest  
We could ride down  
Pumping N.E.R.D. in the deck  
Funny how a few words turn into sex  
Play this free, joint called "brain"  
(I just love your, Brain)  
Ma, take a hint  
Make me swerve in the lane  
The name Malicious  
And I burn every track  
Clipse and J. Timberlake  
Now how heavy is that?_

Blaine bowed quickly before being pulled off the performance area by Rachel, who was hiding a laugh. Though she genuinely enjoyed watching Blaine interact with the guys dances.

_Brody (Jesse)  
Maybe we'll fly the night away (I just wanna love you baby)  
Yeah, yeah, yeah  
Girl  
Maybe we'll fly the night away(I just wanna love you baby)  
Girl ... (oh)_

_Jesse (Brody)  
Ain't nobody love you like I love you  
(Can't love you like I do)  
You're a good girl and that's what makes me trust ya  
(Trust ya like I do)  
Late at night, I talk to you  
(Hey)  
You will know the difference when I  
Break this down_

The class knew there was going to be a battle for the last part, which again, Jesse won. This made Rachel pleased. Unlike Brody who tried getting her attention to use her as a prop within the dance, Jesse kept the focus on himself. He understood a song like this was not something she was anywhere near ready to have sung to her, especially in a setting like that. While dancing, Jesse heard a few of the girls make snide comments about how quick Rachel was too jump into the sack with anyone since Finn's death and how she probably slept around to get her role as Fanny. As much as this made him livid, he knew he had to keep it together and not pull another Cassandra July.

_Jesse:  
You know, I used to dream about this when I was a  
little boy  
I never thought it would end up this way, Drums  
(Hey)  
It's kind of special right? Yeah  
You know, you think about it  
Sometimes people just destined  
Destined to do what they do  
And that's what it is  
Now everybody dance._

When the final notes played out, the class did their silent clapping and the class began to divide. A few were hesitant before choosing sides while Blaine and Rachel stood on either side of Jesse, much to Brody's surprise. Jesse gave him his famous cocky look, in his eyes, it didn't matter how many people voted for him, he had won. He knew Brody wanted nothing more than to have Rachel on his side.

Cassandra walked to stand beside both men, facing them, "Well, this is close, very close, however, the winner is clear," she turned to Brody, "as a T.A. I am disappointed in you, Brody, you knew vocally he was stronger, you should have focused on your dancing and not try to pull Rachel into your dance when she was clearly uninterested," she turned to Jesse, "Congratulations, Reaper. No more being late for my class, understood?"

"Of course," Jesse replied with a smile, "Thank you."

"Class dismissed," Cassandra shouted, "Rachel and Brody, stay put. Rachel, your friends are welcomed to stay if you would like them too. Just wait by the door."

She glanced at Blaine and Jesse who gathered their things and scrambled out of the room and waited by the door. Brody went over to talk to Rachel, however, Cassandra cut in front of her.

"How are you doing, Rachel?" she asked, laying a sympathetic hand on her shoulder, "Are you holding in alright?"

Rachel nodded, "I am, thank you for asking. I am taking it one day at a time. My friends, Jesse included, have been amazing during this time. We would be homeless if it wasn't for him."

"Yes, the fire," Cassandra noted, "Did everyone get out alright?"

"I wasn't there at the time of the blaze," Rachel said sadly, "I had been visiting with Shelby and Jesse at the time. I fell asleep while at Jesse's. I woke up in the wee hours to find my friends there. Thankfully, Kurt was able to get a few things I hold dear."

Cassandra nodded, understanding what she meant. Brody rolled his eyes, "You realize that when that freakishly talked Frankenstein decided to kill himself you two hadn't been together for over a year, right? He wasn't your boyfriend so stop moping around playing the sympathy card on everyone! Get over it!"

Rachel's eyes were filled with tears of both anger and pain. She pushed past Cassandra and slapped Brody in the face. "How DARE you?"

Overhearing the conversation, Jesse and Blaine came bolting into the room. Blaine wrapped his arms and Jesse pushed Brody back, "When it comes to her and Finn you stay the fuck out of it or you will personally be dealing with me, understand _whore_?"

"Brody, get your ass over there and do not say another word, do you understand?" Cassandra snapped, then turned to Rachel, "I will deal with him, and if you need anything you know where to find me, alright? Get out of here and calm yourself down."

Rachel nodded and followed the boys out of the room, Jesse walked backwards, watching every move Brody made. Jesse wanted nothing more than to rip Brody apart, however, he knew it wasn't an option at the moment. He took a deep breath and followed Rachel out of the room, wrapping his arm around her free shoulder.

"How about we go to the apartment and work on your song for Tibideaux's class tomorrow?"

* * *

**Meanwhile in the Class.**

The second the trio was gone from the room, Brody picked up a music stand and tossed it across the room then kicked a bench in frustration. Cassandra simply leaned against the door and watched her distraught T.A.

"What is with you?"

"It's Rachel, it's that punk she's apparently _just friends_ with, it's that dead ex-boyfriend of hers, it's everything."

"They have a history, yes," Cassandra noted, "He is the reason she is in this school. He's the reason you ever got your chance with her - but blowing it, that was you're doing. She broke up with Finn and went to you and you hid something massive from her. What did you expect?"

"But… _him….?_"

"They are clearly friends, Brody, you need to keep your jealousy intact. As a NYADA student you are expected to remain professional at all times. You know that."

Brody rolled his eyes, "They're anything but friends, Cassandra. I know that look he gives her, I would know since I give her that same look! He's in love with her."

"So are you," Cassandra walked over to him, "and you want another chance with her, don't you?"

He looked at her with eyes that said it all. "More than anything, Cass. I love her and…."

She put a finger on his lips, "Want even a chance with her? Be her friend. Start with a heck of an apology for how you acted during that number and for everything you said about Finn and simply be a friend. It may take some time for her to trust you again but in time she might. You crossed a lot of lines, Brody. You have to decide if she's worth it or not because when push comes to shove, it won't be easy." She turned and began to walk towards the door. "In fact, it will be damn well near impossible."

* * *

**Upper East Side, NY**

Jesse and Rachel made their way towards the elevator in silence. Blaine had opted to stay back at NYADA to catch Kurt after his class. They had picked up some lunch from a vegan restaurant that Jesse made not of when he first arrived in New York. Neither of them had any more classes for the day so they were going to pass their time with rehearsing Rachel's song for tomorrows fateful class with Tibideaux and of course, Funny Girl. Heavy rehearsal's for Funny Girl were set to start the following week and the two of them wanted to be on top of their game. In the elevator, Rachel leaned against Jesse and yawned. It had been a hard few weeks and frankly, Rachel was beyond exhausted. She would have time to rest; just not quite yet.

The elevator door opened and standing there, looking a total spaz was Shelby. She wrapped her arms around her daughter in a crushing hug. "Oh, thank god you are alright. Jesse told me about the fire and I couldn't get here sooner. Are you Okay? Was anyone hurt?"

Rachel laughed lightly and guided Shelby out of the elevator and hugged her back. "Yes, we are all alright. Jesse so kindly opened his house to all of us."

Shelby smiled and followed them into the living room, "I am not entirely surprised, he has grown a lot these few years. Everyone dealing with it okay?"

"Kurt is in love with his closet," Rachel noted with a smile. "They are all coming to grips with the loss of so much of their lives, as am I but we all made it out. At least we don't have to bury anyone else."

Jesse and Shelby exchanged a look. Rachel walked over to the piano. On top of it was a sea of books that Jesse had of all types of music. Everything from the top 40 hits, rock, pop, Broadway musicals, movies… everything. She flipped through them but ultimately got frustrated. Shelby and Jesse walked into the study and came out with a guitar and sat on the piano bench, looking at Shelby, who had led Rachel to a chair to sit down.

"Would it be alright if we sang something to you?" Shelby asked.

Rachel nodded, "Of course."

"I suggested this song to Jesse, I know this is how it would have been had you been given the chance to say goodbye this way; but I want you to really take in what we are trying to say to you, alright sweetheart?"

Rachel nodded. Shelby looked to Jesse who began to play a slow melody.

_Jesse:  
She's sitting at the table, the hours get later  
He was supposed to be here  
She's sure he would have called  
She waits a little longer, there's no one in the driveway  
No one's said they've seen him  
Why, is something wrong?  
She looks back to the window  
Suddenly the phone rings  
A voice says something's happened  
That she should come right now  
Her mind goes to December  
She thinks of when he asked her  
He bent down on his knees first  
And he said_

Rachel's mind went back to the day Finn proposed and smiled a bittersweet smile as tears began to pool in her eyes.

_Jesse:  
I want you forever, forever and always  
Through the good and the bad and the ugly  
We'll grow old together  
Forever and always_

_Shelby:  
She pulls up to the entrance  
She walks right to the front desk  
They lead her down a million halls, a maze that's never ending  
They talk about what happened but she can barely hear them  
She tries to keep a straight face as she walks into the room  
She sits by his bedside, holds his hand too tight  
They talk about the kids they're gonna have and the good life  
The house on the hillside, where they would stay_

Tears were now making their way down Rachel's face as she thought about the children she would never get to have with Finn; the very kids she always dreamt of. The life she would never get a chance to have with him.

_Shelby & Jesse:  
Stay there forever, forever and always  
Through the good and the bad and the ugly  
We'll grow old together, and always remember  
Whether rich or for poor or for better  
We'll still love each other, forever and always_

_Shelby:  
Then she gets an idea and calls in the nurses  
Brings up the chaplain and he says a couple verses  
She borrows some rings from the couple next door  
Everybody's laughing as the tears fall on the floor  
She looks into his eyes, and she says_

Rachel smiled at that, it would have been something she would have done had she been given the chance. She laid her hand over the engagement ring she wore on her left hand and focused on the good memories she had made with him.

_I want you forever, forever and always  
Through the good and the bad and the ugly  
We'll grow old together, and always remember  
Whether happy or sad or whatever  
We'll still love each other, forever and always  
Forever and always, forever and always_

Jesse put the guitar down and finished the last verse acapella. He looked at Rachel intensely, knowing this was the simple most important verse of the song. This was the main point that Shelby and himself were trying to get across with her.

_Jesse:  
She finishes the vows but the beeps are getting too slow  
His voice is almost too low  
As he says, I love you forever, forever and always  
Please just remember even if I'm not there  
I'll always love you, forever and always_

A sobbing Rachel threw herself into Jesse's arms. She sobbed a thank you to them. Shelby wiped a tear from her eyes and held onto her daughter and the boy she had come to love over the years like a son. Rachel held onto them for a moment before she pulled away with a shaky smile.

"That was absolutely beautiful," Rachel said hugging each of them individually. "You're right. I think if Finn ever wanted to say something to me right now, it would have been that last part. He may not be here butI know he will love me, forever and always."

"You're so strong," Shelby said proudly, "I admire you."

"Would you mind if I take a shot at a song?" Rachel asked looking at Shelby then at Jesse, "I would need one of you to play piano for me. I couldn't focus on both – not with this song."

Jesse nodded, taking his spot on the piano bench, "What song?"

Rachel didn't say anything or make any movement towards the sheet music he laid out. She allowed herself to wonder around the living room. She made her way to the window and watched the world outside. Shelby nestled into the sofa and watched her daughter carefully. Jesse waited patiently, knowing that she knew he would be familiar with the song. Rachel closed her eyes, and allowed the words to flow freely from her lips.

_Did I disappoint you or let you down?  
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?_

Jesse smiled sadly at the woman he loved and began to follow her lead. The soft music filled the penthouse yet wouldn't dare to overpower the woman's broken hearted words.

_'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,  
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.  
So I took what's mine by eternal right.  
Took your soul out into the night.  
It may be over but it won't stop there,  
I am here for you if you'd only care  
You touched my heart you touched my soul.  
You changed my life and all my goals.  
And love is blind and that I knew when,  
My heart was blinded by you.  
I've kissed your lips and held your hand.  
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.  
I know you well, I know your smell.  
I've been addicted to you._

Rachel made her way across the living room, following the windows as she walked. Memories she shared with Finn began to flood her mind once again.

_Goodbye my lover.  
Goodbye my friend.  
You have been the one.  
You have been the one for me._

Rachel had made her way into the other corner of the living room windows. Shelby's heart broke for her daughter while Jesse tried to keep his show face on. Even he was crumbling under this song. Rachel's voice carried such passion and heart break.

_I am a dreamer and when I wake,  
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.  
And as you move on, remember me,  
Remember us and all we used to be  
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.  
I've watched you sleeping for a while.  
I'd be the mother of your child.  
I'd spend a lifetime with you.  
I know your fears and you know mine.  
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,  
And I love you, I swear that's true.  
I cannot live without you._

As she sang, 'I cannot live without you' her voice cracked. She paused for a moment, as did Jesse. Tears ran down her face and she bit back a sob. She pulled herself together and continued to sing, skipping the chorus.

_And I still hold your hand in mine._

_In mine when I'm asleep._

_And I will bare my soul in time,  
When I'm kneeling at your feet._

Rachel laid her hand on the glass and allowed herself to sink into the floor. She rested her head on the glass. Shelby was now in full blown tears, though she remained quiet. From the kitchen door way, Rosalie watched with tearful eyes. She remembered when she was young and she lost a lover the same way Rachel did. She never was the same following his death. She hurt for the girl, in ways that no one else could understand.

_Goodbye my lover.  
Goodbye my friend.  
You have been the one.  
You have been the one for me._

Rachel turned and laid her back against the glass, allowing herself to stand up, Jesse continued to play the music though Rachel had stopped singing. He knew she was simply refocusing herself. Rachel`s eyes met her mother`s. She was crying along with her daughter. Now standing, with her eyes locked with her mothers, she sobbed out the final part.

_I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.  
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.  
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.  
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow._

The penthouse remained silent for a moment. Jesse struggled to pull himself together while Shelby, Rachel and Rosalie all sobbed silently. This is the reason Rachel vetoed singing this song for her class. She wouldn't have been able to handle it; not this song. Shelby went to approach her daughter but Rachel mumbled that she needed to be alone and ran off with overwhelming sadness into Jesse's room, slamming the door behind her. Sobs filled the penthouse causing any strength Jesse had to break open. He leaned his head against the piano and cried silently. Shelby and Rosalie sat on either side of him and leaned their heads against him. It was taking every bit of strength he had not to run into the room behind her and hold her.

"I hate seeing her like this," he choked out, desperately trying to rein himself in. These two woman had seen him fall apart many times in the past but he knew at any moment, the other residences of the penthouse could walk in. He refused to let them see him so weak and vulnerable.

"We all do, Jesse," Shelby whispered. "This is hard on her. Imagine how you would feel if it had been her who passed away, how would you feel?"

"I'd have nothing worth living for anymore," he whispered, "She's my soul mate. I have always known that. Without her in this world, even if she's not with me, it's not a life worth living."

Shelby rolled her eyes at the young man's over dramatics but sighed with a smile. He was so much like his daughter, it was amusing. "That's how she feels right at this very moment. She had every belief that her and Finn were soul mates and that they would wind up married and living the dream. She always told me that they just needed to grow up alone a bit before they could grow back together. She never imagined there would be a future without him in it. He was always endgame for her."

Jesse couldn't hide the flinch as Shelby said that. He knew she was right, but that never stopped it from hurting, "I know. I just don't know what to do."

Rosalie smiled and wrapped her arms around Jesse, "How about you go take a glass of water in to her. Isn't that what you said her dads used to do for her as a child? If she's locked the door, get creative. Sing or something, she'll open the door."

Jesse nodded in thanks and walked into the kitchen. He poured Rachel a glass of ice cold water and walked towards the bedroom. He turned the door handle and to his surprise, it was unlocked. He opened the door quietly and entered the darkness. He tip toed to the bed, where Rachel laid sobbing, wrapped up in Finn's jacket. He laid the glass on the bedside table beside her and rubbed her back gently for a moment. She seemed unphased by his presence.

"I left some water for you on the table," Jesse whispered, "If you need anything, you know where I am."

Jesse was about to walk out of the room when her soft voice grabbed him. "Jesse?"

"Yeah, Rach?" he asked with a smile

"Thank you," she whispered before burying herself back into the pillow.

"Anything, for you."

* * *

_There ya go! I promised at least 2 chapters a week and here ya go. I will try to update more for you guys but we will see how that goes! I hope you liked this chapter! Next chapter... Tibideaux's class of doom. Will the odds be ever in Klaine's favor? (points for those who catch the reference and why) and what songs will Jesse & Rachel choose? Will Brody be singing too? _

_Find out next!_

_SONGS:_

Like I Love You - Justin Timberlake  
Always & Forever - Parachute  
Goodbye My Lover - James Blunt


	7. A Song for a Heart So Big

_Hello darlings! Here we are at chapter 7! Yay! I am a little sad at the fact that this story has received over 3k hits yet only has 17 reviews... but in retrospect, that's still a lot of people reading so I won't complain too much :p_

Here is another update for you guys. I am still sick but I found a bit of time to write. Insomnia is great for that. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter. In the coming week or so, I will be opening a blogspot or livejournal or tumbler or something where I am display various things from the story; i.e. Jesse's penthouse, important outfits, banners myself or my good friend Val makes or anything related to the story. Please feel free to make your suggestions, I am open to hear em! Anything I can post video's (or links to videos) or whatever in would be great! 

_A note about Rachel's song, I wont give it away just yet but if you want to hear it when you get to that part it is based off the Casacada candlelight remix of the song. I felt it fit Rachel so much better than the original._

_Please read and review!_

_I own nothing but the story!_

* * *

**Chapter 7:  
"A Song for a Heart So Big, God Wouldn't let it Live"**

**Upper East Side, NY**

This was it. Reaping day with Madame Tibideaux. The four of them seemingly had the class together this year. With Santana off at Julliard, the four of them, along with Rosalie and Shelby stood in a show circle in the middle of the living room. For three of the NYADA students - this could mean the end. The tension in the room was thick enough to be cut. Shelby looked at the faces at the four students and smiled. These kids were truly devoted to their craft. All stars in the making.

"I want all of you to look at each other and remember everything you have been through together," the three Lima students studied each other while Jesse kept his head down. Shelby gave him a look. "You two St. James. The tragedies these three have faced May not have directly affected you but you have been a huge support and friend. The rock is just as important as everyone else."

Jesse smiled at Shelby and with his best game face on he looked at the group with pride. "You three have taught me a lot since I've been around again. Your strength and resilience is unheard of. Especially you, Rachel. I don't know how I would be able to function let alone continue to shine had I suffered such a loss."

Blaine nodded and squeezed Rachel's hand. "Nor do I. Kurt is my reason for breathing. I wouldn't be standing let alone living. Your strength is admirable. You're one of my role models."

Rachel smiled at Blaine with tears glistening in her eyes. "It's all of you and Santana that are getting me through. Without you guys here in New York I probably would have let myself go down with that building. I was a wreck being in New York on my own when I first came here. Dealing with a blow like that on my own would have been my undoing," Rachel's eyes met each one of them as she spoke. "I love you guys. Each and every one of you. You are my family. As long as we hold onto that, we will get through this together. I've got a long way to go. A long way until I can truly know what happy is anymore but this right here is what Finn would have wanted. "Her eyes met Jesse's and she smirked." Even you." The group laughed. "Now it is my turn to repay all that you have done, all of your strength that you've given me. When you all go up there and you feel like you're ready to puke or pass out, look at me. I'll give you a smile and my strength." Rachel looked at everyone lovingly. "This is how it's meant to be..."

"Don't you be having a show circle without me," Santana called out running from the elevator, sliding in beside Jesse and Shelby. "I forgot my toe shoes."

Everyone shared a chuckle. "This right here ... All of us... We are all the unit that is meant to take New York and the world by storm. The power team. This is the first step for all the great things as a family we will accomplish

Santana smiled at Rachel and put her head on Jesse's. "Aight, no one can top that. Let's bring it in. You too Shelby and Rosalie. One..."

Kurt looked at Santana then Blaine with nothing but love. "Two..."

Blaine smiled at Kurt, then Rachel who shared a look with the two older women. "Three..."

"AMAZING!"

* * *

**NYADA.**

The four of them stood around Madame Tibideaux's famed room awaiting the arrival of their dean. The anxiety was evident on Blaine and Kurt's face while Jesse and Rachel kept theirs well hidden. There were a few freshmen present in today's class. Some looked sick while others looked over confident - those were the ones that usually failed. Last year, Madame Tibideaux kicked out eight freshman through this class. She had only let in twenty five. This class was often the reason that classes were combined. Not that it was a bad thing. It gave freshmen something to inspire too and made upperclassmen push themselves in the event an underclass men was better. Rachel spotted a few girls from her dance class. The ones that loved to torment her with comments about Finn. The one on the right, a carbon copy of Quinn... her name was Nikole... She was the worst. While Rachel never wished harm on anyone, she wouldn't mind watching her fall flat on her face. Like Kurt, she was a second semester freshman. She still stood a good chance of being destroyed during the reaping. That's not to say upperclassmen don't get cut - they do, it's just less likely and you usually have to screw up big time. The ones who are usually cut past their freshman year are the ones Tibideaux warned, told them what to improve on and if they failed to meet her requirements they were sent packing. Rachel had won the winter showcase; something no other freshman had ever done before. She was almost certain that she was safe, however, she knew she had to keep herself together. If she was unable to remain professional despite her recent troubles, she knew it could be her down fall. Broadway didn't care about life problems. The show must always go on.

Madame Tibideaux came into the room and all the students found their seats. The group found a row in the middle and waited anxiously as their dean made her way to the front and centre of the room.

"For Freshman, welcome to NYADA and to my returning students, welcome back. You are all aware of how this master class works. This is your chance to shine. The majority of performers I scout for my Winter Showcase come from this very room. If you are unaware of how this class works then you're about to learn." Her voice was firm, calculated. "I would like to ask the winner of our previous show case to come up. The last Winter Showcase was the first in NYADA history where a freshman took the competition. Rachel Berry, would you like to start us off?"

Rachel swallowed hard. Her nerves were going to be her undoing. She kept her game face on and walked to where the dean stood seconds ago. She waited for Madame Tibideaux to take her seat in the front and took a deep breath.

"My name is Rachel Berry and I am a sophomore here at NYADA. Today, I will be singing a slightly altered version of Rachel Flatt's song, _'What Hurts the Most'_"

Madame Tibideaux raised her hand before the music could begin. "Rascal Flatt's isn't what I would have expected from you. Why this song?"

Rachel looked at Jesse as panic began to set in. He gave her a reassuring nod and Rachel turned her focus back to her dean. "In light of recent events in my life I feel this best reflects what my soul as a singer wishes to share with the world."

Madame Tibideaux nodded. "As you were, Miss Berry."

Rachel sighed in relief as the music behind her began to fill the dome. The music was slower than the original. The strings played a beautiful melody along with the piano. This caught Madame Tibideaux's attention. She looked at Rachel curiously. It was apparent this version had been completely redone to make it better suited to her vocals. Rachel locked eyes with Jesse before the first vocals left her lips. She was forever grateful for what he had done with the song. 

_I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house  
That don't bother me  
I can take a few tears now and then  
And just let them out  
I'm not afraid to cry  
Every once in a while even though goin' on  
With you gone still upsets me  
There are days  
Every now and again I pretend I'm okay  
But that's not what gets me_

Rachel looked around the room and noticed everyone was locked on her, this gave her strength to keep going. She locked eyes with Kurt who had tears in his eyes, mimicking her own eyes. 

_What hurts the most  
Was being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
Never knowing  
What could have been  
And not seein' that lovin' you  
Is what I was tryin' to do_

She knew for this next part, she was going to have to take her eyes off Kurt and locked them with Jesse, which proved to be a bad idea as the memories of Finn singing 'Jesse's Girl' came to mind. She looked up to the ceiling and closed her eyes. This time, she was going to let the feeling of Finn's presence wash over her. 

_It's hard to deal with the pain  
Of losing you everywhere I go  
But I'm doin' it  
It's hard to force that smile when I  
See our old friends and I'm alone  
Still harder  
Gettin' up, gettin' dressed_  
_Livin' with this regret  
But I know if I could do it over  
I would trade, give away all the words  
That I saved in my heart  
That I left unspoken_

_What hurts the most  
Was being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
Never knowing  
What could have been  
And not seein' that lovin' you  
Is what I was tryin' to do_

She had allowed herself to be fully engulfed in the music and even though Jesse never included this in the arrangement she felt it was a good way to push her voice and let her emotions out. At this point, she didn't particularly care that tears were streaming down her face. 

_Ooohhhh  
Yeaaaahhhhh_

With a quick glance at Jesse, she could see he approved. She smiled to herself and closed her eyes again, wrapping her memories in Finn. 

_And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
Never knowing  
What could have been  
And not seein' that lovin' you  
Is what I was tryin' to do_

Rachel opened her eyes and slowed the power of her vocals down. In the corner of the room, she could see the anguish within Brody's eyes. The realization of what she was going through had finally dawned on him. 

_What hurts the most  
Was being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
Never knowing  
What could have been  
And not seein' that lovin' you_

As the final words of the song slipped from her lips, the tears had slowed a little but the pain in her voice was evident. To anyone hearing this performance, you would have felt the pain and regret she had within her. 

_Is what I was tryin' to do  
Is what I was tryin' to do_

The music died out and everyone in the room, other than Madame Tibideaux and Nikole stood to give her a standing ovation. Rachel bit back the tears and smiled in appreciation. She bowed and waited for the crowd to calm down and get Madame's feedback. 

Madame Tibideaux raised her hand to silence the class. They all settled into their seats as the woman studied Rachel.

"I was concerned regarding your choice. I felt you were selling your vocals short and not giving yourself a chance to showcase your talent," she said point blank causing Rachel to look concerned. "However, this arrangement was simply remarkable. The usage of the piano and strings were flawless and your vocals were breath taking. Then there's your heart and emotion." She took a deep breath and gave Rachel a soft look. "When I consider taking a student into NYADA I look for talent first and foremost after that I look at a performer's heart. That performance you just graced us with was full of such emotions and pain that it was enough to break my own heart. That was superb. Thank you, Miss Berry."

Rachel smiled and bowed in appreciation of the critic. She walked over to her friends and hugged Jesse tightly, whispering a thank you in his ears. Kurt and Blaine sandwiched her causing her to laugh. 

"Jesse St. James." Madame Tibideaux said motioning towards centre stage.

"Break a leg," Rachel whispered.

Jesse took a deep breath and walked to centre stage. He looked at Madame Tibideaux and gave her his best show face.

"Mr. St. James, that arrangement you did for Miss Berry was remarkable," she said simply, not looking up from her paper causing Jesse to stamper on his words. "It has your signature written all over it. One of the reasons I gave you that second audition and allowed you to transfer here was due to your talent with musical arrangement. I am fully aware of the work you have done as a silent coach of Vocal Adrenaline. It was you who did the arrangement for your 2010 regional arrangement of _Bohemian Rhapsody_ was it not?"

"Yes ma'am," he replied.

"I wanted to give you kudos for that flawless arrangement. When you came to me in Chicago to plead Miss Berry's case I wasn't aware of how well you knew her voice. You showcased it perfectly."

Rachel shot Jesse a surprised luck. He spoke Madame Tibideaux in Chicago after her performance? But why would he do that. The memory of when he promised to make all her dreams come true played in her mind. She smiled with shock running through her eyes. He could have plead his own case and instead he chose hers. Jesse really did always have her back. She could tell her was avoiding her gaze at all costs. She understood that he was probably freaking out inside, worried as to how she would take this little discovery. She would talk to him about this eventually, when the time was right.

"Thank you, Madame," Jesse said sincerely.

"What song will you be performing for us today?"

Jesse took a deep breath, "_The Show Must Go On_ by Queen."

"Challenging choice, please go ahead," she stated. 

Jesse nodded and the strings began to play the opening for the song. Jesse put on his St. James attitude and lost himself in the performance, as he had any other time he had performed. 

_Empty spaces - what are we living for  
Abandoned places - I guess we know the score  
On and on, does anybody know what we are looking for...  
Another hero, another mindless crime  
Behind the curtain, in the pantomime  
Hold the line, does anybody want to take it anymore_

He glanced at Rachel quickly and winked at her as he began to walk around the room, making his performance as intense as theatrical as always. 

_The show must go on  
The show must go on, yeah  
Inside my heart is breaking  
My make-up may be flaking  
But my smile still stays on_

_Whatever happens, I'll leave it all to chance  
Another heartache, another failed romance  
On and on, does anybody know what we are living for ?  
I guess I'm learning (I'm learning learning learning)  
I must be warmer now  
I'll soon be turning (turning turning turning)  
Round the corner now  
Outside the dawn is breaking  
But inside in the dark I'm aching to be free_

He took centre stage again and as he sang the chorus he slammed his foot into the floor as he sang 'the show must go on' yet other than that, he never once stayed still. 

_The show must go on  
The show must go on, yeah yeah  
Ooh, inside my heart is breaking  
My make-up may be flaking  
But my smile still stays on_

_Yeah yeah, whoa wo oh oh_

He darted around the room again, this time ending up beside Blaine, he leaned against his chair as he sang with intensity, despite the slightly softer turn to the music. 

_My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies  
Fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die  
I can fly - my friends_

Jesse headed centre stage once again, this time engaging the crowd as he did so. While he performed, he notice Rachel watching intensely with an amused grin on her face; he also noticed Nikole watching him as though she was undressing him with her eyes. He threw her his cocky grin that he knew made girls all sorts of crazy; he swore he saw her swoon at the action. 

_The show must go on (go on, go on, go on) yeah yeah  
The show must go on (go on, go on, go on)  
I'll face it with a grin  
I'm never giving in  
On - with the show!_

_Ooh, I'll top the bill, I'll overkill  
I have to find the will to carry on  
On with the show  
On with the show  
The show - the show must go on!_

With a power final note, the class cheered loudly. Nikole jumped to her feet like she was at a One Direction concert, which caused Madame Tibideaux to look back at her as though she was possibly insane. Rachel and the group, however, opted for a more subtle standing ovation in support of their friends 'brilliant' performance, as Rachel had noted to the pair of lovers. Even Brody, though hesitant, stood up and give him the applause he deserved. Jesse stood in typical St. James form and awaited Madame Tibideaux's feedback. He had absolutely no anxiety or worry on his face, he knew he nailed the performance, hands down.

"Well," she said with a sigh. "As an individual who has the absolute deepest respects for Freddy Mercury and the brilliance of his work, I do not say this often, or at all for that matter, however, that performance could give Freddy Mercury a run for his money. Welcome to NYADA, Mr. St. James, you have reassured me that I will not regret my decision to let you in here."

Rachel squealed and hugged Jesse as he walked over to the group. Kurt gave Jesse a hug as well in congratulations while Blaine opted for a more subtle pat on the back. The group took their seats and sat through a series of performances, none of those who could compete with the first two. Three freshman had been cut and Madame Tibideaux was losing her patience. She even lectured the freshmen saying that if they cannot adhere to NYADA standards to spare her the torture and leave now. When they were told to take a fifteen minute break, Nikole decided to take it upon herself to come over to the group.

"Hello Jesse," She said in her most seductive voice, as she bit her lip.

Rachel turned around and raised her eyebrow, "Um, can we help you?"

Nikole shot her an evil look. "Don't you have another guy to drive to a suicidal drug addiction? I am here to talk to Jesse, not you."

Kurt went to say something but Jesse put his hand on his shoulder to silence him. Rachel bit her tongue, knowing Jesse wanted the dig in this one. "Oh is that so? What makes you think I want anything to do with you?"

She laughed flirtatiously and put her hand on his chest as he sat on the back of a chair, "Because I am easily the sexiest, richest and most talented woman in this school." The group snickered. Jesse hid his amusement. "It would be an honour to be with me and I want you, Jesse St. James. Your voice is like sex and I want a taste."

"You're Nikole Mason, correct?" Jesse took her hand and peeled it off his chest as though it was diseased and stood up to lock her eyes with her. "I'm a St. James, sweetheart, my Park Avenue penthouse is worth more than your family's entire fortune and then some. As for sexiest? You have got to be kidding me. I don't like my women plastic and talented? I've heard you sing. The only reason you are in this place is because daddy probably paid your way in. I'm going to enjoy watching Madame Tibideaux throw your ass out of here."

Her jaw dropped. She huffed and stomped away from the group and over to Brody, who seemed just as turned off by her advances. The group of friends continued their conversations cheerfully. Madame Tibideaux came back into the room with a coffee in hand and took her seat at the front of the room. The class all scattered into their seats and waited quietly.

"Nikole Mason, you're up."

With a smile, Nikole made her way to the front of the class and gave everyone a megawatt, though very fake, smile, "Hello everyone, my name is Nikole Mason, and in celebration of the upcoming revival of 'Funny Girl' I will be singing 'Don't Rain on My Parade."

Rachel raised her eyebrow, Jesse laughed quietly while Blaine and Kurt bit back their amusement. Madame Tibideaux gave her a curious look and nodded slowly. The music started up and Nikole took centre stage.

_Don't tell me not to live  
Just sit and putter  
Life's candy and the sun's a ball of butter  
Don't bring around a cloud to rain on my parade  
_

"Stop! Please just stop." Madame Tibideaux called out. The music stopped. Nikole looked at the dean in shock. "What on earth was that?"

"I don't understand..."

"That was simply... Rachel, come here please." Rachel looked at Kurt then hurried to the front and stood beside Nikole. "Miss Mason, I am sure you're aware that Rachel was casted in the revival."

Nikole laughed. "As what? Tree number 3?"

Madame Tibideaux gave Nikole a look of utter annoyance. "As Fanny Brice, Miss Mason. Now, Rachel, can you please show Miss Mason how that verse is meant to sound."

Rachel nodded as the music began. She belted out the first verse and smiled when the music stopped. Nikole looked at the floor, she knew this wasn't going to end well.

"Miss Mason, are you living on campus or with your parents?"

"Campus, Madame."

"You have until Friday to be moved out of your dorm. You can apply for re-entry in November." Madame Tibideaux said simply without looking up from her paper.

"You can kick me out! I'm the best dancer in the freshman class!" She shouted as Rachel slid back to her seat following a signal from her professor.

Madame Tibideaux looked up at the student. "Your major is Musical Theatre, is it not?"

"Yes."

"And your breath work was brutal in the opening of a fast paced Broadway song and your vocals as they are, are not cut out for a lead role," she snapped back. "NYADA has a reputation to uphold. I will not tarnish that by allowing a student who isn't of our standards to remain in our school. If dancing is your strong point then please apply to our dance program of find yourself a place at Tisch or Julliard. Now please get out of this master class and out of my school. Blaine Anderson, please give me faith that some of my freshmen are worthy of being here."

The group whispered him well wishes as he walked to the front. Nikole huffed out of the room in tears and for a moment, Rachel almost felt bad for her. Almost. Jesse on the other hand, along with Kurt, were holding back laughter while whispering god knows what to one another. Rachel rolled her eyes, leaned her head against Kurt's shoulder and sighed as she watched Blaine.

"My name is Blaine Anderson. I am from Lima, Ohio and I will be performing "Hear You Me" by Jimmy Eat World."

Madame Tibideaux raised her eye brow and nodded to the musicians to begin to play. 

_There's no one in town I know.  
You gave us some place to go.  
I never said thank you for that.  
I thought I might get one more chance.  
What would you think of me now  
So lucky, So strong, So proud?  
I never said thank you for that,  
Now I'll never have a chance_

Blaine put his whole heart into his performance. Much like Jesse, he used the length of the makeshift stage as he sang. 

_May angels lead you in.  
Hear you me my friends.  
On sleepless roads,  
The sleepless go.  
May angels lead you in._

Rachel wiped her eye as her friend sang. Jesse took her free hand into his and squeezed tightly while Kurt wrapped his arm around her and held his best friend close. 

_So what would you think of me now  
So lucky, So strong, So proud?  
I never said thank you for that.  
Now I'll never have a chance._

_May angels lead you in.  
Hear you me my friends.  
On sleepless roads,  
The sleepless go.  
May angels lead you in.  
May angels lead you in.  
May angels lead you in._

The emotions in Blaine's eyes were obvious. He may have been the strong one since Finn has passed away but his feelings regarding his fallen friend were clear as day. His eyes glistened with tears yet not a single one would fall. His passion was captivating, in some way, it moved everyone present in the dome. 

_And if you were with me tonight.  
I'd sing to you just one more time.  
A song for a heart so big,  
God wouldn't let it live._

_May angels lead you in.  
Hear you me my friends.  
On sleepless roads,  
The sleepless go.  
May angels lead you in.  
May angels lead you in.  
Hear you me my friends.  
On sleepless roads,  
The sleepless go.  
May angels lead you in.  
May angels lead you in._

As the music came to an end, Rachel was holding back a sob. The song was beautifully done. Blaine was met with applause. Madame Tibideaux looked pleased.

"As I was with Miss Berry's selection, I was concerned," she started. "However that was brilliant. Your pain for your lost friend and your passion for what you were singing were simply moving. Your energy on the stage is something that few people can have. Welcome to NYADA."

"Thank you," Blaine bowed with a smile and k to his seat where Kurt's arms embraced him.

"Kurt Hummel," Madame Tibideaux's voice called out. Kurt headed to the front and smiled proudly. "What can I expect from you today?"

"I will be singing a version of Faith Hills 'There You'll Be' arranged by myself and Mr. St James. It is in memorandum of my late step brother."

Madame Tibideaux nodded with a slight smile. "Please, go ahead."

A haunting melody of strings and piano filled the dome. Rachel looked at Kurt supportively, she knew this was going to be hard on him. She also knew this song summed up both of their feelings. His eyes gave away the tears he was fighting so hard to keep in check. 

_When I think back  
On these times  
And the dreams  
We left behind  
I'll be glad 'cause  
I was blessed to get  
To have you in my life  
When I look back  
On these days  
I'll look and see your face  
You were right there for me_

His voice was full of such emotion that it got Rachel's emotions fluttering. _Finn would be so proud of everyone_, she thought to herself. Kurt looked at her and their eyes locked. The pain that no one besides the two of them never truly understood was clear as day. Kurt's voice was angelic fitting perfectly with the song of choice. She took the hands of Jesse and Blaine and squeezed them tightly; the men both leaned their heads against her and she smiled proudly at Kurt. 

_In my dreams  
I'll always see you soar  
Above the sky  
In my heart  
There will always be a place  
For you for all my life  
I'll keep a part  
Of you with me  
And everywhere I am  
There you'll be  
And everywhere I am  
There you'll be_

_Well you showed me  
How it feels  
To feel the sky  
Within my reach  
And I always  
Will remember all  
The strength you  
Gave to me  
Your love made me  
Make it through  
Oh, I owe so much to you  
You were right there for me_

The music slowed right down, just a gentle breeze of sound from the strings remained.

_'Cause I always saw in you_

My light, my strength  
And I want to thank you  
Now for all the ways  
You were right there for me  
You were right there for me  
For always

The music stopped momentarily, allowing Kurt to carry the note for a moment. 

_Everywhere I am  
There you'll be._

As the music came to a stop, the class showed their enthusiasm. Madame Tibideaux shook her head with a grin that she tried to stifle. She stood at the front of the class to say a few words.

"Normally, I do not allow applause in the round room, however, the performances I have seen today there were quite a few who deserve them. Tragedy can strike our lives at any time and to anyone. Part of the harsh reality of this business is that performances wait for no tragedy. The show must always go on. The three of you have shown that with excellence. Be proud of what you have accomplished." she stated as the applause stopped instantly. "As for your performance Mr. Hummel, that was hauntingly beautiful."

"Thank you, Madame Tibideaux." Kurt said with a teary grin and ran to Blaine and practically threw himself into his arms.

The four friends stood in a group hug. The three new students to NYADA not only survived but got good feedback from Madame Tibideaux. The friends paid homage to their friend in the way they knew best – through song. Wherever Finn was now, Rachel knew he was smiling at her with love and with pride. She also knew, that if he could, he would be blushing for all the love they had been expressing towards him over the last while; especially in this class. It was going to be a long, hard road for all of them, there was no doubting this but for the first time since Finn's death, the three of them were stronger than they had been. They were finally taking steps towards the rest of their lives. Even though their lives continue on, one thing will always be certain – Finn would be with them every step of the way; for this, Rachel could smile. 

* * *

_And there you have it. The next chapter is going to take a bit of a time jump, but nothing major. I don't want to start getting repeatitive or anything like that and lets be honest, the show jumps now and then. Let's not get stale. A special thanks to Val for helping me with every aspect of these chapters, including the song selection. I was having a bit of a difficulty with a few, including Kurt's._

_Now, I know in the first few chapters I mentioned that Jesse prepared was a Carrie Underwood song. This song WILL make an appearance at some point. Sooner than later, however, after the work was destroyed in the fire, Jesse and Rachel decided to go a different direction. This is actually a planned conversation I have lined up... you'll see what I mean as the story continues._

_Til next time!_

**Songs:**

What Hurts the Most - Rascal Flatts (original; version used was Cascada's candlelight remix)

The Show Must Go On - Queen

Hear You Me - Jimmy Eat World

There You'll Be - Faith Hill.


	8. Just Jesse

_Alright. One review. That's all chapter seven got. One review. To my wonderful reviewer, thank you. As always I appreciate your dedication to the story. Please review. It doesn't have to be positive. I listen to all comments I get. _

_Other news… there is no music whatsoever in this chapter. It's just plot building right now. Big things are happening and hopefully I don't get torched. _

_This chapter takes place mostly in November but does have a flashback to October. Enjoy!_

* * *

**Chapter 8  
Just Jesse**

It had been an exhausting few months for everyone. Rachel and Jesse were never home anymore. When they weren't in classes they were at St. James theatre preparing for the rapidly approaching opening of _"Funny Girl"_. Santana had decided that college wasn't the way to go when she got discovered by a top choreographer for Columbia records and was preparing to head to Las Angeles for a few weeks before setting off on Beyoncé's upcoming American tour. She had just finished up a music video with the artist and was anxiously awaiting the release. Kurt and Blaine were indulging in college life and planning a Wedding. Their Wedding was set for February 15th, 2014 in New York. Isabella had insisted that it be in the city and had been lending a major hand in planning it and since it was being featured on the website, the entire thing was being paid for by the company. Jesse insisted on helping cover the costs of hotels and airfare to only cover what the Hummel-Hudson's and Anderson's could not. In a shocking move, Blaine had asked Jesse to stand up for him as his best man while Kurt asked Rachel to do the same, but as his best woman. While the whole thing stung Rachel a bit, she was over joyed for her friends.

It was during a planning session in late October when an interesting conversation took place…

* * *

**Flashback.  
Offices.**

"Rachel," Isabella exclaimed excitedly as she worked with the young girl on potential dresses for the ladies of the bridal party. "I can't wait until you have a big New York Wedding!"

Rachel's blood went cold. The eyes of Kurt, Blaine, Sam and Jesse all flew onto Isabella in a dangerous manner.

"I um.." Rachel stammered. "I don't think I'll ever be getting married."

Jesse hid the flinch well but inside his heart broke a little. He tried to remind himself that she was still healing and a reaction like that was to be expected; still though, he thought that within the past three months she had warmed up to the possibility of eventually moving on. Not today or even another three months from now – but someday.

"Oh I don't know about that," Isabella said as she threw a wink in Jesse's direction. This did not go unnoticed by Kurt or Blaine. "You're still a young girl. You have plenty of time to find true love."

Rachel's voice was sad and angry. "I already had and he ended up over dosing."

Isabella rested a hand on Rachel's. "Oh hunny, Finn will always have that special place in your heart and he will always be _so so_ important to you but don't you think he would have wanted you to be an old maiden the rest of your life?"

Rachel pondered that for a moment. Kurt went to say something but was waved off by Isabella.

"Finn used to always tell me that we were end game." She said simply.

"And you were," Isabella noted, causing Rachel to look at her confused. "You were _his_ endgame. Let me tell you a story," she took a sigh and smiled and the young adults around her. "When I was barely 16, I fell helplessly in love with my neighbor's son, Andrew. Oh we fell in love the summer we met and it was wonderful. It was passionate and full of love. We got engaged on my eighteenth birthday. Married in the courthouse six months later."

The group listened inventively. Kurt had the dreamy eye look going on while Jesse had a pensive look in his eye. Almost as if he knew where this story was going.

"He went out for his nineteenth birthday with some friends to Canada," she laughed bitter sweetly and looked into Rachel's eyes with a motherly love. "They had a few too many and he drove his rental into a pole. He was dead on impact. I was widowed just a few weeks shy of my 19th."

Rachel's eyes glistened with tears. "That's so terrible."

"Mhm and you see Rachel," she said with a wise tone to her voice. "I loved Andrew very much. He was one of the great loves of my life. The years I had with him were amongst the greatest I my life. After he died, I focused on work and it took me a long time to open myself to the idea of love again."

"Shall I also remind you of my father, Rachel?" Kurt added, "Carol as well. They both lost spouses as well. Look at them now, married and probably enjoying lots of old people sex as my father so eloquently put it."

The group laughed, Jesse leaned back in his chair and crossed his legs, resting the magazine in his lap. "Kurt, man, I love your father. That's… just awesome."

Rachel gently shoved Jesse, who responded by sticking out his tongue at her. She returned the gesture.

"Well you're with Edward now," Blaine pointed out.

"Engaged, actually," Kurt corrected.

"Yes, but he isn't the only guy I have dated since Andrew's death," she noted. "It took time and I just let it find me. One day you will open yourself to love again."

"How soon after?" Rachel asked softly.

"For me it was six months, some women it's much longer." Rachel's eyes widened in shock. It had been three months since Finn passed and the thought was still unfathomable. "It was a great relationship. Lasted three years."

"What happened?" Jesse asked curiously. Everyone looked at him surprised. "What? I can't care about these girl talks just because I'm the straight one? That's..." Jesse paused, halting his dramatics. "Heterosexism! You're passing judgement because I'm a straight male! You should all be ashamed of yourselves!"

Everyone burst out laughing. For the first time in the three months since Finn died, Rachel truly laughed. Her eyes lit up and her whole body shook. It felt amazing for her. She felt truly alive and for the first time - she didn't feel guilty for enjoying something in life fully. She knew Finn would be happy, she could just imagine the smirk on his face.

The shift in behavior in Racheal did not go unnoticed by her friends. They all smiled brightly at her; especially Jesse. He had been the one at the blunt of the swings as she changed the stages of grief, often reverting back to previous stages. The worst was anger and denial. Denial often caused anxiety and those attacks were the worst. He remembered the one she had the night before when she swore she couldn't breathe. Thankfully he convinced her to take a lorazepam that the doctor gave her as needed to calm her freak outs down. Some days her face would be swollen from the crying. Her friends helped as they could but she often kept it well hidden. Or so she thought. They heard her through the walls of the bedroom. Especially when it was really bad or a nightmare woke her. Those were the nights Jesse slept on the floor or Rachel used him as a human pillow. For him to see her truly shine was remarkable.

"Oh Jesse!" Rachel exclaimed. "I swear you are trying to kill me."

He stuck his tongue out at her again. "Never. Who else would I pester at 2:00am for McFlurry runs? Kurt?"

Kurt raised his eyebrow. "You couldn't pay me enough to do it. Maybe during a heat wave. Although in afraid you may have given Blaine an idea."

Blaine laughed. "Tonight. We are there."

Kurt groaned. "I hate you, St. James. Anyway, as you were saying..."

"Oh Jessie's question," Isabella snapped back to earth. "I didn't give him the love he deserved. I cared more about my career and my own image then I did us. I swore no one would ever love me as much as he did."

Rachel gave her a sad look. "Nature of the beast, sadly,"

Jesse nodded. "It worked out though right? I mean you found Edward. Had you stayed with him you would have never found Edward."

Isabella blushed in a way that gave it all away. Rachel's eyes widened in realization.

"Unless Edward was that guy," Rachel concluded. "He found his way back to you. That's so romantic. Lost love found again! I used to dream of a love like that. I always thought Finn would be that for me. Sadly, though, things like that only happen to gays, fairy godmothers and in the movies."

Kurt choked on his coffee and Jesse hid his blush. Blaine smirked and Isabella squeezed Rachel's hand with a smile. Rachel noticed the group's reaction and raised her eyebrow in confusion.

"What?!" Rachel exclaimed, genuinely confused.

Jesse lifted the hood over his head and hid his face with his magazine. He bit back the comment he was going to make and tried to make himself invisible. The rest of the group simply shook their heads at the oblivious girl and went back to the planning at hand. Rachel, on the other hand, sat at her utterly lost. It wasn't like some guy was going to swoop in from her past and steal her heart all over again, was it?

"I like these dresses, Kurt," Jesse pointed out shifting the conversation.

* * *

**Present Time**

It was November now, nearly a month since that conversation and she still was perplex about what was going on that night. She let it go though, deciding it was better to do so then to ever decode that group. At the moment, Rachel simply wanted to focus on the task at hand. She was back in Lima, Ohio for a brief visit. The group of them flew into Lima Allen County Airport on the St. James' jet at 10:00pm and would be leaving the following evening at 11:30pm so that Rachel and Jesse could be back to New York to prepare the following day to prepare for opening night of 'Funny Girl'. Coming back with them, however, was the gang, Rachel's parent along with Coach Beastie, Will and Emma. They swore when Rachel was casted that they would be there for opening night and Jesse was ensuring they were keeping that promise.

McKinley High was hosting a memorial service for Finn as the auditorium was being renamed in his honor and as expected, they had all be asked to come back for it. They were slated to perform as well. This was something Rachel wasn't particularly looking forward too. It had taken her months to decide what she wanted to perform for it. She decided to open the memorial with a personal song of hers and Finn's. This was going to be the hardest performance she had ever done. With Artie and the old glee club's help, it was going to be a performance that will be remembered the way it deserved to be.

Kurt, Blaine and Jesse would be redoing their performances that they did for Madame Tibideaux's round room. Jesse had originally attempted to back out of performing, however, the entire Glee Club along with a personal request from Carol, had convinced him to be a part of it.

Rachel stood at centre stage of McKinley High's of the soon-to-be-Finn Hudson Civic Pavilion with her eyes closed, remembering everything that had happened where she stood. It was late, she knew no one would come looking for her at this hour; or at least she hoped. She had been unable to sleep, no matter how hard she tried. Sleeping in the same bed her and Finn had shared all those times was just too much for her. She had to escape to the place she felt the most complete in Lima.

She let a smile escape her lips. She was home.

"I thought I would find you here," Jesse said from behind Rachel, causing her to spin around in surprise. She raised her eye brow at the young man in a pair of low sweat pants and an open hoodie, revealing the very tight black wife beater that showed off every muscle in his chest and abs. She had to admit it was a pleasant sight. Jesse noticed her raised eyebrow and laughed. "Well when you get a phone call from two very worried fathers wondering where their daughter took off at one in the morning you don't think about what you are wearing."

"I would ask you how you got in but I am assuming you got a key off Will."

"Your dad Leroy, actually," Jesse stated. "Will gave him a key in case something like this happened."

"Why did they send you? Why not come themselves?"

"Maybe they knew you wouldn't talk to them about how you were feeling?" Jesse said as he sat down on the edge of the stage.

Rachel crossed her arms and stared at Jesse. "What makes them so sure I would talk to you?"

"For starters, we live together and they know I'm the one you beat up all the time," Rachel looked confused. "You don't think they check up on you? With Funny Girl I'm with you a lot. I see it all."

Rachel sat down beside him and sighed. "I don't beat you up that much."

He smiled. "Want to tell me what's going on?"

Rachel sighed. "Being in New York I can hide. I'm so busy and there's the whole out of sight out of mind thing. Here... It's not like that. Lima was where I always knew he was. And now..." Her voice cracked.

"It's real here," he finished. "There's no denying the fact that he is gone. You can't just pretend he's off doing whatever. Especially in this spot."

Rachel nodded with tears in her eyes. "This was our place you know? Our Jerusalem. I... I hid behind New York and let it keep the dream up. The realization of the whole thing is coming down on me and I don't like it. He was 19 Jesse! He shouldn't have..."

"I know," he whispered as she buried her head in his chest. "Only the good die young right?"

"He was the best," she whispered in agreement. "He's really gone. Finn is truly never coming back."

"He's alive in your heart," he said simply. "That's where he will be forever."

"Think he would be proud of me?" She sniffled

"Are you kidding me?!" Jesse exclaimed lifting her head to look at him. "He would be beyond proud. He'd hold up one of those signs you see at WWE matches. _'Rachel's #1'_ is what it would say and he would sit front row and do it." Rachel laughed. "His angel will be doing just that. It will annoy all the other angels and he won't care because it's you."

Rachel sat back up and wiped her eyes. "You have quite the imagination there St. James."

He looked at her seriously. "Who says I'm kidding? That's what Angel Finn will do. Don't you know all the angels watch Broadway openings? Someone has to write for _'Wingly Times'_ and give you a rave review."

Rachel leaned her head back and laughed. "You're something else."

He nudged her playfully. "What are friends for?"

Rachel sighed and stared into the darkness of the autotoriam. "I wouldn't exactly call you a friend, Jesse."

He looked hurt. "What do you mean?"

"You're more than just a friend," she whispered. "I'm not sure what I would label you as. You're not in the brother category and we aren't lovers... You're just Jesse." She leaned her head on his shoulder. "You don't fit in a cookie cutter label."

"League all of my own huh?" he asked masking the sheer joy his eyes gave away.

There was a moment of peaceful silence. The two of them sat on the stage together, Rachel's head on Jessie's shoulder and their hands intertwined.

"I wish you were gay."

Jesse burst out laughing. "What on earth are you talking about?"

"You would make the perfect gay boyfriend."

Jesse laughed again and kissed Rachel's head. "You're adorable."

"I am serious," Rachel pouted. "They are the best for cuddling, watching girlie movies or musicals with or even shopping with."

"Don't we do all that now?" He asked with a laugh

"Yes but... I don't know." She sighed lifting her head up. "I'm worried that one day you're going to want more than I can give. If I can't I don't want to ruin what we have."

He sighed. "Rach, you know I love you. I have since I first saw you at your first sectionals. All I want is for you to be happy. That's what matters to me. If this right here is all we ever are then so be it. I will never push you for anything more than what we are right now."

Rachel leaned up and kissed his cheek. "Thank you."

He nodded at her with a smile. She caught the hint of pain in his eyes and hated herself for it. A twinge of regret hit her as she began to wonder if she was being selfish. Was she using him? Treating him like a boyfriend for the comfort but never giving him anything more? She shook that idea out of her head. She would never do that to anyone. Would she? It's not like she felt nothing for Jesse. Of course she did. But what was she willing to give of herself right now? What could she give?

Rachel wouldn't admit it but losing Finn the way she did affected her in a way she couldn't explain. She could never figure out why he never came to her. They had become so close. Why didn't he tell her what was going on? Why didn't anyone let her know? She was convinced they blamed her for it all. What other reason would they have for keeping her out in the dark?

"I am assuming my dad's wanted you to make sure I got home safety?"

"Yeah, I think that was one of their requests."

Rachel nodded and jumped off the stage. "I better get home then. Walk me out?"

Jesse studied her for a second. He knew something was up. "You alright?"

"I'm tired, Jesse," she snapped. "Either you can walk me out or stay here and ask me questions."

Jesse ran his hand through his hair. "Seriously Rachel, what gives? Don't feed me this your tired bullshit either because I know that's not it."

"It doesn't matter, alright?! Good night, Jesse." Rachel snapped as she stormed out of the auditorium leaving Jesse perplexed.

With a half scream of frustration, Jesse followed the young woman out of the school and into the deserted parking lot. As Rachel approached opened the door to her car, Jesse leaned forward and closed it. Rachel spun around and gave him a death stare. Jesse was in full St. James mode; cocky grin and all. Rachel had to admit that there was something about that look to him that was irresistible.

"I want to go home," Rachel sneered. "I told you I was tired and I just need..."

"Need what?" Jesse taunted. "Need to bottle up even more so you can randomly explode on me? You seem to really like that lately."

Rachel went to slap him but predicting her reaction he grabbed her hand. He pulled her close to him and kissed her forehead. This irritated her even more. She pushed him away and made a b-line for her door again. Jesse, this time, stood in front of her and leaned against the car. He folded his arms across his chest and gave her a smug look.

"For the love of everything holy, St. Jackass, move!" Tears were on the verge of spilling over, Jesse knew he was almost there. "Fuck you. I'm walking home!"

"In four inch heels?" Jesse said in a mocking tone laced with laughter as Rachel headed down the parking lot. "Please be my guest. Should be entertaining to watch."

Rachel's shoulders began to quiver as tears poured from her eyes. She turned around and looked at Jesse with pleading eyes. "You want to know what's wrong? Finn... He always told me everything. For three years I was the go to person for everything. Sophomore year, before you came back for prom, we broke up and he came to me about problems with Quinn more times than I wanted to admit. I helped him. There was never anything I couldn't or wouldn't help him with."

Jesse kept his show face on as Rachel's mood shifted from upset to angry.

"God, even after I ended it, when he needed me I was there and then it slowly stopped. Knowing I was with Brody hurt him. A lot. But we were doing well again. We were talking. Sharing problems and dreams and you know what? He decided to leave out the fact that he had a drug addiction out of conversation. Carol knew about it, fuck, Will knew about it and no one told me. My father's even knew but nothing. I could have helped him. I should have known. The signs were all there but I ignored them.."

Jessie's face softened. "There's no way you could have known. They didn't tell you for a reason, whatever that may be."

"Him," her voice cracked. "He promised them he would get help as long as no one told me. He couldn't bare me knowing about it."

"Because you would blame yourself and try to leave New York to make him better," Jesse concluded. "He knew you were on the verge of getting your first big break. He didn't want to be the reason you lost that chance. He wouldn't have been able to live with himself."

"We'll apparently he couldn't live with himself," Rachel snapped. "He's dead. He knew what was going to happen if he kept it going."

Jesse shook his head. "Addiction doesn't work like that. He didn't want to die, Rachel, he just wanted to kill the pain of width drawl. He loved you. Never doubt that."

Rachel hit the side of Jesse's SUV. "Take me home, please,"

Jesse nodded and motioned to her to get into his vehicle. The drive was silent. He knew she needed her space to sort out the feelings he forced out of her. He had been doing that a lot. He vaguely remembered his grandmother being the same way when his grandfather passed. They would bottle in everything until someone pushed them to snap. He hated doing it but knew it had to be.

When they arrived at the Berry household it was 2:30am and the lights in the living room were on. Rachel was asleep. He smiled and quietly got out of the vehicle and walked over to her side. He scooped her up and carried her towards the house. The door was opened by LeRoy who ushered the boy inside. He mumbled his thanks to the boy and led him to Rachel's bedroom. LeRoy said his thanks and good nights and slipped into his bedroom.

Jesse laid Rachel on the bed and gently removed her heels. He tucked her into the blankets, leaned over to kiss her forehead when she stirred. She looked at him and nearly gasped. It had been raining so Jesse was wet. His hair, although shorter, was still curly. A single curl dangled on his forehead. His sweater was off, she assumed in the car. The shirt displayed his toned, sculpted arms and the definition of his torso. She was glad he didn't get the abs though, this look she loved. The producers wanted him to look a little manlier so this was the result. Rachel remembered how she got over her breakup with Finn and that maybe it was what she needed.

She grabbed Jesse's hand and pulled him onto the bed. She wrapped her arms around him as she did every night. This time, however, she cupped Jesse's face and dove into a passionate kiss. Jesse was surprised for a moment then greedily responded. He lowered her gently to the bed and lined kisses along her jaw as her hands began to claw at his shirt. She nipped at his neck, causing him to moan quietly. Jesse made a mental note of how much more experience the woman had since the last time they were in this position; and he wasn't complaining.

The sound of the low, guttural sound sent Rachel over board. She needed this man now. She rolled him over, and straddled him, never breaking the intense battle for dominance in their kiss as she expertly grinded herself into his most sensitive spots. She knew he slept without boxers on. Rachel knew there was nothing but the thin sweatpants and her jeans between them. He bit down on her tongue as a deeper moan escapes him. Rachel began to line his jaw and neck with light kisses and determined nibbles. His hands slid under her shirt, causing Rachel to shiver with desire.

"I need you Jesse," she moaned. "Make love to me. Take away this pain away and make love to me."

With those words, Jesse froze. He cursed himself internally and rolled away from Rachel, laying her gently on the bed. He sat up on the edge of her bed and buried his head in his hands. He cursed himself for being so stupid. He should have known that she didn't want to be with him fully. This wasn't going to lead to his happy ending or anything of that sort. This would have simply been sex. He couldn't hold his show face up for this. It was the one weakness he had in his life. She was his one weakness. He heard the whimper beside him and it took him everything not to throw himself at her and yell use me.

"You don't want me?" She whispered through tears.

He sighed in frustration but he refused to look up at her. Jesse refused to let her see the tears in his eyes. "That's the thing, Rach. I want you more than anything. I have wanted you for a very long time..."

Rachel looked exasperated. "Then why..."

He stood up and paced for a minute, running his hands through his hair in frustration. "Not like this. I want you to want to be with me..."

Rachel stood up and grabbed his hand in desperation. "But I do want you..."

"I want you to want to be with me because you love me," he snapped as he faced her. Rachel flinched and dropped his hand when she seen Jesse. For the first time since she met him he looked absolutely vulnerable and hurt. This made the Run Joey Run fiscal look like child's play in comparison. "I don't want you to be with me so you can suffocate the pain of Finn's death. You can beat me, you can tear me down, hell you can destroy me any way you need to if it makes you smile because I love you so much."

"Jesse..."

"But I will not let you do this," his voice cracked. "If it makes me weak then whatever. Five years ago I wouldn't have cared. I would have fucked you all night long if you wanted. But this wouldn't be just fucking. I'd be giving you a part of me that I have never given anyone and it would mean nothing. I can't do that to myself. I'm sorry."

Jesse made his way to the door. Rachel went to stop him but he pulled away. "I've got to go, Rachel. I'll see you at the memorial."

With that, he was gone. He closed his eyes and leaned against the closed bedroom door. He heard Rachel fall apart on the other end and it took every ounce of strength he had not to run back in. Tears fell from his eyes and he tried to pull himself together to no avail. LeRoy and Hiram watched the boy from their bedroom door with glum faces. They understood where he was coming from and respected him for it. Rachel would have come to regret it and resent Jesse for it, they all knew that. Jesse finally mustered enough strength to walk away from the door and make his way towards his car.

Once inside, he dug into his glove compartment and pulled out the bottle of JD he kept there from his Vocal Adrenaline days. He opened it and took a hard swig of it. He put the lid back on and tossed it into the compartment again. He leaned his head against the steering will and took a deep breath. He had to meet his team at ten for brunch and a rehearsal at McKinley before the show that night. He might as well get some rest. Jesse turned the car on and pulled out of the driveway. As he drove towards the only decent hotel in Lima, he prompted Siri to text Rachel and revoke her invitation to the VA brunch in the morning. He knew he wouldn't get through what was needed with her there. At least not right now.

He needed to get through the next day somehow and hopefully he still had a friendship once the smoke cleared.

* * *

_Aaaannnnddd that's it. Please don't torch me. I could have both Finchel and St. Berry fans attacking me here lol. I wanted to make it realistic and I've been in this position myself in the past. It does happen. Grief and sex sometimes go hand in hand. Rachel isn't using Jesse so my precious St. Berry fans don't worry. She's confused and conflicted with everything. I've tried to show that as much as I can and I will be showing that more and more. _

_The next chapter is a confrontation between Jesse and Rachel after Rachel gets some soundly advice from someone who knows Jesse well. The memorial service and much more takes place so until then…_

_Review!_


	9. See You Again

_Wow. That is the only word that comes to mind at this moment. You guys are beyond incredible. I was feeling kinda blah after I posted Chapter 7 and only got one review... but last chapter I got an amazing TEN reviews. TEN. You guys are the most amazing fans I could have ever asked for. I will be sending out responses, however, I wanted to get this chapter out first._

On that note, I apologize for the length of time it took to get it out. Life got the best of me. But it's here now! So hopefully you guys forgive me :)

Anyone see the promo for 'The Quarterback ? I didn't make it through the promo without crying like a baby. I had doubts about Lea's song, however, she sounds incredible in it... and the part where Will is holding her when she cries? OMG. My heart breaks for her. She's such a strong girl. Those tears were definitely not the result of brilliant acting - those are real. I know that Thursday's episode will be heartbreaking for us all as we say goodbye to Finn and Cory. Lets not focus on how he died and focus on the wonderful man he was? I think that's best.

_To clarify some things... Rachel is not moving on quite yet. What happened last chapter was her trying to feel something other then pain. I have been in her shoes and it's a miserable place to be. Sometimes you just want to feel something else, even if its temporary. This issue will be touched on next chapter. I wanted to keep this focused on the Memorial._

_Without further ado... on with the show._

_I owe nothing but the story. Songs are credited at the bottom._

* * *

**Chapter 9  
See You Again**

The sun poured into her room with a vengeance. Rachel groaned in protest. She had been up a good chunk of the night crying. She felt like such a fool. She can't believe she tried using Jesse to smother her grief. He deserved so much more than that. There was part of her that truly wanted it... wanted him. There was something that came alive in her when she kissed him. It was intense and left a residual effect. She craved his touch and those lips. She groaned and shook her head, trying to push the thought out of her mind.

Rachel threw the blankets off her and made her way into the bathroom to get ready for the day. Her phone sat on the sink. She sighed and went to send Jesse a message of apology when she noticed the text he sent her after the ordeal. He uninvited her to the vocal adrenaline brunch. She screamed in frustration and threw her phone. Had he just listened to her than the two of them would be ok right now. Rachel took a deep breath and tried to collect her thoughts. With her and Jesse at wits with one another, it meant she was going to be on her own for this one.

A thought dawned on her. Perhaps that was the point. Everything happens for a reason, right? Since Finn had passed away, Rachel had been depending on everyone else to get her through but when did she ever truly stand on her own two feet? Today would be an extremely difficult day and it was a day she would get through on her own.

* * *

Rehearsals were in full effect when Rachel arrived. Today, she was wearing a pair of skinny jeans, heels and Finn's football jersey; with her hair pulled back. When she walked in, she was practically tackled by random members of the Glee club of past and present. She offered them each a hug, a kiss and exchanged kind words with them. So far – her day was going as she intended to go, she overseen everything that was going into the event and discussed finals plans with Artie for their presentation. Rachel would be singing two 'Finchel' songs as the club referred to them as, which she would open the memorial service with and a solo performance of an unknown song, which she would close with. Around four that afternoon, the stage was finally complete. When Mr. Shue brought Rachel into the auditorium to see the design she burst into silent tears. In the back was a massive reconstruction of Finn's helmet with a giant jersey as the backdrop along with the various trophies he had been a part of winning throughout his career at McKinley high.

"This is beautiful," Rachel choked out and turned to Will and wrapped him in a hug, "You have out done yourself, I mean it."

Will nodded, holding back tears of his own. He missed the young man a lot. The Glee Club and the whole of McKinley hadn't been the same since Finn passed away. His absence had played a huge effect on everyone. The newest members of the Glee club, being led by the new members of last years, more so Marley and Jake, dedicated their performance and ultimately win at Sectionals the week before to Finn. They opted to wear black with red bands around their left arm with Finn's name on it. He may have been gone but he was not being forgotten.

Rachel walked away from Will and stood in front of the stage, staring at it in awe. She was so deeply lost in thought that she didn't notice Vocal Adrenaline walk in with Jesse and a curvy brunette on his flank. The woman didn't go unnoticed by the other members of the New York gang. Whispering among them wondered if perhaps she was a secret mistress or something of that sort, Santana simply shrugged it off and pegged her as the unknown sister. Kurt seemed to find this hard to believe since Jesse had stellar fashion sense while this woman looked like she crawled out of a Hot Topic, tattoos and all.

"Jesse!" Santana called out, knocking Rachel out of her trance.

Rachel and Jesse stared at each other for a moment and the tension had been so thick that you could have cut it with a knife. This, as usual, did not go unnoticed by Santana or the others. Rachel nodded in his direction and made her way towards the back of the stage where everyone else seemed to be gathering for some sort of meeting. Jesse simply watched Rachel with a hint of hurt in his eyes and turned his attention to Santana. His show choir disappeared into the back while the woman stayed at his side.

"Thank you, for this," Santana said, giving Jesse a hug. "I know Vocal Adrenaline and the New Directions have never truly seen eye to eye in the past but to put their differences aside and come together for something like this, it means a lot."

"Well, as much as I do not like to admit it, Finn Hudson put his mark into the Show Choir world," the woman said, "We see him as a fallen brother and we intend to honor him as such. Plus," she nudged Jesse playfully with a smile, "we know how much it means to Rachel and in turn to Jesse over here."

Santana raised her eyebrow at the young woman, "I'm sorry, I don't believe we have met. I'm Santana Lopez and you are…?"

She accepted Santana's extended hand and returned the smile. Santana noticed the tattoo on her forearm which read '_perfect disaster… ever after_' in cursive writing. "I'm Ashleigh. Ashleigh St. James. I'm Jesse's younger sister and assistant-coach of Vocal Adrenaline."

"I love your tattoo," Santana noted.

Ashleigh smiled and wrapped her arm around Jesse's torso. "It's my newest one. Jesse wrote this beautiful song called Ever After not too long ago. It's very… theatrical, which really comes as no surprise considering this is Jesse after all," Jesse shook his head and Santana could tell he was slightly annoyed at his sister. "I loved the one lyric and decided to get it permanently inked on me."

"It's lovely," Santana motioned her head towards back stage and looked at Jesse. "What's going on with the two of you?"

"Nothing," Jesse said sternly, falling into St. Jackass mode. "Ashleigh, let's go. We have things to do before the show. I'd rather they not fuck this one up like they almost fucked up sectionals."

Ashleigh's jaw dropped. "They did not almost fuck up sectionals, Jesse. They won with flying colours, I have no idea what you're going on about."

Jesse was centre stage when he stopped dead in his tracks, turned around and shouted at his sister. "Ashleigh St. James, get your ass backstage, NOW."

The entire auditorium went silent and everyone turned their attention to Vocal Adrenaline's assistant coach who stomped backstage. Rachel peered from the side of the stage with a look of bewilderment on her face. Ashleigh simply saluted her brother mockingly and gave her apologies towards Santana before heading back stage to her heated brother.

"What was that all about?" Will asked as the New York gang, minus Rachel, met in front of the stage.

"I think him and Rachel got into an argument over something," Santana stated. "His sister had no idea what was going on. Yes lady Hummel I said sister. That's fifty bucks please."

"I couldn't imagine working with him like that," Will laughed.

"Try living with him," Kurt mused and led the group towards the rest of the McKinley group. "They better work things out before we get home."

"Or else Diva central." Blaine laughed.

"Sexual tension," Santana said watching the two occasionally exchange looks. The group stared at her. "Don't believe me if you don't want but I know it when I see it. We all ready for tonight?"

Rachel looked up from the floor and nodded with a smile. "As ready as we will ever be. I'm freaking out over the opening."

"Well," Puck said from behind them. "If what I hear you're doing is true it no surprise."

The group all shouted happily and ran towards puck. Rachel was the first with her arms around him. She looked at him and admired his uniform.

"Looking sharp, soldier." Said Sam, giving Puck a bro hug.

"Thanks man," Puck replied

"What are you doing here?" Mercedes quipped hugging him.

"They gave me the weekend. I have to report back Sunday at 23:00."

"I can't believe your here," Rachel cried. "The whole gang is here!" Her face went pale and for a moment so thought she may pass out. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes and counted to three. When she opened her eyes it didn't seem like anyone noticed leading her to sigh in relief. "Well, almost."

"He's here," Puck stated putting his arm around Rachel. "He's watching over us."

Rachel nodded. There was a conversation she needed to have and she thought that now would be as good of a time as ever. She looked at Puck with a knowing look on her face.

"Can we talk?"

Will noticed the two and walked over to them, resting his hand on Rachel's back. "Go talk in my office. Gives you two some privacy."

They nodded and walked towards the office in silence. Once in the room, Rachel began pacing while puck focused on a photo of Finn and Will from Nationals just a few months before.

"So, how's army life?" Rachel asked after breaking the five minute long silence.

"We both know that's not why we are in here, Rach," Puck said simply. "I haven't talked about that day with anyone. Not since the cops finished getting statements."

Rachel laughed nervously. "We don't have..."

Puck gently laid his hands on her shoulders and looked her in the eyes. "We do. You need the closure just as much as I do."

Rachel nodded slowly and sat in Finn's old chair. She swore she could still smell him. Puck on the other hand paced around the office.

"The night before we had a party at the house, nothing big. He seemed alright. You could tell he was tripping a bit but he didn't touch anything that night. I helped him clean up and we agreed to meet up to shoot some hoops." Puck sighed heavily. Rachel could tell the impact this must have had on him. "We were supposed to meet at noon and by one, when h don't show up I decided to come and as what was keeping him. I figured that maybe he overslept or something. I get to the house and use the key under the mat to get in. As soon as I walked in, I knew something was wrong. The whole vibe of the house felt off. I ran upstairs to his room and threw the door open..."

Puck froze. He went on to tell Rachel what happened with tears bound and bent on making an appearance. Rachel sat with her arms around her body, soft tears flowing from her eyes. When Puck finished he fell apart. Rachel wrapped her arms around him and held him until his body stopped shaking. It seemed as though hours had passed before the two friends parted. They embraced in a proper hug and Puck kissed the top of the girls head.

"Congrats by the way," Puck whispered into her hair. "I hear your big opening is in two nights."

Rachel smiled into his shirt. "Yeah it is. I can't believe its happening. Or that they let me take off like this. I suppose all the extra work has been paying off."

Puck pulled away from the girl and sat on one of the chairs while she followed suit. "I guess living with your co-star doesn't hurt. You two probably practice all night."

Rachel laughed and shook her head. "No but we do a lot."

Puck noticed the change in demeanor and instantly knew something was wrong. "What happened with you and Jesse St. Jackass?"

Rachel smirked at Puck's use of Fin's nickname for Jesse. "He's been a great friend to me and the others. I was upset over some stuff and tried to get him to sleep with me. I just wanted to forget and lose myself in him."

Puck rolled his eyes. "This is St. James, the guy is a Carmel legend for being a wrecker of virgins and quite the ladies' man. He turned you down and by the gist of it was dramatic about it?"

Rachel shrugged. "According to his house keeper slash former nanny he hasn't touched a woman since we dated."

"You're the Hot Jewish American Princess, of course you trapped him for life," he said with a smile. "Let me guess he feels used? Talk to him. Explain your feelings and if that doesn't help, sing. You two always did that."

An exasperated sigh came from Rachel. Her eyes caught the time and widened. The show began in 20 minutes and she was a disaster. The friends scurried around and did the last minute preparations they needed. Rachel rushed to the girl's washroom and fixed her make up. Thankfully the water proof eyeliner and mascara were holding up well. She ran into the auditorium where New Directions and Vocal Adrenaline were doing their show circles. She caught a glimpse of the crowd and noticed a few local show choirs including the Warblers present. A sense of pride flowed through her. Finn really had impacted a lot of people.

As Will walked out onto the stage to give his introduction, Rachel stood in front of the closed curtain shaking. Behind her was a large screen. Her nerves were shot and she was absolutely terrified. She could feel Jesse's eyes boring into her but she refused to look over for fear of what it would do.

"I would like to welcome you all to a very special event. Tonight, we honor a fallen student who changed the very face of McKinley high and its Glee club. We honor a man who loved everyone he met and was a natural born leader with a heart of pure gold," Will Shuster said from the corner of the stage, in front of the closed curtain. "Finn always had a smile on his face. He was fun loving and loved life. He was a brother, a son, a lover and a friend. He was my best friend and as honored as I am to be here with you all tonight to honor such an incredible soul, I would be lying if I said I wished I didn't need to be here as I'm sure many of you feel as well."

Will walked to the centre stage and took a deep breath. "When our new principal made it clear that she despised the name of the auditorium, I suggested we change the name to the Finn Hudson Civic Pavilion. I think for the first time, Sue Sylvester and I didn't argue. Hence why we are here tonight. Tonight, we celebrate his talent and his life."

Will waited for the applause to die down before he continued. "To open tonight's show is a woman who was very dear to Finn's heart. The love of his life. Many times we sat in the Glee club office and he would have such a vivid smile on his face as he spoke about the plans he had for their life together and how proud he was of her to be making all her Broadway dreams come true. Only music brought the same sparkle to his eyes that this young woman could. It is such an honor to welcome her here tonight. Ladies and gentlemen, singing a song that put Finn on the show choir map and a song that not only expressed the true inner workings of his heart but caused quite the stir at nationals in New York City, I give to you Miss Rachel Berry."

Rachel stood behind the curtain holding back tears as Will spoke. It took every ounce of her strength not to fall apart over his words. She knew she had to keep it together. Finn deserved this. As he announced her name she looked to the ceiling and whispered an 'I love you' to Finn and let the music fill her.

The opening lines to _"Pretending"_ filled the auditorium as a video of her and Finn from Nationals in New York played behind her. Thanks to Artie's hard work and vision, as Rachel sang, the parts where Finn had sung during the competition could be heard clearly. The video also played various scenes from competitions they had performed at.

Rachel stood at the corner of the screen and watched the video as she sang. When she first heard his voice on the speakers, her heart soared and she truly felt him with her. This was where her strength was going to come from. 

Rachel & Finn from video:  
_Face to face and heart to heart  
We're so close yet so far apart  
I close my eyes I look away  
That's just because I'm not OK_

Rachel:  
_But I hold on_

Rachel with Finn from video:  
_I stay strong  
Wondering if we still belong_

Rachel smiled as the moment from the school performance of push-it came up on screen. She hurried across the stage and stood in the other top corner. She noticed Jesse and Will standing against the wall watching her proudly.

Finn from video and Rachel:  
_Will we ever say the words we're feeling?  
Reach down underneath and tear down all the walls  
Will we ever have a happy ending?  
Or will we forever only be pretending?_

_Keeping secrets safe  
Every move we make  
Seems like no one's letting go  
And it's such a shame  
'Cause if you feel the same  
How am I supposed to know?_

From the aisles walked down the Glee clubs that Finn had been a part of to join in with Rachel and the recording of their fallen star.

Finn from video and Rachel with New Directions:  
_Will we ever say the words we're feeling? (Rachel: Oh, oh!)  
Reach down underneath and tear down all the walls (Rachel: Tear down all the walls)  
Will we ever have a happy ending?  
Or will we forever only be pretending?_

Finn from video and Rachel:  
_Pretending?_

The video played the iconic kiss and Rachel closed her eyes and looked down at the stage. In that moment, she could feel his lips against her own and almost taste them. The crowd stood up and cheered. Rachel's eyes caught Carol's from the front row. She was smiling brightly as tears fell from her eyes. Rachel smiled lightly and waited for the music to start up again. Despite how well she survived the song Finn had written about her, she didn't think she could survive the song that was theirs. This was the song that defined them as a couple. The song would have been their wedding song, had they made it that far. This time, however, she wouldn't be singing it with him. This time she was on her own. That made the whole situation realer than it had been before. The screen rose as an all too familiar melody filled the space. Rachel closed her eyes and began to sing a verse that was never intended for her.

Rachel:  
_Highway run  
Into the midnight sun  
Wheels go round and round  
You're on my mind  
Restless hearts  
Sleep alone tonight  
Sending all my love  
Along the wire  
And they say that the road  
Ain't no place to start a family  
Right down the line it's been you and me  
And loving a music man  
Ain't always what it's supposed to be  
Oh boy, you stand by me  
I'm forever yours.._

Rachel closed her eyes and the music played for a moment without her. Tears fell from her face that she couldn't contain. Sensing her heart break, the crowd, including the members of New Directions who still stood in front of the stage began to clap for her. She looked up and smiled in appreciation. She raised her mic to her lips and sang out the line she struggled with.

_I'm forever yours...  
Faithfully._

The crowd's cheers grew for a moment with the music as her friends and team mates joined in with her. Rachel was sobbing but she knew she had to do this for Finn. She had to sing for him, wherever he was.

Rachel with New Directions:  
Oh oh oh oh  
Oh oh oh oh oh  
Oh oh oh oh oh oh...!  
Oh oh oh oh (Rachel: Faithfully)  
Oh oh oh oh oh (Rachel: I'm still yours)  
oh oh oh oh oh oh  
Oh oh oh oh oh

Rachel with New Directions:  
Oh oh oh oh oh oh

Rachel:  
_I'm still yours!_

New Directions:  
_Oh oh oh oh,_  
_Oh oh oh oh oh_

Rachel with New Directions:  
_Oh oh oh oh oh oh!_

New Directions:  
_Oh oh oh oh_  
_Oh oh oh oh oh_  
_Oh oh oh oh oh oh_

Rachel:  
_I'm still yours!_

The music stopped and Rachel's voice cracked as she sang the final word.

_Faithfully..._

Rachel's microphone fell and the entire audience was on their feet in an explosive applause. Kurt broke from his spot with the Glee club members and threw his arms around her along with Puck. They whispered words of praise as they stood there with the sobbing girl. The two stood at her side as she took her bow. She walked off stage and collapsed on the sofa they stored back there. Her friends surrounded her and she allowed it. She had proven her strength to herself.

Blaine's performance of Jimmy Eat World's _"Hear You Me"_ followed Rachel's then it was time for Vocal Adrenaline to take centre stage with Jesse for their performance of _'the show must go on'_. Rachel had been feeling well enough to stand at the side of the stage with Kurt and watch it. The entire vocal adrenaline team were dressed in black jeans, red tank tops or wife beaters and replica varsity jackets. On each of the jackets was a large number 5 on the left arm in black. When their performance wrapped up, Rachel walked out across centre stage and hugged Jesse, whispering thank you in his ear. She knew they wouldn't talk back stage or say much of anything until they could be alone but the appreciation was clear.

Numerous performances followed for the next little bit. When it was time for Will to take the stage again, the groups all found seats or places to stand along the walls. Will and Artie, using the hidden cameras and microphones Sue had hidden in the choir room, put together a video of some of Finn's best moments. It was light hearted and had some of his funniest times. It also had snippets of glee club members, family and faculty discussing favorite moments followed by clips when they could be. Focused on clips of him singing songs from the various assignments including a focus on one particular moment. Will's face came on the screen while in mid laugh.

"We had an assignment and I asked everyone to do a song that really exposed their soul. I will never forget Finn's choice," Rachel's eyes widened as she buried her head in her hands, slightly embarrassed. She knew what was going to come from Jesse for this. It didn't help that he was standing beside her against the wall. "Rachel at the time had been dating Jesse St. James of vocal adrenaline and Finn made it clear what he wanted. His confidence during his performance was just... It was the true personality of Finn Hudson that people adored.

The full duration of Finn's performance of _"Jesse's Girl"_ played. It turned out that Sue had quite a few cameras around the room. The angles they used in the video showed his confidence and that smirk. Rachel heard Jesse's laugh echo behind her.

"He seriously did this song?" Jesse laughed and leaned forward to whisper in her ear. "I got to admit that performance was well done. Even for him. Is that how he won you over?"

Rachel shook her head and laughed at the cat calls coming from various audience members. Following the performance, was Kurt.

"There's two things that really stand out. One was the time he dressed up in a red shower curtain like Lady Gaga to stick up for me against some of McKinley's finest," a picture of Finn and Kurt in their gaga outfits appeared on the screen followed by a loud response from the crowd. "He looked absolutely ridiculous however it is something that stays with me. The other... My father was in the hospital following a heart attack... He sang _'Losing My Religion'_ to me. It meant a lot to me. I don't think I ever truly showed my appreciation for what that song meant to me at that time. I don't think I really had too. He seemed to just understand. That's what made Finn so amazing. He just knew, even when words couldn't express enough or anything at all."

Santana followed the clip of Finn's performance of "_losing my religion"_.

"When I was corned into coming out, he sat me down despite the fact I was a co-leader of the schools rival glee club and sang this remarkable version of 'girls want to have fun.." A minute long clip played. "Thinking about it... Brings tears to my eyes. He meant more to me than I think he ever understood. His loss is felt. I will always miss him dearly."

Rachel followed with teary eyes. "Being his on-off girlfriend and co-leader lead us to spending a lot of time together over the three years we were in that club. I think if I had to really go back to a time I remember fondly was at the very beginning."

Rachel smiled. "Mr. Shue was getting ready to leave and become an accountant when Finn truly stood up as a leader. He saved Artie from the football players and brought him to the practice we had been having. He convince the team to give him another chance and arranged the whole thing for our first real performance. It was _Don't Stop Believing_. That will always stick out for me."

Rachel grinned at the video proudly. She knew there was no video for it but it was still an iconic moment for the group. As the video continued, tears were shed and laughter echoed throughout the auditorium. The presentation put together by Artie was simply remarkable. This was how she always wanted Finn to be remembered.

Following the presentation, Santana took to the stage to perform a rendition of "_Girls just want to have fun"_ and _"Why"_ by Rascal Flatts with Puck. Puck was joined on stage by Blaine, Sam and Jesse for a song. The song was a modified version of _"I Want You to Live"_ by George Canyon. The boys each sat on a stool which were lined up in the centre of the stage.

Blaine:

_When she got the news_

_The phone hit the floor  
She fell to her knees and cried his name  
He had just kissed her lips  
And all of their friends  
Their lives will never be the same  
At the end of her hardest day  
The only words she could say were_

Puck:  
_I want you to live, I want you to love  
I wanna go back to the way it was  
To hear you say my name again  
I wanna see your smile again  
I want you to live_

Sam:  
_Takes all of her strength to go through his things  
It feels like she's holdin' him again  
The letters he wrote; the books that he'd read  
and some of the shirts still have his scent  
The picture in Chicago  
she holds to her heart and cries out loud_

Sam, Jesse, Blaine & Puck:  
_I want you to live, I want you to love  
I wanna go back to the way it was  
To hear you say my name again  
I wanna see your smile again_

Jesse:  
_Lying awake in the middle of the night  
Trying not to let the others hear her cry  
She prays for answer or some little sign  
She closes her eyes  
and swears she hears him say  
I want you to live, I want you to love  
I want you to go on and not give up_

Sam, Jesse, Blaine & Puck:  
_I want you to live, I want you to try  
I want you to know that I'm alright  
I want you to fall in love again  
I wanna see you smile again and again_

Puck:  
_I want you to live_

The night was coming to a close. It was almost time for her to take the stage in a performance that would be extremely difficult for Rachel. She originally intended for this to be an easy selection, if not predictable, until she heard the Adele cover for the song while playing Jesse's iPod one day while doing homework.

Once again, Rachel found herself at centre stage behind the curtain. This time she wore his jacket. The smell of him still lingered. On her right hand she wore her ring and around her neck was her Finn necklace. These two songs were ones that meant a lot to Rachel. She was beyond glad, however, that the original members of the Glee club agreed last minute to perform the last song with her.

She just had to make it through this song first. She watched as Jesse made his way to the piano that was just pushed out onto the stage. Rachel looked over and him and smiled with a thankful nod towards him. He gave her a weak smile and returned the nod. They stayed in silence as they waited for their que. Once Kurt announced Rachel, the beautiful and gentle melody from the piano filled the space. The curtains opened and Rachel stood perfectly still.

_When the rain is blowing in your face  
And the whole world is on your case  
I could offer you a warm embrace  
To make you feel my love  
When the evening shadows and the stars appear  
And there is no one there to dry your tears  
I could hold you for a million years  
To make you feel my love_

Rachel took a deep breath and looked out at the crowd. Her eyes met Carol's and her heart broke all over again. To mourn the loss of a child was something Rachel prayed she never had to endure. Through all this, Carol was her role model in terms of strength. To lose a husband, help your second one through numerous health scares and lose your child was enough to do anyone in yet Carol kept going. Rachel admired that more than she could ever comprehend.

_I know you haven't made your mind up yet  
But I would never do you wrong  
I've known it from the moment that we met  
No doubt in my mind where you belong  
I'd go hungry, I'd go black and blue  
And I'd go crawling down the avenue  
No, there's nothing that I wouldn't do  
To make you feel my love  
The storms are raging on the rolling sea  
And on the highway of regret  
The winds of change are blowing wild and free  
You ain't seen nothing like me yet_

Rachel's voice turned into almost a whisper as the heart break became evident in her voice. She leaned on the microphone for support as she sang the last parts of the song.

_I could make you happy, make your dreams come true  
Nothing that I wouldn't do  
Go to the ends of the Earth for you  
To make you feel my love  
To make you feel my love_

The music came to an end and the audience stood to applaud. Rachel bowed slightly before smiling. A stage hand ran out on stage and took the microphone. Rachel stood at centre stage and waited for the members of the original new directions to fill the stage.

A gentle yet slightly upbeat sound filled the auditorium and Rachel took her place at the front of the group. Rachel smiled and held hands with Kurt; leaning on him momentarily.

New Directions:  
_Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh [2x]  
_

Rachel walked to the centre of the stage with a smile on her face, focusing on the positive memories her and Finn created over the years.

Rachel:  
_Said goodbye, turned around  
And you were gone, gone, gone  
Faded into the setting sun,  
Slipped away  
But I won't cry  
Cause I know I'll never be lonely  
For you are the stars to me,  
You are the light I follow..._

Rachel walked back over to the group and hugged Santana quickly before taking her spot beside Kurt once again.

New Directions with Rachel:  
_I will see you again, whoa  
This is not where it ends  
I will carry you with me, oh  
'Til I see you again_

New directions with Rachel:  
_Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh [2x]_

Santana took centre stage with Kurt; arms around one another.

Santana:  
_I can hear those echoes in the wind at night  
Calling me back in time  
Back to you_

Kurt and Santana:  
_In a place far away  
Where the water meets the sky  
The thought of it makes me smile  
You are my tomorrow_

The pair ran back to the group, standing on either side of Rachel, wraping their arms around her.

New Directions with Rachel:  
_I will see you again, whoa  
This is not where it ends  
I will carry you with me, oh  
'Til I see you again_

Rachel and Kurt walked to opposite ends of the stage and faced each other. They shared a bittersweet look, both wishing that their missing co-leader was present with them in that moment.

Kurt:  
_Sometimes I feel my heart is breaking  
But I stay strong and I hold on cause I know_

Kurt walked across the stage as he sang and kissed Rachel's cheek before walking back to the New Directions. Rachel followed him along the stage, hand in hand, however, she stayed at the centre of the stage.

Rachel:  
_I will see you again, whoa  
This is not where it ends  
I will carry you with me, yeah, yeah  
_

New Directions: (Rachel)  
_I will see you again, whoa  
This is not where it ends  
I will carry you with me, oh  
'Til I see you again._

_Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh [2x]  
'(Til I see you again)_

_Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh  
(til I see you again, whoa  
'Til I see you again,)_

Rachel:  
_Said goodbye turned around  
And you were gone, gone, gone._

The crowd was once again on their feet. Rachel joined back up with the group and together, they all took a vow and shared tears. They all surrounded their petite former leader and embraced in a group hug. Rachel smiled bittersweet at the situation. She was beyond proud that together, they honored him in such a brilliant way and in a way he would have loved to see but like everyone present, she just wished it didn't have to be. Tonight was a clear indication of how many lives Finn touched. Tonight, it wasn't so much a memorial for a fallen friend, brother, son and lover… No, it was much more than that. This concert, as Rachel preferred to refer to as, was a celebration of a life that they were robbed of far too soon. A celebration of a heart and soul that had impacted so many people and would forever remain in their hearts.

* * *

_And... there you have it. I hope you guys liked this. Please read and review! _

_Songs:_

_Pretending *show version* - Glee Cast  
Faithfully *Show version; motified* - Glee Cast  
I want you to live - George Canyon  
To Make You Feel My Love - Adele  
See You Again - Carrie Underwood_


	10. Total Eclipse of the Heart

_Hello lovlies!_

Here is another chapter! Sorry for the lateness of it... I had a bit of writers block and had to do some research. I tried to make it accurate but I'm not sure. If anyone knows anything about Broadway Rehearsals once a show opens officially, please tell me lol. I could use the insight.

_I also had some difficulties with some issues that I have. I have something called Borderline Personality Disorder and I have pretty much decided to stay on my own the last year or so after having a marriage, a serious relationship and what could have been a good thing blow up in my face because of how I handle things. I recently realized that I have a good friend I have fallen for and the whole concept of being with them terrifies me because now that I am on my own, I have an idea of how to handle things and I'm afraid of losing that again... I'm rambling lol sorry. But yeah... it distracted me from writing so I apologize._

_The gang is back in New York and Rachel & Jesse deal with matters the way they know best. There's a few lighter moments in here. I wanted to keep things a little happier since everything has been so serious lately in the story. _

_Thank you for all the reviews, favorites and follows. You guys keep me motivated to write! I don't think I've held onto a story this long so yay!_

_I will TRY to have something by Friday but the Tribute episode is probably gonna make me sob for a while lol. Maybe it will inspire me. I do know that tissue will be handy!_

_I own nothing but the story._

* * *

**Chapter 10  
Total Eclipse of the Heart**

**New York City, NY**

It had been a grueling day for the cast of Funny Girl. They had been doing run-throughs for the last eight hours. Rachel was exhausted and her throat was beginning to feel the strain. She focused on the fact that opening night was tomorrow and that this was everything she could have ever hoped for.

Backstage, however, head of wardrobe stood with the producers with a grim look on her face. They had Vern concerned with Rachel's obvious weight loss since the summer. They were concerned that she wasn't managing as well as they had hoped, which was understandable under the circumstances. Jesse was quickly brought into the conversation, knowing that the two co-stars were close. Jesse suggested that perhaps she was taking on too much and should consider taking a sabbatical from NYADA; however, he knew Rachel. She would do what she had too in order to keep on top of everything. He knew her grades had slipped at school. The weight loss was obvious. It didn't matter how much of a show face he had going, she wasn't doing well. Jesse sighed as the conversation ended. He and Rachel still hasn't talked much since the whole ordeal; and somehow, Rachel had dodged any kissing during the run-throughs as she had during the rehearsals prior to the incident. He knew she would be professional come show time but he was genuinely concerned. It was time for the rest of the apartment's residences to become aware of the situation at hand with her well-being. Her fathers were there for the week- maybe now was the perfect time or maybe it wasn't. He would talk to Kurt, Blaine and Santana as soon as he could. He went over to his bag and pulled out his phone. He wrote a text to them quickly asking them to meet him in Kurt's walk in closet at 10 that night. He threw the phone back into the bag and walked into the staff kitchenette. He prepared Rachel a tea with honey; knowing her voice needed it. He could hear the strain while she sang Don't Rain on my Parade. To most people, it would sound pristine but he knew better.

With the tea finished, he walked out to where Rachel settled after her run through DROMP and handed her the tea. She smiled at him in appreciation, he simply nodded to her in response and headed towards the wardrobe area.

"Jesse?" She called softly. He turned around and looked at her. ". I think we need to..."

"There's nothing to talk about, Rachel," he said flatly. She flinched. He didn't call her Rach anymore. "I have to get back to rehearsals, excuse me."

Rachel watched as Jesse disappeared from her sighed. She slumped back into her seat and leaned her head back. She needed him badly right now. How could he not see that? There had to be a way to get through to him.

Within seconds of being out of sight, Jesse cursed himself. He knew she wasn't dealing well and he wasn't helping matters. The woman had the world on her shoulders and he was acting like a child. He was 21 now; he had to start acting like it and let go of the Miva attitude. At least when it came to personal relationships. He half screamed in frustration, running his hands through his hair.

It was another three hours before they were finally let go by the directors; Jesse glanced at his cell phone – all parties confirmed. It was now nine-thirty. He had a half hour to make his way home to meet with the others. Living near the theatre district had its advantages. The roads were decent this hour and he knew he would probably be home within the next fifteen minutes or so. Rachel had plans to meet up with her dads, so he knew the risk of her walking in on their conversations – still, they could never be too careful. The closet was the best place for them, without a doubt.

He made it to the apartment with a solid ten minutes to spare. He popped a coffee into his Tassimo and stirred in some coffee creamer. He grabbed his mug and walked through the penthouse and into Kurt`s walk-in. Blaine and Santana were already there, sitting on the floor in the centre talking about something. Jesse nodded a hello at the pair and sat down on the floor with them. Turns out they had been discussing the matter at hand with Rachel.

"Where's Kurt?" Jesse asked as he made himself comfortable on the floor

"I'm right here," Kurt said as he rushed into the room, throwing his work bag down and practically threw himself onto the floor beside Blaine, leaning in to give him a kiss. "Isabella had a bit of an issue at the office so I had to handle that. So, Rachel."

Santana nodded, her eyes boring into Jesse. "Why don't you start by telling us what happened between the two of you? Don't tell me nothing happened, you two went from being attached to the hip to barely even talking. Something happened in Lima."

"Yeah, something did," Jesse sighed, running his hand through his hair, "We were at her place and she was obviously upset by everything going on. I did what I always did to calm her down and she started kissing me. At first, I was shocked. I didn't know what to think. Obviously instinct and carnal desire won out and I kissed her back."

"Oh my god!" Kurt exclaimed, "You two slept together, didn't you? Oh my god, Jesse! How –"

"No, we didn't," Jesse stated forcefully, giving Kurt slight cut eye, "I think that's the problem or maybe not. I don't know. My avoiding her on the topic is probably not helping matters."

"She turned you down and now feels stupid," Santana concluded, leaning back on her elbows, "its Rachel, she might just be doing her drama queen thing."

"I turned her down," Jesse said flatly, looking at the floor. "She was more than willing. She wanted me to make the pain stop and… when she said that… I just couldn't do it."

"Well I'll be damned," Santana piped, "Jesse St. James got a chance to bang his dream girl and he walked away because he didn't want to be used. I'm shocked. I am actually shocked."

Blaine patted Jesse on the back, ignoring the Latina, "She will talk to you when she's not feeling so ashamed. I can imagine how she feels right now."

Kurt studied Jesse's guilty face and shot him daggers. "Really Jesse? You're giving her the cold shoulder? When did she try talking to you?"

Jesse flinched and Santana sat up, staring at the boy in disbelief. "Today at the theatre. I gave her some tea because her voice was straining and she tried getting me to talk. I dismissed her, telling her there was nothing for us to talk about."

"Jesse!" the trio shouted in unison

"Oh I'm about to go all Lima Heights on you," Santana said standing up, pacing the room while swearing in Spanish.

"I know, alright? I regretted it almost immediately," Jesse groaned in frustration and threw himself onto the floor. "I have been trying to carry the world for her and I suppose I got selfish. In retrospect, I am in the right, however, considering what she has been through, I should have given her an opportunity to speak her mind on the matter. I was selfish in doing so, I know."

"I don't think so," Blaine stated, only to receive a look from his Fiancé, "Hear me out before you give me that look. You have done so much for Rachel, for all of us, and you are human. You are allowed to be hurt and what happened with Rachel hurt. You don't have to push those feelings aside just because of everything. While it is most unfortunate, life doesn't just stop. Do I think you should have dismissed her? No, of course not. However, to call yourself selfish for feeling is unfair to yourself."

Kurt rolled his eyes and Santana sat down on one of the luxury bean bag chairs. "I agree with Blaine. Simple solution, talk to her tonight when she gets back from spending time with her dads. Clear the air with her. Even if it a simple 'I'm not mad at you yada yada' speech."

Jesse nodded. "What do we do about how she is doing? Obviously she isn't doing as well as we all had thought, even the wardrobe personale at the Theatre are concerned. We have all heard the vomiting that follow crying episodes, the mood swings…"

"The pacing around the apartment at three and four in the morning, sometimes even humming 'Faithfully' or 'Make You Feel My Love'." Kurt added

"The big thing, though, and I agree with Jesse is the lack of eating and her apparent weight loss," Blaine stated, "She was thin to begin with. I don't, however, think this is only Finn's death that's causing this."

Jesse shook his head. "No, of course not. I think maybe she has taken on far too much. Funny Girl is demanding nearly every free minute we have. We are still in rehearsals, technically speaking. The official opening isn't for two weeks. We are just doing previews starting tomorrow. This director, while brilliant in his own way, is notorious for coming down even harder on the cast once previews open."

"Things calm down though, on the rehearsal side of things don't they? Once it's opened…" Santana inquired

The men nodded. "During previews, they do a sliced rehearsal schedule, however, once it officially opens I think there's a limit to how often they can enforce rehearsals?"

Jesse nodded at Blaine's statement/question. "Eight hours a week maximum once the show begins previews. We will still be running roughly eight shows a week, I believe, more around Christmas as per usual."

"I do suppose that will make things easier on her, will it not?"

Jesse shrugged. "Yeah, I mean if she would have taken time off school rehearsals would have been the time to do it. I took a decline in my classes. I only personally have half of what any of you have. I go back up to full in January."

"So maybe we just got to keep on her about eating and getting some down time until things get a little saner?" Santana suggested

Kurt nodded. "I agree."

Blaine pulls out his phone and opens up an app where he can take some notes. "Previews start on the 16th of November. How long do they run?"

"Two weeks," Jesse noted, looking at his iPhone. "Seven shows a week."

Santana looked perplexed, "And how long are rehearsals during these two weeks?"

Jesse laughed at Santana's reaction. "Depends on what they think needs to be worked on. It could be little or we could be hounded, we just don't know."

"You people are insane!" Santana exclaimed in mockness. "Kurt, did she change her schedule, do you know?"

"I know she saw Carmen last week," he stated. "What about, I have absolutely no idea. I am going to assume as much. I know Carmen was pushing for it."

Jesse nodded, "Carmen had asked me how she was holding up. I think a few faculty members have noticed her struggling. She mentioned she may enforce a reduced schedule. They want to see their students succeed. She has been a force to be reckoned with since she walked in the door. From winning the Winter Showcase as a freshman and getting a lead in a revival of a major Broadway production. They are going to do anything they can for her."

"I say we plan a movie time or something," Kurt suggested, "Help us all relax and what not. Monday's are dark aren't they?"

Jesse nodded. "Yeah, that sounds like a good idea Kurt."

"So it's settled," Santana stated standing up. "We keep an eye on Rachel, we have movie nights as a group and we keep going. I like it."

"You're in a hurry," Blaine noted with a grin. "Seeing Dani tonight?"

Santana smiled brightly. "Yes! We are heading to some concert at Central Park. You guys can come."

Kurt and Blaine nodded enthusiastically. "Rachel's out, you should come with us. Could be a lot of fun."

Jesse shook his head. "I'm alright. I think I am going to take the time and write some music or something to take my mind of things. But thanks for the invite, Kurt."

* * *

The group disappeared fairly quickly leaving Jesse alone in the closet. He stood there for a moment listening to a faint music coming from his bedroom. Rachel was home, though he was confused as to why. The conversation took maybe twenty minutes and was mostly uneventful. His phone vibrated in his hand. It was a text from Kurt.

_Rachel's dads are running late from a show. Go talk to her._

He pocketed his phone. He came to the door of the closet and stopped. The music was all too familiar. He closed his eyes and sang..

_Turn around..._

Rachel was in the bedroom, staring out one of the windows when the music began to play a gentle melody. It was the opening notes for a song she once used to apologize to Jesse. She smiled as she remembered that day. A time when life was a little simpler. She often wondered what would have happened if Jesse would have forgiven her for it all. She leaned against the wall and allowed the music to take over. Then she heard Jesse's voice from across the apartment. How she heard it, she wasn't sure. The music wasn't on that loud. Maybe the acoustics were just that good. She didn't even notice when her voice took over to join Jesse.

_Every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you're never coming around.  
_

Jesse, who was still standing in the doorway of the closet, smiled. He responded in perfect timing.

_Turn around...  
_

Rachel didn't open her eyes. Her mind was imagining her kneeling on Finn's grave as she laid roses on his grave.

_Every now and then I get a little bit tired of listening to the sound of my tears  
_

Jesse slowly ventured out of the doorway of the closet and slowly walked into the living room area.

_Turn around  
_

Rachel's mind was still wrapped up in memories. This time she imagined leaning against the bridge in New York with Finn.

_Every now and then I get a little bit nervous that the best of all the years have gone by_

_Every now and then I get a little bit terrified and then I see the look in your eyes_

Rachel opened her eyes. Jesse was now half walking and half dancing around the living room, dramatically making his way towards the bedroom.

_Turn around bright eyes_

Rachel closed her eyes again and let a tear fall from her eyes, remembering a time when Finn sang those words.

_Every now and then I fall apart_

Jesse vocals filled the space as he leaned against the piano in the living room.

_Turn around bright eyes_

Rachel pulled away from the wall dramatically and rested both of her hands against the glass.

_Every now and then I fall apart...  
And I need you now tonight  
And I need you more than ever  
And if you'll only hold me tight  
We'll be holding on forever...  
_

Rachel turned around and leaned against the glass, the palm of her hands against the glass at her sides. Jesse was still leaning on the piano, debating his next move.

_And we'll only be making it right  
'Cause we'll never be wrong  
Together we can take it to the end of the line  
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time (all of the time)  
I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark  
We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks_

Rachel's eyes became fixated on the door to the bedroom. Almost as if she was contemplating her next move.

_I really need you tonight  
Forever's gonna start tonight_

She slowly pulled herself away from the glass and slowly made her way towards the door, grasping the TV stand as she walked.

_Once upon a time I was falling in love  
But now I'm only falling apart  
There's nothing I can do  
A total eclipse of the heart_

Jesse looked up from the piano and noticed Rachel standing in the entrance of the living room leading from the bedroom area. She was dressed in her favorite yoga pants and a black tank top, her hair loosely over her shoulders. The outfit was a match of Jesse's very low riding sweat pants (they sat just above the pelvic line) and no shirt. He had torn it off in Kurt's closet, originally intending to shower before the music started. Rachel slowly began to walk towards Jesse as he walked around the piano.

_Once upon a time there was light in my life  
But now there's only love in the dark  
Nothing I can say  
A total eclipse of the heart_

Jesse and Rachel met in the middle of the living room where they began a contemporary dance to the music break of the song. Their body's moving as one, they utilized the space around them. Their moved a fluid and flawless, as if the part had been choreographed and practiced for hours on end. As the musical break came to an end, Jesse pulled Rachel towards him so her body was pressed to his as they sang.

_Turn around bright eyes_

Rachel kept her body against Jesse's and moved them over a few steps to the right.

_Every now and then I fall apart_

The two bodies took a few fluid steps towards the left. Both grateful they took ballet growing up.

_Turn around bright eyes_

Rachel spun around, keeping her body against his and looked in his eyes as they repeated the motions. Their eyes never unlocking.

_Every now and then I fall apart  
And I need you now tonight  
And I need you more than ever_

Rachel broke the grasp and grabbed onto the piano, her eyes remaining locked with Jesse's.

_And if you'll only hold me tight  
We'll be holding on forever  
And we'll only be making it right  
'Cause we'll never be wrong  
Together we can take it to the end of the line_

Rachel looked away from Jesse and walked over to the window, opening the invisible door to the terrace. She leaned against the rail. Jesse came up behind her but didn't touch her.

_Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time (all of the time)  
I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark  
We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks_

Rachel turned around and looked at Jesse with pleading, sad eyes.

_I really need you tonight  
Forever's gonna start tonight_

Rachel rested her head against Jesse, he wrapped his arms around her. The music was silenced by the door closing but Rachel's soft voice broke the cool evening wind.

_Once upon a time I was falling in love_

Jesse lifted her head and looked in her eyes as they sang together.

_But now I'm only falling apart  
There's nothing I can do  
A total eclipse of the heart  
A total eclipse of the heart_

Rachel pulled away and turned her back to Jesse as a tear rolled down her cheek.

_A total eclipse of the heart_

Jesse walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her. He rested his head against her shoulders as the final words rolled off his tongue.

_Turn around bright eyes_

* * *

**Inside the Penthouse**

A silence fell between them. Although Rachel had once used the song as a way to apologize to him, he understood the context to her life now. Everything was clearer. Music had given her the strength to say the words she didn't dare to speak.

Inside, Rachel's dads appeared with Rosalie. The trio stood in the living room, watching the pair with smiles on their faces.

"Is she alright with him?" LeRoy asked concerned. "I remember those horrid nightmares he caused her. Our baby couldn't sleep well for weeks."

Rosalie snickered. "Yes. He regretted it, I hope you know."

"Oh?" Hiram inquired as Rosalie threw her bag onto the sofa and sat down.

The men followed suit. "He came home that night and locked himself up. He only came out for anything related to vocal adrenaline. He was hurt from the video and did the rash thing. He regretted leaving her at that school. He knew in his heart that he should have stayed there with her."

LeRoy watched as Jesse placed a kiss on his daughter's forehead and his daughter smile in return. "Kurt mentioned that he talked to Madame Tibideaux in Chicago in regards to her admission. Is this true?"

Rosalie nodded with a smile. "Yes. He only ever wanted to make her dreams come true. Now they are and he couldn't be prouder. He just wishes she wasn't going through what she is."

Hiram pursed his lips, "Yes, none of us wish this madness on Rachel. She loved that boy very much. I just hope she can overcome it all and live a happy life. She deserves to find love again someday. Maybe not now - let her take her time."

Rosalie smiled, giving LeRoy the same knowing look he gave to her.

"I don't think you need to worry about that, Mr. Berry."

Outside, the pair were oblivious to the adults talking about them from the sofa. They were lost in their own St. Berry world. Rachel felt safe. The two days she wasn't able to do exactly this, she felt lost and afraid. Jesse made her feel like she was strong enough to survive the pain she was in. She looked up at Jesse, afraid of what she may find hidden in his eyes. She spent a solid minute or two searching them, looking for some sign of anger or hatred and there was none. There was love and… understanding? Did he truly understand what she was trying to tell him?

* * *

"Are we okay now?" Rachel asked, her voice quivering.

Jesse smiled at the girl, "There was never anything wrong. You know how we are… we are both drama queens. I thought we established that a few years ago. If I remember correctly, we were standing on the Vocal Adrenaline stage."

Rachel smirked. "I thought we established that I was the bigger drama queen…"

"Oh, you are, however, in order for us to establish that you are the bigger drama queen I have to admit to the fact that I am also a drama queen. I believe my exact words were 'you're a bigger drama queen than I am.'"

Rachel gave him a look. "Are we seriously having this as a discussion right now?"

Jesse laughed and kissed her forehead. "We are fine. We both just had to stew and deal with things our own way. We do need to start talking about stuff though. We usually don't and it ends badly."

Rachel pouted. "You mean with eggs on my head?"

"I was thinking watermelon this time but then I figured it would have been painful so I considered grapes… or tomatoes…."

Rachel tightened her grip around Jesse's waist and thought. "I would have to say grapes. The green ones though. They won't stain."

"Okay, so you're going to wait here while I grab some from the fridge," Jesse pretended to pull away from Rachel only to have Rachel put dead weight down in attempt to keep him from leaving. "You know this has to happen. Don't make me use brute force, missy."

Rachel gave him a challenging look, "You wouldn't dare."

Jesse smirked and scooped the girl up, throwing her over his shoulder. Rachel protested rather loudly. She was far from amused by Jesse's actions and made it clear. Jesse ventured into the penthouse and had a full intention of bringing Rachel into the kitchen this way when he heard a deliberate cough coming from the living room. He turned around, a squealing Rachel on his shoulder and came face to face with Rosalie and Rachel's dads.

"Hi Dad, daddy," Rachel squeaked out, "How was the show?"

* * *

Jesse was standing in the bathroom him and Rachel shared, finishing up his night time routine when Rachel walked in to finish off her own. She was wrapped up in bright pink robe with a gold star on the left side of her chest and her name written under it, a gift from Jesse after the group moved in officially. She had her moisturizing bag clutched in her hand when she walked over to him and smacked him playfully in the gut.

"What was that for?" Jesse exclaimed, glancing over at her with his face half covered with shaving cream.

"Carrying me inside the penthouse while you're half naked," she snipped with humor to her voice. "I can't believe my dad's saw that."

Jesse looked flabbergasted. "It's not we were naked."

Rachel raised her eyebrow, "You might as well have been. I think my dad's saw more of you than they ever intended too in their life."

"What's with that smirk then?" Jesse stood straight and puffed out his chest, "Admit it, I am the perfect male specimen."

Rachel looked up at him through the mirror and laughed, "You're so hard to take seriously with that stuff all over your face."

Jesse looked at her with an evil grin on his face, "You mean this stuff?"

In a swift movement, Jesse took some of the shaving cream from the can and wiped it on Rachel's cheek causing her to squeal.

"Jesse St. James!"

He kissed her cheek, shaving cream still covering his face, leaving a mark on her cheek. "That's my name, don't wear it out."

With that, he grabbed the towel he had lying on the counter and sprinted to the other side of the bathroom, armed with his can of shaving cream. Rachel wiped her face off with a towel and glared at him. She reached into her cabinet and pulled out her shaving cream. The two of them spent the next ten minutes or so, chasing one another around the bathroom and Jesse's room, laughing, squealing and acting pretty much like kids. They paid no attention to the fact that it was nearly midnight and her fathers were asleep at the moment. Or at least had been. From the guest room, her dads were startled awake by the commotion, however, they said nothing. They laid in bed with one another and simply relished the fact that their daughter was happy and laughing. There was no way they were going to interrupt that; the moments didn't happen often.

Rachel was cornered in the bedroom by Jesse who had somehow come into possession of a second can of shaving cream. Both of them were covered from head to toe though neither of them seemed to mind. Rachel gave him a mistevious grin and went to slide under his arm but slipped through the slickness of the shaving cream and began what would have been a sure face plant when Jesse grabbed her and managed to break her fall by sending them both toppling onto the bed with him landing on top of her. The two of them burst out laughing yet never changed their positioning on the bed. Rachel looked up at him and took some of the shaving cream off his cheek and put it on his nose. He leaned forward and gave her an Eskimo kiss, causing her nose to get covered as well. Their eyes locked and they both froze. Jesse wanted nothing more than to kiss her, however, he knew she probably wouldn't react well to it. Rachel laughed awkwardly and pushed him to the side as she sat up. She felt her hair and groaned in annoyance.

"I already showered," she sighed. "Now I'm going to have to do it again."

Jesse sat up and settled in beside her, understanding her reaction. "Go have a bath. Relax. I'll go in bathroomette and have a shower."

"Naw," Rachel responded, resting her head on his shoulder, "A shower is fine. Stay with me tonight? You're still Jesse to me. I didn't sleep well when we were fighting. When you're in here with me, I don't have nightmares."

Jesse smiled and nodded. "Of course, whatever you need Rachel."

There was silence between them before Jesse went to stand up. Rachel grabbed his hand, causing him to turn around. He looked at her curiously as she stared at the floor, her face riddled with mixed emotions.

"Jesse, I…" she took a deep breath. "You know it will happen someday, right? I'm just…"

His face softened and his eyes began to shimmer, "I know, Rach. Don't worry, alright?"

She nodded sadly, "Meet here in say… twenty?"

"Alright," he said as he kissed the top of her head, "Enjoy your shower."

Rachel nodded and watched as Jesse left the room. She threw herself onto the bed and sighed in frustration. There was no denying that she was blessed to have someone like Jesse in her life. Not only had he been there for her and her friends when their apartment went up in smoke, allowing them to stay there permanently free of charge, he had been the most amazing friend she could have ever asked for. She knew how much he loved her, which was more apparent every day. He understood what she was going through and respected that she was going to need time. Rachel had been wrapped up in Finn once before when she and Jesse were together and there was no way she could do that. It hadn't been fair to either of them then and it wasn't fair to Jesse or Finn's memory now. She wasn't ready to be with anyone – yet. She knew though that when she was finally ready where she was going to end up. All roads lead back to Jesse.

* * *

And there ya have it. Read and review peeps!


	11. Wherever You Are

_**Here is chapter 11 for all you lovely people. Thank you to all my reviewers and to those who have added this story to their favorites and my followers. This chapter took longer to write than I would have expected. The tribute episode sidelined me for a few days in the writing department. Absolutely beautiful yet absolutely heartbreaking. You could tell just how loved Cory was by the cast of Glee... and Lea's part... oh my god. I don't think I stopped crying.**_

_**Plus it's Thanksgiving in Canada and gosh knows I've been busy with family stuff.**_

_**This chapter is done and that's what matters. There has been another jump, however, it's nothing major. I hope you all love it.**_

_**Read and review!**_

_**P.S. I own nothing but the story.**_

* * *

**Chapter 11:  
Wherever You Are**

**Penthouse, UES NY**

"So, what's the movie going to be tonight? Please not Chicago again," Kurt said with a grin as he plopped down on the sofa in between Rachel and Blaine for what has become their traditional Monday movie fest, "Jesse, I am counting on you."

It had been three months since Funny Girl opened and seven months since Finn passed away. Funny Girl was a success; far more popular than anyone intended. During the official debut, all of Rachel's wildest dreams came true when she was greeted backstage by Mrs. Barbra herself. Jesse initially thought Rachel was going to die, then worried she would faint from the pressure of knowing her idol, the very woman who idolized the role, was in the audience. Rachel nailed it and has begun her mission to take over Broadway. Things had been going well for the dynamic duo, Ryan Murphy, famed director had been on Broadway in search of the perfect duo to take on his movie version of the popular Broadway musical, Spring Awakening. After two meetings and readings for the director, both of them were casted in the film that was set to begin filming in a few months. Rachel was left feeling uneasy about it – considering the context of what was involved for her character Wendla and Jesse's character Melchoir. Sure, they played lovers while performing Funny Girl, but Spring Awakening was something of an entirely different level; however, she knew the chance of a lifetime this movie was. Besides, there was no one in the world she could have imagined doing such a film with other than Jesse. The movie would be filmed in New York, obviously, to help the pair do both the film as well as stay committed to their Broadway show. This meant taking a leave of absence from NYADA following their semester's completion in December. This was something that came to no surprise to Madame Tibideaux. She was beyond elated to see two of her students make a name for themselves as they had been.

Rachel had also taken the steps to keep herself together following Finn's death. One way she did this was by seeing a therapist to help her better cope with the grief. Over the past few months, she had been doing exceptionally well. While she was still a long way from being over it, she had come to accept it. Finn was always going to be a part of her and moving on from the plans and the very person she called 'her person' was proving to be nearly impossible. Being as busy as she had been with school and the musical had been a world of help for the petite singer.

Santana, Kurt, Dani and Blaine had started up their own band called the Apocolypsticks, a name that Kurt had initially refused until they found their 5th band member, a deviously handsome young man known as Starchild. As it would turn out, the other fellow bandmates fell victim to his ocean blue eyes and sexy as hell half smile and since he liked the name Santana had come up with, the others jumped ship. They had been doing well for themselves on the New York indie scene. There was buzz about them getting a potential record deal with Cherrytree Records/Interscope where Mercedes's had recently signed on with after many months of hard promotion on her own for her record.

Things were definitely looking up for the New York gang in 2014.

The holidays had been spent in New York since Rachel and Jesse were pegged to perform Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and New Year's Day. The Hudson-Hummel and Berry families opted to stay in New York with the gang while Santana went back to Lima with Dani to visit her parents. Jesse simply got a deposit into his bank account and a hallmark card from his parents. He didn't seem fazed at the lack of phone call or presence from his parents. His sister Ashleigh, however, stayed with her brother for two weeks. He seemed to love having her around and having another St. James in the house made things very interesting, especially for Rachel. The girls became quick friends once Ashleigh got bored of pestering Rachel in regards to her feelings about her brother. Jesse and Ashleigh loved being around the other two families for the holidays, making it very clear that this was the first time in a very long time they felt like they were truly a part of something. New Year's resulted in just the gang, minus Santana and Dani being present along with Ashleigh. The gang, including Rachel, got smashed and partied in Time Square, something none of them would ever forget. Rachel, however, would like to pretend she didn't remember kissing Jesse at the stroke of midnight, but truth be told, it was a memory that played in her mind a lot. The two of them had become nearly inseparable since Funny Girl opened; their Facebook and twitter had been quickly filling up with photos of the two of them doing promotions, hanging backstage and just every day quick pics. Rachel's current Facebook profile page was a cute photo taken at the house Rachel's parents had purchased for when they are in town. It's about forty minutes outside of the city, necesstled into a quiet street. It was taken first thing in the morning; Jesse is sitting in a chair wearing a pair of sweatpants, t-shirt and backwards baseball cap while Rachel wore her PJs, and a robe with her hair a mess and a coffee cup in hand while sitting on Jesse's lap. To anyone seeing the photograph for the first time, it looked as though they were a couple in love. To their friends and family, however, they were simply St. Berry, two best friends.

Rachel was quite content with her friendship with Jesse; even though every day that passed she could feel her feelings shift a bit. It had been seven months since Finn died, however, she was still feeling uneasy about the prospect of a new relationship. Time would bring them together at some point. Rachel didn't stress it though, when it was meant to happen it would.

"Well, we could watch a musical like Hair or Sweeny Todd," Jesse suggested from the large library he had opened on his entertainment system, "Or we could watch something else…"

"The Notebook?" Dani suggestion.

"Yes! I haven't seen that movie in such a long time," Rachel exclaimed, causing Jesse to tense. He only prayed she didn't use those two words that made him weak, "Please Jesse?"

Those ones, he knew in that moment there was nothing he could do. He would sit on the couch and suffer through the Notebook once again.

"This part reminds me so much of the two of you," Starchild, or Elliot, stated from his spot on the recliner.

The group watched as Rachel McAdams' character, Allie fought with Ryan Goslings character Noah in the scene after Allie received the letters from her mother. Rachel smirked, she couldn't deny that it was something similar to them.

"You two have the whole reunited lover thing going on as well," Starchild said with that smirk of his

"We aren't together," Jesse stated flatly, not taking his eyes off the screen.

Clearly, Jesse wasn't a fan of the young man in his living room; the reason for this was simple. Starchild had the opportunity to sing with the band Queen once at the iheart radio concert a few years back, a gig Jesse believed he had been born for. Queen was his specialty and it pained him more than he would admit to have serious competition for the best singer of Queen's music. They had their share of miva-show downs over the last few months; each winning won. As good as Elliot was, he didn't stand a chance against Jesse's 'Bohemian'.

There was another reason for their rivalry – Rachel. Kurt, Blaine and Rachel swore he was gay, however, Santana, Dani and himself weren't buying it. He may have dressed the part, looked the part and mostly acted the part but they saw the way her looked at Rachel. Nothing about it screamed innocent or gay. There have been a handful of times when Jesse would have sworn that he was undressing her with his eyes. Jesse had threatened Elliot in private numerous times, in response, Elliot gave him a smug look and stated that as long as Rachel was single, she was free game.

"Yet," Starchild responded and focused on the movie.

"Yet," Jesse whispered with a smile as he glanced down at Rachel.

Rachel heard what Jesse tried to hide and smiled. She was grateful for Jesse in more ways than she could ever even begin to comprehend or explain. He was her rock, her safe place and her best friends. There is no one else that she could imagine being this close with since Finn's death. He had been her on earth guardian angel since the very start – even before Finn passed.

Rachel still spoke to Finn every day, Jesse has heard it on more than one occasion. Once he had overheard her talking to Finn about him and how she was confused about her feelings…

* * *

_Rachel sat on her bed… it was weird for her to still call it that. It had been Jesse's and in many ways it still was considering he was there most nights. There had only been a handful of evenings when Rachel was too far gone for the time being and wanted to be alone; and those nights were getting fewer and fewer. Tonight, she knew she had sometime alone. Jesse had been in the living room, helping Blaine and Kurt prepare for their showcase performances. She pulled her knees to her chest and rested her head on them. _

_ "I miss you, Finn. It's almost Christmas. You should see New York right now… it's beautiful. Funny Girl is doing amazing. The critics loved the show – giving myself and Jesse ample praise. They're calling us the next big things. Can you believe that, Finn? We are going to be doing a movie for a musical. Ryan Murphy… he did that Nip N Tuck show you loved so much… they are bringing the musical Spring Awakening back but this time for the big screen. Jesse and I got the lead roles. I'm excited but Finn, I'm so scared and nervous. Yes, Funny Girl has its share of romantic scenes but nothing compared to what will be expected of us with Spring Awakening. I've seen the musical… my dad's took me when I was younger… its intimate and intense. The role is exactly the kind of role that could really get my foot into the door for movies… and there's talks of the movie being turned into a revival to be casted by the movie's cast. This will give me like a year to do Funny Girl and then be right back into the theatre for Spring… It's everything I have ever wanted and I'm terrified. I don't know if I am ready to be that close with Jesse. He's the only one I could imagine doing it with yet… it still feels wrong. It's acting… but in a way… it's not." Rachel laid on the bed and sighed heavily, unaware that Jesse was standing outside the door to the bedroom, afraid to interrupt her private moment with Finn, "Kurt told me that you once told him that if anything ever happened to you that you wouldn't want to see me with anyone else but Jesse and honestly, I can't see myself with anyone else either. I felt that for you too and I have had no choice but to rethink that. I hate it, Finn. I am falling for Jesse in a way that I always believed was only meant for you and I'm scared… I don't want to lose sight of you. I don't want to forget you. Jesse swears I never will… that part of me will always hold you close to my heart. But is that true? If I let myself fall completely for Jesse… will I be betraying you or will I be doing the very thing you would want me to do? I remember… that conversation we had when your mom got engaged. You were so angry at first, because of your dad, and I asked you then… what you would have wanted if you were your father and you told me that no matter what, you would want me to be happy. That you would want me to live and when I was ready, love again. I try to remember that, I do. I know when I am ready, it will be Jesse but I also know I'm not ready… not yet. Maybe someday I will. My dads are already concerned about it but I can't be bothered to think about it. It's only been five months. That's not enough time… Ugh, Finn. I had it all figured out. I was going to make it big on Broadway, maybe do a Woody Allen movie and then come back to Lima, where you would be a teacher doing Glee club and I'd walk in, probably dramatically announce that I was home. That would be it. We would have lived happily ever after. You and I both knew that time was going to come. Here I am, making a name for myself on Broadway and about to do a movie… yet, when I'm satisfied in my career I won't have anything in Lima to come back too. I can't handle that fact – not yet. Oh Finn… what am I supposed to do?_

* * *

She was aware that he had heard her that night; she remembered feeling his presence outside her door. He brought her a glass of water, just as her fathers did when she was a child, an action that had become a tradition in the house between them. Jesse had expected her to kick him out that night, as she had any other night when she was in that state, however, that night was different. He was always doing everything he could to take care of her and all she did was push him away. That night, she pulled him onto the bed and spent the next hour sobbing into his chest until she passed out from exhaustion. He held her all night – when she awoke the next morning, she had been in the same place she passed out in and no nightmares haunted her.

As the bickering continued on the screen, Rachel noticed that Jesse had memorized one of Noah's lines in the movie. She could hear her whispering them along with the movie.

_Well, that's what we do. We fight. You tell me when I'm being an arrogant son of a bitch and I tell you when you're being a pain in the ass, which you are 99% of the time. You have like a 2 second rebound rate and then you're back doing the next pain in the ass thing. So it's not going to be easy it's going to be really hard. We're going to have to work at this every day but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you. Forever._

Rachel glanced up at him and nudged him. He broke his trance on the movie and looked down at the petite brunette tucked under his arm with a smile. She looked up and him and silently spoke, asking him how he knew the part perfectly. He simply responded with a brilliant smile and laying a gentle kiss on her forehead. She knew he wouldn't tell her anything then. She sighed in defeat and returned her attention to the movie.

When the movie ended, the group discussed it for a moment. Rachel was oblivious to what was going on. She was lost in her own little world at the moment. Everyone said their good nights and either left the penthouse or made their way to their respective quarters. Jesse had ventured outside to watch the city as he often did while Rachel sat on the sofa lost in a thoughtless trance.

* * *

Jesse leaned against the rail, looking out at the city over central park. It was dark and cold yet absolutely beautiful at the same time. Sometimes, Jesse would just come out here to think and lose himself in the world around him. He was profoundly lucky to be living the life he had always dreamed of. He was a Broadway star now and on his way to a long standing career. Still, something felt like it was missing. He knew Rachel would always be by his side but as what? A perfect best friend? A lover? A wife? He understood what she was going through, however, he was only human. He had been waiting years for his real chance with her and the last few months had been tough. The last few weeks had been nearly impossible. He had no real idea how he was going to make it through Spring Awakening with her considering the context their characters go through together. This was a much bigger opportunity for him to shine than Funny Girl had been, at least musically. His phone chimed. He quickly glanced at it. There was an official press release that announced the movie's release, which was slated for December 2014 and the official announcement for the Broadway revival. The musical was slated to return to Broadway in January 2015 with previews slated to begin the week of Christmas. This gave the two of them ample time to do the movie, Funny Girl for a year and a half and then Spring Awakening for however long; that's assuming they get the roles.

Jesse sighed and lowered his head. He closed his eyes tightly and wished everything was simpler. Subconsciously, his mind was taking over. Before he fully realized it, a gentle noise began to flow past his lips.

_And I'd give up forever to touch you  
Cause I know that you feel me somehow  
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be  
And I don't wanna go home right now  
And all I can taste is this moment  
And all I can breathe is your life  
When sooner or later it's over  
I just don't wanna miss you tonight_

Jesse turned around and looked at Rachel lost in her trace on the coach. He walked over to the window, laying his hand on it, watching intensively.

_And I don't want the world to see me  
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am_

Rachel remained silent for a moment before the words continued on her lips.

_And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming  
Or the moment of truth in your lies  
When everything feels like the movies  
Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive  
_

Rachel stood up and as she sang, she made her way towards the invisible door Jesse stood outside of.

_And I don't want the world to see me  
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am_

Rachel walked passed Jesse and leaned against the railing, letting the cool wind blow against her face. She felt at peace. Jesse came up beside her silently. The two of them turned and looked at one another and looked at one another with understanding in their eyes.

_And I don't want the world to see me  
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am  
And I don't want the world to see me  
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am_

The intensity in their voices and postures simmered down. They now had their arms wrapped around each other, Rachel's head against Jesse's chest. Jesse closed his eyes and sang so quietly, it could have passed as a whisper.

_I just want you to know who I am_

Rachel tightened her grip on Jesse and as a tear ran down face. She followed his voice immediately.

_I just want you to know who I am_

Rachel glanced up at Jesse and their eyes locked. Together, they let the final line blend perfectly together.

_I just want you to know who I am…_

Rachel rested her hand on Jesse's face as he wiped away a stray tear from her face. She leaned up and laid a chaste kiss on his lips which both confused him and excited him. She gave him a soft smile and whispered into his ear…

"Soon."

* * *

Rachel left the penthouse shortly after her makeshift duet with Jesse to clear her mind. She had been around someone constantly for the last few weeks so it was nice to kind of take sometime and just take a walk around the city that had become her home. Quite possibly forever. She wrapped her arms tightly around herself, pulling Finn's letterman jacket closer to her, taking in the feint scent that lingered on it. She found herself standing on their bridge, their special place. She leaned against it, closed her eyes and smiled.

_It was a summer night,  
The stars were all aligned,  
You, you, you, you showed up,  
And blew my mind._

Rachel leaned back from the bridge and swayed, losing herself in memories of hers and Finn's first summer together after they were defeated by Vocal Adrenaline at Regionals.

_We didn't sleep at all,_  
_Played records all night long,_  
_That, that, that night,_  
_I kind of fell in love._

Rachel began walking through Central Park with a dance-like bounce to her step. She was slightly grateful it was the middle of the night so fewer people were around.

_Something in your kiss,_  
_Made my body electric,_  
_You set me free._  
_That night, brought to life,_  
_For the magic that's inside,_  
_Of you and me._

She jumped up on the ledge of the fountain, using it as a makeshift stage.

_Wherever you are,_  
_You are forever on my mind._  
_Wherever you are,_  
_Know that our love will never die._

She began to dance around the fountain, trying not to slip on any potential ice patches.

_Wherever you are,_  
_Wherever you are,_  
_Love will never die,_  
_Wherever you are,_  
_Wherever you are._

Rachel jumped from the fountain and began to make her way down the New York streets towards her new home, feeling refreshed and almost revived.

_Electric wire love,  
The sun was coming up,  
Red, red, red wine,  
And whiskey on your tongue.  
Tangled up in your sheets,  
You saw the real me,  
You, you, you, you give me,  
Something to believe.  
Something in your kiss,  
Made my body electric,  
You set me free.  
That night, brought to life,  
For the magic that's inside,  
Of you and me.  
Wherever you are,  
You are forever on my mind.  
Wherever you are,  
Know that our love will never die_

She nodded a greeting at Anthony, the night time door man of the building as she dance walks into the building and towards the private elevator.

_Wherever you are,_  
_Wherever you are,_  
_Love will never die,_  
_Wherever you are,_  
_Wherever you are._  
_(Wherever, wherever),_  
_Wherever you are_  
_Wherever you are._

Rachel leaned against the back of the elevator, grasping the gold bars; her mood becoming a little sadder than it had been prior.

_Nothin' lasts forever,_  
_But I will always remember,_  
_Those nights we spent together,_  
_Wherever, wherever._

The elevator to the penthouse opened. She excited it, fully dancing as she made her way towards the bedroom, where Jesse was unexpectedly sitting on the bed, reading some material to prepare for the film. He watched the petite girl sing and dance around the bedroom amused. She was already in her PJs so he knew he didn't have to worry about her being embarrassed by giving an accidental strip tease. He put the book down and folded his arms, watching with a grin on his face.

_Wherever you are,_  
_Wherever you are,_  
_Love will never die,_  
_Wherever you are,_  
_(Wherever you are)_  
_Wherever you are._  
_(Wherever, wherever),_  
_Love will never die,_  
_Wherever you are._

Rachel spun around in the middle of singing and caught Jesse sitting on the bed looking amused as heck. Rachel blushed and looked down, trying to hide her embarrassment.

"I gather you're feeling a little better this evening?" Jesse asked, amusement dancing in his voice.

"Whatever gave you that idea?" Rachel stammered as she ran out of the room for a moment to change into a pair of bed shorts and a tank top; and to hang Finn's letterman jacket in a safe place.

"Oh maybe it's the dancing or singing an overly poppy Ke$ha song." He stated picking up his book once more, trying to hide his arousal from what Rachel had chosen to wear to bed.

"Yeah, I'm doing alright tonight," Rachel said as she sat at the vanity against the wall. "I went for a walk, ended up in Central Park and Finn and my bridge and I'm not sure what happened. The song just kind of took control of me. Felt good to get out."

Jesse nodded. "Interesting choice, I must say. While the intended context does not fit your situation, I can understand the meaning behind it that you grasp. Did it help?"

Rachel smiled under the baby wipe she was using to remove any missed make-up or sweat. "Singing always does. I guess the song being so upbeat helped make it easier for me to move around. The world around me simply hears me singing… me… I always hear the music. That's probably why."

"I get it."

"What did you do while I was gone?" Rachel asked, making her way into the bed.

"A little reading," he responded, not taking his eyes off the book, "It's a guide on the Spring Awakening musical. I really want to have an edge when it comes around to auditioning for the musical."

Rachel laid beside Jesse, resting her head on his arm, looking at the book he was going through. "Planning on keeping it to a few hundred performances with Funny Girl before you leave?"

Jesse sighed. "We have at least a year and a half doing Funny Girl, then we can decide what we want to do. I want to be prepared."

Rachel nodded in understanding. "I suppose it makes sense. Spring Awakening was an incredible play. It would be beyond amazing to play Wendla. Her character has so much depth to it."

Jesse noticed the pensively sad eyes and raised his eyebrow. "Why the long face?"

"If I got offered the role as Wendla in the Broadway production I could only take it if you were playing Melchior," she wrinkled her nose, "There's no way I would ever be comfortable doing some of those scenes with anyone else. They're rather… intimate. The movie was the same way. I told Ryan Murphy that we were a packaged deal."

Jesse raised his eye brow and looked down at the girl, "How on earth did he take that?"

Rachel shrugged, "He laughed and happily informed me that he had already offered you the role. He always intended on both of us doing the movie. Something about our undeniable chemistry. I have no idea what he's talking about, really."

Jesse laughed at Rachel's obvious sarcasm and kissed her forehead. "Dynamic duo, I think that's what we were called by numerous critics. Flawless chemistry was another."

"Or the 'chemistry so perfect it was as if the two of them were in a room together alone and no one else existed in their world'. I liked that one."

"We work well together," Jesse stated, not taking his eyes off the book. "We always have."

Rachel nodded and began reading through the pages that Jesse had opened. She couldn't help but giggle lightly to herself, "You know, I was just thinking,"

"What about?"

"How would have Finn reacted to all of this? To you and I being casted together in Funny Girl or anything related to Spring Awakening once he discovered the context?"

Jesse smirked. "I don't imagine he would have taken it well at all. Probably would have gotten into an argument with them that ultimately resulted in the assault of an innocent chair."

Rachel laughed loudly, "Yeah that was his specialty. Think he'd be proud?"

"I think after he tried to kill me or threaten my manhood, he'd be very proud. Just wouldn't like your choice of co-worker."

Rachel shook her head, "You know, I know you he wouldn't be thrilled about it but I think he would have preferred you to some random actor or Brody. I think he liked you a hell of a lot more than he ever liked Brody."

Jesse gave her a slightly dramatic look of shock. "I don't know what to say. He hated me. I could only imagine what his hatred for Brody was like. Now I'm insanely curious. I know Brody doesn't like me much."

"I saw him today, outside Starbucks," Rachel noted. "He gave me this long spew about how it's been long enough and I should be dating already, especially considering Finn and I weren't officially together."

Jesse rolled his eyes. "He doesn't understand. You knew that no matter who you dated, or lived with or met… you two were endgame. He may have not been right for your life at that moment but in the end you would have been. You knew that. Don't expect a simple mind to understand that comment. Especially a man whore."

"Sometimes I wonder if he's right," she said simply, sitting up and leaning against the head board. "I mean… it's been seven months and… I don't know."

Jesse put his book down and turned to face her. "Don't listen to him, or to anyone else. You have to listen to what's in your head and in your heart. If you aren't ready to be in a relationship until your sixty, then that's your prerogative. Stop being so concerned about numbers and what other people think and just worry about yourself and your needs."

Rachel smiled warmly and wrapped her arms around Jesse. She truly was grateful to have him in her life. He had become the very core of her survival through it all. He was her rock, her strength and the only person who seemed to truly understand. Her own fathers were concerned about her lack of interest in relationships… Jesse just understood her.

Everything he has done for her and continues to do – this is why she loves him.

* * *

There you have it! Read and review!

Songs:  
Iris - Goo Goo Dolls  
Wherever You Are - Kesha


	12. Whataya Want from Me

**Chapter 12:  
Whataya Want from Me?**

_Okay. There are parts where army terms are used within the story. If I get anything wrong, don't shoot lol. An ex of mine whom I am still very close with is a member of the Canadian Army so this is what I am used too in terms of terminology. I don't know how the US and Canada differs so keep that in mind._

_I recently lost a good friend, who was my muse for a lot of this, however, we are going strong. I worried for nothing! This is the longest I've kept a story going and I have no intentions of slowing down! Thank you for all your follows, reviews and the like. You keep me going!_

* * *

Weddings were always a grand affair. Weddings in New York take on a whole new level. Weddings in New York for an intern for and having the company host and feature the wedding online and in print - yeah that's an event of a lifetime.

It was finally here. The wedding between High School sweethearts Blaine Anderson and Kurt Hummel. Well okay. It was a week away. But the festivities were going to last all week long. Including making a stop on Broadway to give all out of town guests an opportunity to see Funny Girl. This was to take place the Wednesday before the Saturday evening wedding. The couple had originally intended to have the wedding on Valentine's Day, however, they moved it so that Rachel and Jesse had the opportunity to attend. The 15th had a 2pm afternoon performance but nothing in the evening. This allowed Rachel ample time to prepare for her role as maid of honor before the ceremony at 7:00pm.

Events for the affair were laid out as follows:

Monday was the rehearsal and dinner. This date worked best with everyone's schedules.

Tuesday would be a pre-wedding photo shoot for all members of the wedding party, including the grooms and family. They would also be treated to a wonderful brunch and wedding shower.

Wednesday was a large lunch event that was essentially a less personal wedding shower followed by the special viewing of Funny Girl.

Thursday night was the super late jack and Jill. It would begin at 10 and go possibly all night. During the day was the final chance to check on dresses and suits.

Valentine's Day played host to a large, intimate lunch for family and friends of the couple. Evening would remain a time for everyone to be with their valentine.

Saturday was the big day.

Though most people were slated to come in to town the Monday before everything began, Jesse had arranged for all the members of the Glee club in attendance, including Mr. and Mrs. Sheuster, to come into town Saturday. Saturday proved to be another mid-day performance which left the crew more than enough time to get from their hotels across the street to St James Theatre and surprise Rachel, Kurt and Blaine following the performance. Kurt and Blaine met Rachel in her dressing room as they always had with tea in their hands. After allowing Rachel a few moments to lose Franny, Rachel and the boys headed towards the back exit. They always expected fans. Some fans failed to bother with the autographs being signed by the stage door and opt for the more intrusive method. When Kurt opened the door and saw all the figures in the dark of the parking lot- he was convince we were all going to die. That was until Brittany broke free from the group and ran at Blaine, followed by Tina's assaulting hug onto Kurt. Rachel stood in place, frozen, watching her friends greet the happy couple. Puck walked over to her, decked out in his army uniform and wrapped his arms around her.

"You're looking good, Rach," Puck stated before spinning her around. "Broadway is doing wonders for you."

Rachel blushed. "Look at you, they're busting you into shape aren't you?"

He grinned. "I've been training under mechanized infantry. Driving a lot of Lavs."

The two of them walked hand in hand as the rest of the group reacquainted themselves. Jesse had been absorbed into the group by Mr. Shue and Brittany, who was still convinced they were related despite the fact that Jesse's hair had been considerably shorter since she last saw him.

"I got a shirt that I do think you'll like," Rachel noted. "Actually, Jesse found it during one of our impromptu shopping trips. It's this shade of green with... I think it's a tank of some sort... And it says _'save a tank, ride a soldier'_"

Puck burst out laughing. "I love that. How have you been Rachel, really?"

Rachel sighed. "I've been alright. Jesse has been a lot of support for me through it all. The others are as well. I just wish we saw each other more. I'm going to miss my classes once they stop completely."

Puck raised an eyebrow. "Why are they stopping?"

Rachel smiled slyly. "If I tell you then you can't tell anyone else. Just the New York Gang knows and I don't want to steal their thunder this week."

Puck nodded. "You know me, Berry."

Rachel stopped and peaked around at the group behind them. Satisfied no one was paying attention, she looked at Puck and quickly whispered, "Jesse and I got the leads in the Ryan Murray production of _Spring Awakening_. The movie version. Rumor has it that it might end up going to Broadway."

Puck hugged the girl and spun her around once more, enthusiasm dancing around in his eyes, "That's amazing, Rachel! God, you have really got it made here in New York, don`t you?"

Rachel blushed, "It's what I always wanted."

"Well, I always knew you'd be a star," Puck said as he nudged her then wrapped his arm around her shoulder. "So, I was told that we are going to some hot spot for NYADA's students. I have my guitar, I'm ready to rock out."

"Callbacks?" Rachel asked confused, "But… it's only Saturday. NYADA students generally only perform on Friday's."

"That was my doing, naturally," Jesse stated walking up to the old friends, "We need to let our hair down and have some fun. Callbacks was more than willing to let all of us be the entertainment for the evening. While NYADA students will likely be there, only this group of beautiful people are allowed to perform. So how about it?"

Rachel laughed at Jesse's enthusiasm, "You serious?"

"Who's ready to have some fun?!" Puck shouted, following Jesse's lead.

The group cheered loudly. The original New Directions were together once again. No new Glee kids to mentor, just the National Champion New Direction team. Santana was missing due to her tour commitments, which in a way she was grateful for to avoid any awkwardness between Brittany and Santana with Dani's appearance. Dani was present at Callbacks tonight, as was Starchild, however, they were both working. Dani was manning the acoustic guitar while Starchild was at the piano. Rachel couldn't help but shake the obvious missing individual; her co-leader and love, Finn. Puck noticed the shift in her mood and wrapped his arm around her shoulder, protectively as Jesse walked beside them. The group in front of them walked the streets enthusiastically, going on about the wedding and other various happenings in their lives. Rachel was grateful to have everyone together once again, this time in a much more positive setting.

The environment at Callbacks was as it always was. There was a mix between NYADA students and faces Rachel recognized from various Broadway productions. The stage area had a large banner that read "Welcome Hummel-Anderson Wedding" which Rachel smiled at. The group was ushered to a roped off VIP area and settled into their seats. Rachel sandwiched herself between Jesse and Puck which was directly across from Kurt, Blaine, Brittany and Sam. Rachel looked around at her friends; she made note that Sam and Brittany were obviously back together, as were Mike and Tina. Mr. and Mrs. Shue were lost in their own Wedded Bliss, also observing their former students.

Rachel's thoughts were shattered when the hostess came into their VIP section and informed them that they were allowed to take the stage at any time. The members of New Directions looked intimidated. This was a normal activity for the New York gang but Rachel understood why their high school friends would be nervous to go up. Jesse was, naturally, the first one up, ready and anxious to get to the microphone. The crowd cheered excitedly at his presence; if you didn't know him as a NYADA student, you knew him as Nick Arnstein.

"Hello Callbacks, how is everyone this evening?" Jesse said happily as he sat on the barstool settled in the centre of the stage, "Tonight is a very special evening. My two good friends, Kurt Hummel and Blaine Anderson are getting married a week from tonight and we are here to celebrate their love and have a good time. Congratulations, you two. Can we get a round of applause for the wonderful couple?"

Blaine and Kurt stood up, waving in appreciation at the cheering bar. They quickly settled down in their seats and turned their attention to Jesse.

"I would like to start tonight off with one of my favourite power ballads of the 80's and no it's not Queen," the audience laughed at this comment, knowing the many times he has performed various Queen Songs for them, "I am taking a page from Bon Jovi's book, actually. This is _'Living in Sin'_."

Jesse nodded at Dani, who began playing a soft melody along with Starchild. Jesse winked at the couple and shifted on his stool.

_I don't need no license  
To sign on no line  
And I don't need no preacher  
To tell me you're mine  
I don't need no diamonds  
I don't need no new bride  
I just need you, baby  
To look me in the eye  
I know they have a hand time  
And your Daddy don't approve  
But I don't need your Daddy  
Telling us what we should do_

Jesse's eyes locked with Rachel and he gave her a gentle smirk.

_Now there's a million questions  
I could ask about our lives  
But I only need one answer  
To get me through the night_

Jesse stood up and put the microphone back on the stand, gripping it.

_So baby, can you tell me just where we fit in  
I call it love they call it living in sin  
Is it you and me or just this world we live in  
I say we're living on love they say we're living in sin  
_

He took the microphone off the stand and began walking around the bar, stopping by the ropes of the VIP section.

_Is it right for both our parents  
Who fight it out most nights  
Then pray for God's forgiveness  
When they both turn out the lights  
Or wear that ring of diamonds  
When your heart is made of stone  
You can talk but still say nothing  
You stay together but alone_

_Or is it right to hold you  
And kiss your lips goodnight  
They say the promise is forever  
If you sign it on the dotted line  
_

Blaine jumped out of his seat and walked over to Jesse, where he sang the chorus with Jesse.

_Baby, can you tell me just where we fit in  
I call it love they call it living in sin  
Is it you and me or just this world we live in  
I say we're living on love they say we're living in sin  
Whoa… come on!_

During Dani's guitar solo, Jesse got the audience to cheer for the groom-to-be and hurried back over to the mic stand and put the mic back in its holder.

_Hey baby, can you tell me just where we fit in  
I call it love they call it living in sin  
Is it you and me or just this world we live in  
we're living on love or are we living in sin_

Like as Jon Bon Jovi did in the video, Jesse did the sign of the cross as he sings 'in sin.' He grips the mic stand as he finishes the song

_*brackets are spoken*  
(I don't know)  
just where we fit in  
(Sometimes it scares me)_

_I don't know where to begin  
I don't know where we fit in  
Living in sin  
Oooohhh…  
Ooohhhhh….  
I don't know where to begin…_

The music died down and the crowd, including the New Directions, gave him a standing ovation. He bowed and thanked the crowd. Rachel hugged him when he returned to the group and told him he did an amazing performance. As the rest of the group sang him praise, Rachel made her way to the microphone after whispering something to Dani, who texted Starchild as Rachel situated herself. Rachel moved the stool out of the way and stood at the mic stand. Starchild got up from the piano and walked over to the stool with a type of bongo drum and situated himself beside Dani.

"That's going to be a hard one to follow, isn't it?" Rachel laughed nervously as the crowd cheered at Jesse once again. "I would like to wish my best friend, Kurt and his husband to be a very happy and long marriage filled with all the love in the world."

The audicance cheered as Rachel looked at her friends with a teary smile. It was hard seeing the gang there without her co-leader.

"This song, I wouldn't exactly call it a love song. It is, however, a song that is very true to my heart right now."

She motioned to Dani who began playing the opening chords to "Whataya Want from Me". Rachel closed her eyes and let the words come to her.

_Hey, slow it down  
Whataya want from me  
Whataya want from me  
Yeah, I'm afraid  
Whataya want from me  
Whataya want from me_

_There might have been a time  
When I would give myself away  
Ooh Once upon a time  
I didn't give a damn  
But now here we are  
So whataya want from me  
Whataya want from me_

_Just don't give up  
I'm workin' it out  
Please don't give in  
I won't let you down  
It messed me up, need a second to breathe  
Just keep coming around  
Hey, whataya want from me  
Whataya want from me  
Whataya want from me_

Rachel opened her eyes, tears filling them as her eyes found Jesse's. Their eyes locked and in that moment, the world disappeared, leaving the two of them in their own world.

_Yeah, it's plain to see  
That baby you're beautiful  
And there's nothing wrong with you  
It's me, I'm a freak  
But thanks for lovin' me  
Cause you're doing it perfectly_

Yeah, there might have been a time  
When I would let you slip away  
I wouldn't even try but I think  
You could save my life

Just don't give up  
I'm workin' it out  
Please don't give in  
I won't let you down  
It messed me up, need a second to breathe  
Just keep coming around  
Hey, whataya want from me  
Whataya want from me  
Whataya want from me

Rachel closed her eyes again, this time letting the tears flow from them ever so lightly as Dani and Starchild took over for a moment, her singing lightly as they carried the solo. She took this time to compose herself more than anything.

_Just don't give up on me  
I won't let you down  
No, I won't let you down_

With the solo over, Rachel opened her eyes once again and let her usual performance personality took over. She did, however, keep a calm vibe to the song and refrained from using any high notes.

_Just don't give up  
I'm workin' it out  
Please don't give in  
I won't let you down  
It messed me up, need a second to breathe  
Just keep coming around  
Hey, whataya want from me  
whataya want from me  
whataya want from me_

_oh yeah..  
whataya want from me  
whataya want from me  
whataya want from me  
oh from me_

When the final cords finished, Rachel turned around and thanked Dani and Starchild as the crowd was on their feet in excitement over her emotional performance. She thanked the audience, giving them a small wave as she fought back tears. She headed back to the group where she was welcomed into a group hug from Puck, Kurt, Sam, Blaine, Quinn and Mercedes. The group stayed like this for a moment before Puck slipped away to the stage with his own guitar in hand. Rachel pulled herself away from the group and excused herself outside.

* * *

The cold February wind was bitter that night, nipping at her tear stained face. She silently cursed herself for leaving her jacket inside the bar. Inside, she heard two guitars began to play 'No Surrender' and she smiled at the sky. That song was obviously for Finn. Puck sang it whenever he got the opportunity. She focused out on Puck's voice with a smile. The door behind her opened, however, she was too lost in her own world to notice Brody walk out.

"That was a beautiful performance, Rach," Brody said gently causing Rachel to spin around to face the cocky young man. "I knew it was only a matter of time before you were ready to come back."

Rachel looked at him with absolute confusion, "That wasn't…"

Brody smirked as he approached her, placing his hand gently on her exposed forearm, "You were singing it to me, and I could feel our connection."

"That wasn't for you, McFly," Jesse's voice rang out from the door way.

Jesse was in full St. James mode, arms folded against his chest, face cold and calculated as he stared Brody down with daggers.

"Do you mind?" Brody asked bitterly, "I get she's your co-star and all but right now, this is between her and I. That song was for me and the love her and I share."

Jesse laughed as he walked over to Rachel, draping his leather jacket over her shoulders. Rachel greedily welcomed the heat from the jacket and stepped behind Jesse, wanting to put as much distance between her and Brody as possible. Brody looked perplexed at the gentle interaction between the two friends, from the smiles to the looks to the silent conversations in their eyes. Jesse walked towards Brody, holding his ground, forcing Brody back a few steps.

"You used to have something with Rachel," Jesse snarled, "a New York City style rebound. That's all. I suggest you leave, Brody. I've bested you once, I have no problems doing it again."

Brody laughed, "You can sing with her, you can dance with her, you can kiss her on that stage all you want, but you will never have her."

Rachel sighed in frustration. Before Jesse could make a comeback, Rachel pushed passed him and got pretty much in Brody's face.

"There is nothing between you and me, Brody," Rachel sneered, anger burning in her eyes

"That song…" Brody started confusion still evident in his eyes

Rachel motioned towards Jesse, "was for him. When I am eventually ready to make that move in my life, Brody, I assure you it will not be with you. It has always been and always will be Jesse. He's been there for me for the last few years, even if I wasn't always aware of it."

"You can't be serious," Brody snarled, looking between an infuriated Rachel and an arrogant Jesse. "You are in love with _that_ guy?"

"She never said she was…" Jesse stated, trying to avoid any kind of pain for Rachel

"Yes, I'm in love with him, Brody," Rachel snapped, officially stunning Jesse and leaving Brody speechless. "But that doesn't mean I am ready to be in a relationship. Part of me still loves Finn and always will but there's still a part of me that loves him in a way that isn't ready for me to let go of. Jesse understands that. You never could. Leave me alone, Brody."

Brody tightened his jaw as he looked between the pair, he went to turn around but then looked at them seriously, "This isn't over. This is all because of that fucking production. If it wasn't for _Funny Girl_ she would be mine. I assure to both of you it won't last long. I will have my girl back."

With that, Brody disappeared. Rachel rolled her eyes and groaned in frustration. She wasn't afraid of Brody. She knew he was all words and no action.

"You always know how to bring the crazy out in guys, don't you?" Jesse asked breaking the ice.

Rachel spun around and looked at Jesse, fear in her eyes, "That's not funny."

"Yes it is," Jesse said softly, opening his arms to her, which she happily stepped into.

Applause broke out in the bar behind them, signaling Puck's performance was done. Rachel smiled into Jesse's chest. Rachel's eyes found the sky once more when she noticed it had begun to snow. She smiled brightly. The snow beaming off the empty New York City ally way lights casted a beautiful backdrop. Rachel heard the piano playing the opening of 'Seasons of Love'. She knew all of the New Direction members were up singing their own dedication for Finn. It never failed that the group would honour their fallen member, even at a time like a Wedding. She could imagine Kurt making the suggestion. One thing he made clear was that throughout the Wedding events, he wanted to make sure his big step-brother wasn't forgotten.

"They sound wonderful, don't they?" Rachel asked

"They did win a national championship," he replied softly, rubbing her back, "I would imagine they would. But yes, they do. Would you like to go in and watch them?"

"I can see them," Rachel turned her head, looking into the window, "Right there, see?"

"So you can," there was a moment of silence between them. Jesse finally took a deep breath and leaned his head against hers, "Your song was beautiful."

Rachel stiffened slightly, remembering what she had said to Brody in the heat of the moment. She meant what she had said. She did love Jesse. She loved him a lot but there was a lot about it that she wasn't ready for. Part of her was terrified of what it meant, what it could mean and what expectations go along with it. She still loved Finn and missed him dearly every day. If it wasn't for Jesse, she wondered how she would even have the strength to get up every morning, let alone _live._ She was still adjusting to the fact that she would never see him again and that all her plans she had made were gone. She was terrified that Jesse was going to see the situation as that she was ready. She was also terrified that she would lose him in the way she lost Finn and that made it all that much harder. She was barely surviving Finn's death. If she lost him as well, losing both men that meant that much to her would do her in. She wasn't prepared to be that vulnerable. She wasn't ready for any of it.

Noticing the silence from the petite woman in his arms, Jesse kissed the top of her head and spoke from his heart. "I know you meant it, Rachel and like you told Brody, you're not ready and I respect that. I am never going to pressure you or push you. I love with every fiber of my being. For me, you're it. I am never going to want or need another. If I am waiting sixty years than I'll wait sixty years. I just want to see you happy and live a life you are proud of. If you smile once every day, than I am as happy as I could ever be."

Rachel broke down part way through his speech and soaked his shirt. Jesse let her sob and was thankful that if was black so no stains could be noticed. Mercedes was singing next which made Rachel smile through the fabric. Jesse knew there was some sort of significance in the song but chose not to badger about it. A few minutes passed and Rachel glanced up at Jesse.

"I did mean it," she choked out. "I do but I'm just..."

"'Not there yet," Jesse finished as he wiped the tears from her eyes. "I know. This right here, right now, is more than enough for me."

Rachel forced a smile and kissed his the corner of his mouth and cheek, "how about we go back inside, talk about all of this another time? I think I have another song in me. Would you sing with me? We can dedicate one to them?"

Jesse smile and nodded. "Lead the way, beautiful."

* * *

Rachel took Jesse's hand and led him inside. The stage was presently empty so the pair walked over to it and split up, each going to either Dani or Starchild and whispered the name of the song. Rachel grabbed an extra mic and stood at the centre of the small stage with Jesse at her flank.

"Love. That is what we are here to celebrate this evening," Rachel started, getting the attention of the crowd. "There is no doubt that the husbands to be are simply one of the most beautiful couples I've ever been blessed enough to meet. Their tale of love lost and found again is not only beautiful but inspiring. They have shown me that love can overcome just about anything. The song that my co-star Mr. Jesse St James himself and I will be performing a slightly newer song than what we usually do."

"Britney!" Brittany exclaimed

"Katy Perry," Mercedes piped up. "I bet you $20 bucks."

"$50 it's Lady Gaga's _You and I_," Kurt stated, throwing a fifty onto the table.

Puck studied the pair, focusing on Rachel. He could see the bashfulness in her eyes. Only one song could make her look like that.

"$100 bucks says it's that song Avril Lavigne does with her husband from that Canadian band" Puck threw out there only to receive a chorus of disagreements. Five people took that bet.

"Kurt, Blaine," Jesse chimed in, a smile on his face, "This one is for you."

Starchild began playing a soft melody; Jesse and Rachel locked eyes with one another. Over at the VIP area, Puck threw his hands up in the air, stood up and bowed at the group who were cursing at Puck, convinced Rachel told him the song, which he adamantly denied.

Rachel:  
_Love that once hung on the wall  
Used to mean something, but now it means nothing  
The echoes are gone in the hall  
But I still remember, the pain of December_

_Oh, there isn't one thing left you could say  
I'm sorry it's too late_

Rachel with Jesse:  
_I'm breaking free from these memories  
Gotta let it go, just let it go  
I've said goodbye  
Set it all on fire  
Gotta let it go, just let it go_

Jesse leaned forward and kissed Rachel's cheek, causing a bit of a rise from the audience.

Jesse:  
_You came back to find I was gone  
And that place is empty, like the hole that was left in me  
Like we were nothing at all  
It's not that you meant to me  
Thought we were meant to be_

_Oh, there isn't one thing left you could say  
I'm sorry it's too late_

Rachel wrapped her arm around the side of Jesse's waist and lost herself in the music.

Rachel with Jesse:  
_I'm breaking free from these memories  
Gotta let it go, just let it go  
I've said goodbye  
Set it all on fire  
Gotta let it go, just let it go  
_  
The two faced each other and sang like they once did during _Hello 12, Hello 13._

Rachel (Jesse):  
_I let it go, (and now I know)  
A brand new life, (this tale is rude)  
Where it's right, (you always know)  
So this time, (I won't let go)_

Rachel blew a kiss to her grooms-to-be friends, then grabbed Jesse's hand. The realization that this song was a little more personal than she would have originally admitted dawned on her.

Rachel:  
_There's only one thing left here to say  
Love's never too late_

_Rachel with Jesse:  
I've broken free from these memories  
I've let it go, I've let it go  
And two goodbyes, lend you this new life  
Don't let me go, don't let me go_

Jesse stepped back a few steps and let Rachel finish of the song in centre of attention.

Rachel:  
_Oooh ooohhh  
ooooohhh ooohhhh  
Don't let me go, don't let me go, don't let me go_

The crowd cheered enthusiastically. Kurt rushed up to the stage and wrapped his arms around his best friend, hugging her tightly. She followed him off stage, Jesse behind them to their group of friends. Puck was harassing Sam for the money from the bet, Mercedes was urging Sam to let go of his pride and pay up. Will and Emma simply engaged in light conversation with Quinn and the others, mostly just allowing their former students to bond. This was what Will had missed most about this group of students. The night was a late one. The group didn't leave the bar until closing at 2am. Most of the group, Rachel included, were slightly intoxicated.

* * *

The following morning, Rachel awoke to find Kurt, Mercedes, Quinn and Blaine nursing cups of coffee in the living room, all apparently hung over from the night before. Rachel simply grunted a morning to the group as Rosalie handed her a cup of coffee of her own along with an Advil. She nodded in thanks and sat down beside Quinn who simply rested her head on her shoulder. The group was engaged in a conversation about the Wedding and what to expect the next few days. Today, the group was all going to see _Funny Girl's _evening performance. Rachel questioned this since they would be seeing it later that week, however, the group insisted. Rachel decided not to question it anymore. Frankly, she was simply too hung over to pay attention. Puck came into the room and plopped beside Rachel, seemingly unaffected by the amount of alcohol consumed the night before.

"Veteran drinker?" Rachel whispered to Puck who laughed, "Pointers?"

"I would say greasy food but you don't eat meat or eggs," he pointed out. "Coffee and water I guess. Or just get drunk again."

Rachel playfully hit Puck, "Think a shower would help?"

Puck wiggled his eyes playfully, "Rachel! I thought you'd never ask."

Rachel got up and rolled her eyes, "You wish."

Puck stuck his tongue out at his friend and began chatting with Sam, who came into the room wearing sunglasses. Quinn jumped off the couch, followed by Mercedes and followed Rachel. The girls began talking semi-enthusiastically about the walk-in-closet they heard so much about. Once inside, Quinn and Mercedes went nuts. The girls barely heard the sound of a male singing from the bathroom on the other side of the closet. Quinn turned around and looked at the other two girls. They all nodded in agreement and slowly made their way towards the washroom. The invisible door was opened.

"The doors open," Mercedes whispered, "Think it's safe to go in there?"

"It's probably just one of the guys shaving or something," Quinn responded, feeling Kurt come up behind her. "Escaped the gang?"

"Yes, I needed something from Rachel's bathroom before she showered," Kurt responded, "What are you guys doing?"

"Debating going in or not," Rachel whispered.

Kurt rolled his eyes and pushed the door the rest of the way open. The four of them entered the bathroom and gasped. In front of them, shaving… naked… was Jesse. Rachel, Mercedes and Kurt all stared with a mix of shock and admiration at the naked form in front of them. Quinn eyed the man and smirked.

"So that's what you've been hiding all this time, Rach," Quinn quipped, "It's no wonder you've kept him locked up."

Jesse went into St. James mode and turned towards the group, grabbing a towel to wrap around his waist, the look on his face was of sheer arrogance, "Like what you see?"

This snapped the three stunned ones back to earth. Rachel turned thirty shades of red and scurried into "her" room, followed by Merecedes, who kept looking back to try to get another look, mumbling something about how he was nearly as fine as Sam. Kurt blushed slightly and walked over to a shelf, grabbed a small container and excited the room without another word. Quinn stood in the same spot, a smile on her face.

"The door was open," she said simply, "Rachel was coming in here to shower, we were checking out the closet and heard you singing. Curiosity has always been a weakness for us. My apologies, and I'm sure the others send the same."

"I doubt they're complaining," he responded, wiping the left over shaving cream from his face, "I should probably go make sure Rachel is alright."

Quinn coughed, causing Jesse to stop short of the bathroom door, "Like that?"

Jesse looked down and winked at the blonde girl, "I walk around in my boxers all the time, I doubt a towel will bother her."

"You'd be surprised," she replied, following him out the door. "Good luck with that. I think I am going to just stay back here and take a look around. If Rachel needs me, let her know I am in here, alright?"

"No problem," Jesse said as he excited the closet, only to appear a few seconds later. "Just out of curiosity, how come you're the only one who didn't react?"

Quinn smiled, looking through the variety of shoes and boots Rachel had collected, "I'm with someone back at Yale."

"Didn't stop Kurt," Jesse called out, heading towards the bedroom across the private hallway, "I'm just saying!"

Quinn shook her head and laugh. She paused for a moment and once she was sure she was safely alone, she let her face show her appreciation for his form and mouthed wow.

Meanwhile, in the bedroom, Rachel had her head buried under a pillow. Mercedes had returned to the main living area and was presently hiding on the terrace with Kurt, who was being probed for details of the events from Blaine, Puck and Brittany. Jesse smirked to himself when he found Rachel hiding. He walked over to his dresser and pulled on a pair of sweatpants, letting them sit low on his waist. He walked over to the bed and laid down beside Rachel, rubbing the small of her back softly.

"I'm sorry about that, Rach," he whispered softly. "I thought I closed the door."

Rachel simply nodded, which made Jesse laugh lightly.

"Who's more embarrassed, you or me?"

"Me," she mumbled

"Why would you be embarrassed? You didn't just have your naked body gawked at by the woman you love and three of her friends," he stated causing her to laugh, "Mercedes seemed to appreciate it, actually."

Rachel turned around onto her back, her face bright red.

"Oh don't look so bashful, Miss Berry," Jesse teased. "Think of it as preparation for Spring Awakening."

Rachel's eyes widened, "You are never totally naked for that!"

"No, but you do get to expose some of cleavage," he pointed out, "I think the only ones who really see my naked ass will be the ones with balcony seats, assuming we do the theatre production. The movie… maybe it'll be complete Sons of Anarchy-esque."

Rachel laughed, "Oh plan on giving Jax a run for his money?"

"I'm Jesse St. James," Jesse said mockingly, sitting up to flex. "It gets no better than this!"

Rachel hit him in the side with a pillow. Jesse quickly grabbed another one and together, the two engaged into a full blown pillow fight. After a solid ten minutes, Jesse grabbed the pillow Rachel was using as her weapon, threw it to the floor along with his and pinned her down, tickling her. When she finally cried for mercy, he eased up and laid back on the bed, laughing, staring at the ceiling. These were moments that he cherished. Rachel climbed up beside him, snaking herself around him, and laid her head on his chest. Jesse wrapped his arm around her and the two fell into a peaceful, pre-show slumber.

* * *

Okay. I admit it, I got carried away with this chapter. I just couldn't stop writing. I really hope you guys like it!

Songs:  
Living in Sin – Bon Jovi  
Whataya Want From Me – Adam Lambert  
Let Me Go – Avril Lavigne feat Chad Kroger

Read and review my lovelies! Happy times all around... as we all know though, Happy times don't always last without some drama :O

Next Chapter: More Wedding Celebrations...

and have we seen the end of Brody?


	13. Material Girl

_Yes, yes I know. Horribly late. Don't shoot me. I had the absolute worst week ever. Everything that could have happened, did. I took an evening to myself Saturday to unwind and went to a super cool Halloween event here in Toronto, Canada (well, outskirts; At Wonderland). It really helped me recharge and let me write again. I tried writing all week but with the final destruction of my muse, I just couldn't. So I apologize greatly._

_Please read and review. I would like to make it to 100 reviews by Chapter 20! Yes, there will be that many, plus so much more. I might give the story a whole new name and break it into parts, starting with Part One being We Could Have Had it All. We'll see though._

_On another note, it is the 21st of October and I have gotten over 6,000 views this month alone. Thank you guys. I love you all so much 3_

_Ashleigh, she would be portrayed by Whitney Thompson, the plus size model who won America's Next Top Model season 10. She is simply beautiful and I have been a fan of hers for years. She recently signed a big deal contact so I'm excited about it. She's amazing and would be perfect for Ashleigh. Just add the tattoos and go with her when she has brown hair and we're set._

_Yes, a dream sequence. I am watching The Power of Madonna and it's such an inspiration how they did "Like a Virgin" and the side scenes of "Total Eclipse of the Heart". I may just do more of these in the future. They're fun to write and let me break format, which sometimes, is refreshing._

_Now, some of this may seem out there and unrealistic but that's Glee for you. In what world would Rachel have landed the role of Fanny Brice with no experience, in her first year on Broadway? Seems pretty unlikely and impossible to me. But that's what we love about Glee, isn't it? The impossible seems so obtainable._

_I know I have had a few things pointed out, errors if you will. I will go back and fix things when I get a chance. Last chapter, the fun at Callbacks happened Sunday, not Saturday. Thanks to my lovely reviewer for pointing that out. Other things I will fix as well._

_I own nothing but Ashleigh and the new world Ryan Murphy's creations live in._

_Read and review lovelies._

* * *

**Chapter 13  
Material Girl**

The wedding events were in full effect; Monday morning came with a vengeance and everyone was arriving… well, the whole of the Wedding Party along with family members and their closest friends. Most of the original New Directions were staying at the penthouse, even if it meant crashing on couches and sleeping on the floor. Sunday night, Puck decided to pitch a small tent in the living room. An act everyone found to be amusing. Monday was set to be the rehearsal dinner and as a result, everyone was running around like chickens with their heads cut off. The Wedding Party also had appointments to get their dresses fitted a final time. The girls were in love with their dresses, done by Kurt himself. Jesse was scrambling to figure out what to do with his Glee team back home. Ashleigh was heading to New York, where she would be staying permanently due to the fact that she had been signed to a modeling agency. He had been hosting Skype interview/auditions for a fill in to no avail.

The group at the bridal store were busily trying on their dresses, while Blaine and Kurt sat in the chairs of 's vault awaiting their arrival. The mix of squeals and laughter made Kurt smile, he was ecstatic that the girls were having fun and enjoying themselves. Kurt sighed happily as he began to day dream.

* * *

***Dream Sequence***

Quinn was looking in the mirror, standing in her strapless bra and jeans while Mercedes slid into the change room and gave her friend a hug. Music filled the space around them. Quinn continued staring at her reflection with a smile on her face as words easily flowed from her lips.

Quinn: (with Blaine/Kurt)  
_Some boys kiss me, some boys hug me  
I think they're O.K.  
If they don't give me proper credit  
(I just walk away)_

Mercedes looked over at Quinn and smiled as she slid into a red gown.

Mercedes: (with Blaine/Kurt) ((with all New Direction girls/Dani))  
_They can beg and they can plead  
But they can't see the light, ((that's right))  
'Cause the boy with the cold hard cash  
(Is always Mister Right,) (('cause we are))_

Kurt and Blaine are sitting in the chairs outside of the dressing rooms moving their feet to the music before Kurt pulls Blaine up to dance, as Quinn and Mercedes dance their way out of the dressing room, with flashes to the other girls as they change.

New Directions w/ Dani: (Quinn)  
_Living in a material world  
And I am a material girl  
(You know that we) are living in a material world  
And I am a material girl_

Santana and Dani are getting ready, playfully posing in front of the mirrors as the song continues. The girls dance their way out of the change rooms to join the others as they sing.

Santana:  
_Some boys romance, some boys slow dance  
That's all right with me  
If they can't raise my interest then I  
(Have to let them be)_

Dani: ((New Direction girls))  
_Some boys try and some boys lie but  
I don't let them play ((no way))  
Only boys who save their pennies  
(Make my rainy day,) 'cause they are_

The group is dancing around the vault and with each other, taking turns with the grooms-to-be and singing while playing around with the various accessories around them; flashes relaying to the rest of the girls getting ready

New Directions w/ Dani: (Santana)  
_Living in a material world  
And I am a material girl  
(You know that) we are living in a material world  
And I am a material girl_

Tina and Sugar make their way into the dancing space and each grabbed a groom to dance with quickly before scurrying off to fool around in the vault.

New Directions w/ Dani: (Tina)  
_Living in a material world  
And I am a material girl  
(You know that) we are living in a material world  
And I am a material girl_

As the music break occurs, it flashes to Rachel skimming out of her street clothes and slowly into her gown; occasionally flashing to the grooms to be and back to Rachel.

Kurt and Blaine (Rachel):  
_Living in a material world (material)  
Living in a material world  
Living in a material world (material)  
Living in a material world_

Rachel slid out of her chance room and joined in on the celebration happening in the vaults main area, taking lead of the song.

Rachel: (Kurt and Blaine)  
_Boys may come and boys may go  
And that's all right you see  
Experience has made me rich  
(And now they're after me), 'cause everybody's_

Rachel stood on a chair, followed by various members of the female half of New Direction girls, singing.

New Direction w/ Dani: (Rachel)  
_Living in a material world  
And I am a material girl  
(You know that we) are living in a material world  
And I am a material girl_

_Living in a material world  
And I am a material girl  
(You know that we) are living in a material world  
And I am a material girl_

Rachel laid across the chairs dramatically, playing with a long pearl necklace that seemingly came out of nowhere.

Rachel:  
_A material, a material, a material, a material world_

Rachel was pulled up by Blaine and together, the entire group engaged in a group freestyle dance like they were at prom.

Kurt/Blaine: (Rachel)  
_Living in a material world (material)  
Living in a material world  
Living in a material world (material)  
Living in a material world  
Living in a material world (material)  
Living in a material world_

_[repeats as dream sequence fades]_

Kurt shook his head as Blaine notified him that the girls were ready to start modeling their gowns. Though, he was a little sad to realize that the song had merely been a product of his day dreaming. He missed singing with his ladies.

Quinn and Mercedes were the first ones to make an appearance. All the dresses were red and floor length due to the bitter New York weather. Quinn's was an chiffon/satin A-line gown with an natural waist and strapless sweetheart neckline, detailed with diamond/beading flower sitting at the waist while Mercedes was a chiffon A-line dress with a natural waist with a one shoulder neckline on the right side. The shoulder strap was embellished with a floral ruching and a beaded/diamond embellishment at the waist much like Quinn's.

"Beautiful," Blaine said enthusiastically, "Simply gorgeous. I mean look at you two."

Kurt stood up and began to study the girls. He nodded over to the team of seamstresses and began informing them of minor changes.

"Quinn's here needs to be taken in just a smidgen, I want to see it hug her more," Kurt was in full designer mode. Blaine watched with love and admiration in his eyes as he watched his fiancé come alive. "As for Mercedes' dress, everything looks fantastic. What do you ladies think?"

"I love this, Kurt," Quinn exclaimed. "You seriously designed these?"

Kurt smiled, "Of course. I wasn't going too but Isabella simply insisted that I give it a whirl. Her and my wedding planner simply loved it."

Mercedes looked around. "Shouldn't your Wedding Planner be here? Did you hire a big name one?"

Kurt grimaced at the realization. "No, I decided to hire an up and coming one. She's not here. Oh my god, you're right. Where is she?"

"Kurt, right?" A voice called out softly behind them. Kurt spun around to come face to face with the curvy brunette that had been with vocal adrenaline at the memorial service. "A young lady came to the door a few minutes after I arrived. Jesse was in an interview and I have no idea where everyone else was. She told me to give you this."

Ashleigh handed Kurt the large binder and other various small books as his eyes widened, "What did she say to you?"

"'Tell Kurt I am so sorry. I couldn't handle the pressure anymore. I am not risking my career on a nobody.'"

Everyone looked dumbfounded.

"If anyone is a nobody, it's her," Kurt mumbled then looked overly stressed. "Where am I going to find a new Wedding Planner to help with everything this week? I still have so much that needs to be done and I don't know what she hasn't done. What am I going to do? Oh Blaine, what if we have to postpone…"

"She was a Wedding Planner?" Ashleigh asked timidly.

"Yes," Kurt responded then realized the look in her eyes, "You've done work as an event planner, haven't you?"

Ashleigh nodded nervously, "Yes. I went to Champlain College for Event Management then did a three year internship with Mindy Weiss."

Kurt squealed excitedly, "The Mindy Weiss? Oh I wanted her so badly to do this Wedding but she was booked up. Tell me what Wedding you helped with that truly stands out in your mind."

Ashleigh thought for a moment then smiled, "December 17th, 2011. McLean/Karidis Wedding. Very gothic, very rock and roll. Very much how I would want my Wedding if I ever got remarried."

"McLean as in AJ McLean of the Backstreet Boys?" Quinn inquired, Ashleigh nodded, "Wow, that's pretty amazing."

"I can take over, if you'd like. I mean, I left the world after some drama with my ex-husband but I am more than willing to help."

"Are you serious?" Kurt asked, eyes lighting up. "You would do that?"

"Not all of us St. James' are assholes, ya know. Just the males," Ashleigh laughed, "Besides, I've missed it. I did come to New York to model but who knows where I can go with this. Maybe I can jump back on the saddle."

Kurt and Blaine hugged the brunette excitedly, grateful that she was willing to help them. Blaine suddenly became stiff when he realized he had never met the young woman before, noting that he had simply seen her at the memorial.

"Um, pardon me for asking this so abruptly, but who are you?" Blaine asked pulling away from the girl.

Ashleigh giggled lightly, flashing a brilliant smile, "I'm Ashleigh St. James. Kid sister to the ever intense and over dramatic Jesse St. James and former coach of Vocal Adrenaline."

"Well, Ashleigh, tell me what do you think of these two fabulous ladies?" Kurt asked standing in between his creations.

Ashleigh looked the girls over, making a mental note of anything. She made a complete 360 around them then stopped when she returned to the front of them.

"Beautiful," she stated simply, "I like the embellishments on the waist, it's a nice touch. You did well, Hummel."

He raised his eyebrow at her, "How did you know?"

Ashleigh smirked, "I read religiously. A rocker tomboy I may be but my heart lives with Fashion and design. Like my brother, everything I wear is designer. Besides, what kind of planner would I be if I didn't know of all the latest happenings in the Wedding world?"

Quinn and Mercedes offered smiles and sat down beside the threesome as they waited for the next group, which happened to be Tina and Sugar. Tina was wearing a dress similar to Quinn's with an empire waist and a small slit that went up to her knee while Sugar's was an A-line dress like the others, with a halter style sweetheart neckline and empire waist. Both embellishments were on the side like the others had been.

"Very nice, ladies," Quinn quipped, "love how you've included an embellishment on everyone's."

"I wanted some unity besides colour," Kurt stated as he walked around, examining the dresses, "the embellishment right over here needs to be fixed up, that's sloppy. If you could get them on that, I'd like it approved before Saturday please."

The seamstress Kurt had called Trish earlier, nodded and took some notes on her tablet, including a photo of the embellishment on Tina's dress. She followed Kurt as he walked around Sugar. He stopped when he got back to the front and studied the slit.

"Right here, bring it up a bit. I want it to sit about here. It seems a tad awkward where it is" Kurt stated, showing Trish than looked up at Sugar. "Is that okay Sug?"

Sugar smiled brightly, "Of course. I've never shied away from a little sexiness."

Kurt nodded, "Other than that, they're great. Do you like them?"

"I do!" Sugar exclaimed, "I have worn dresses from every designer imaginable and honestly, this  
stands out.

This made Kurt beam. He had been nervous when Isabelle insisted he use this opportunity to create his own designs.

"It's amazing, as always," Tina said, giving Kurt a kiss on the cheek before finding a seat with the others.

Next had been Santana and Dani. Dani's dress was also an A-line strapless dress with a natural waist. Her embellishment was smaller and sat around her waist where a delicate bit of fabric dangled from it like the end of a ribbon. Santana's was almost exactly the same as Dani's, however hers had a halter sweetheart neckline with a natural waist. Her embellishment sat mid-waist at the side, though slightly more centred than the others with her fabric falling down the centre of the gown, giving it an almost layered look.

"I like how theirs is so close," Ashleigh noted with a grin. "You two make a beautiful couple."

"Thank you," said Dani sweetly, "I was nervous since I generally stay away from anything overly girlie, but this is beautiful."

"You did well, Lady Hummel," Santana quipped.

Kurt did his rounds and determined that everything was well done and let the girls go sit down, however, Santana had to run in order to make it to Pennsylvania for a show. Dani found a spot beside Quinn who was eager to make the girl comfortable in the group. Dani appreciated in greatly since she had only known the New York gang well.

Next was Rachel, her dress, like the others, had a sweetheart neckline. Hers, however, was a sheath silhouette with an elaborate diamond embellishment in the centre of the gown, sitting just below the bust and diamond/beading along the top of the neckline and around the back of the gown. The beading and diamonds were a mix of white and light pink coloring.

"There's my beautiful maid of honour!" Kurt exclaimed hugging his best friend, "Let me take a look at you sweetheart."

Kurt walked around her, determination in his eyes, "This is one of my signature pieces, a statement piece for the line."

"It's breathtaking, really," Sugar exclaimed in awe, "That's magnificent. Remind me to order something like this off you. I would love something this unique for prom and graduation."

Kurt nodded and tugged lightly at the gown, studying the length. He motioned for Trish.

"The length has to come up a bit. The dress is going to drown the poor girl, she is petite," Kurt stated as Trish made her notes. "She shouldn't be swimming in it. Also, bring it in at the waist a bit."

Rachel blushed and Kurt gave her a knowing look, but decided he would discuss the matter with her in a less public manner.

"Of course, Mr. Hummel," Trish responded, doing her pictures and the like, "Anything else?"

"For this piece, no," he stated, "Rachel, what do you think?"

"I'm in love with it," Rachel exclaimed dreamily, spinning in the gown, "I think you will have to design all my gowns for me."

"I can do that," Kurt responded with a smile and a hug, "You know I'd be honoured. Trish is going to stand over here with you and get the measurements she needs, alright?"

Rachel nodded and gave her best friend another excited embrace before sliding away to just beside the group to get her alterations noted. Following Rachel was Carol, who Kurt designed a beautiful mother of the groom gown for. Her dress was a V-neck free flowing gown with a natural waist made of charmeuse chiffon. The dress was full length and was a black ombre print on a rose base. There was diamond beading along the neckline. Along with the gown was matching jacket with a flowy design and ¾ length sleeves. It was Kurt's most stunning piece. Everyone was speechless, while Carol's eyes were filled with tears. Following the death of her biological son, Kurt had asked Carol to stand with him as his mother. She was honored and accepted with many tears to be shed.

"Wow," Rachel whispered, almost speechless, "Kurt, that's… gorgeous."

Kurt was releasing Carol from an emotional hug when he turned towards his maid of honor, "I knew hers had to be special, just as each of yours has something unique about yours. My dad has a suit especially designed for him as well. I had wanted to do something special for Blaine's parents, however, they respectfully declined. His mother simply refused to wear anything that wasn't Versace."

"Thank you, Kurt," Carol said, smiling through tears, "This is more than I could have ever asked for. With Finn being gone, I never thought… thank you. You have got a real talent."

"Yes, he does," Isabelle smiled as she entered the room with a blonde woman who caused every fashion-knowing female, and males, to become frozen. "Stand up, ladies, let's take a look at what we have here. Sara, what do you think?"

"Sarah… Sarah Burton of Alexander McQueen?" Kurt asked, obviously in a state of disbelief. "It's… it's an honor."

"Pleasure to meet you, Mr. Hummel," she replied softly with a smile, "When Isabelle came to me and asked if I would be willing to help with shoes and bags for the wedding party, I could not resist."

She walked passed Ashleigh and paused, she studied the girl. She was wearing a floral skull rock vest shirt along with a pair of skin tight leather trousers. She was wearing a pair of slouchy knee-high armadillo boots which her pants were tucked into. Around her neck was a brass skull pendant with clear crystal detail, two crystal skill cocktail rings on her hands, one on each and a flower stud leather double wrap skull bracelet on her right wrist.

"Well, hello Ashleigh," Sarah said exchanging a double cheek kiss with the young woman, "I can see you appreciate the latest line. Which bag do you have with you today?"

"Stud lined skull," Ashleigh replied simply, pointing to the bag beside her chair, "Paired with the wide sleeve coat. I love the Autumn/Winter line. As did my brother."

"So I can see," Sarah responded, studying the young lady. "I trust Jesse is well. What brings you to New York?"

"Originally, modeling. Recently signed to Ford Plus," Ashleigh replied beaming ear to ear. "However, depending on how things go, I may consider planning events again. I could probably manage both with careful planning."

"Tell your agent to give me a call. I could use you on the runway. You wear the line well." she stated. "Tell your mother and brother I say hello, would you?"

"Of course and thank you very much."

Kurt gave Ashleigh a stunned look, as did the others at the natural, friendly interaction with the famed fashion designer, though Kurt decided he would question her about it later. Sarah began to walk around the girls and Carol, taking her time with each gown, carefully examining the details, the craftsmanship and designs. She and Isabella would whisper to each other, smiles on both of their faces. Kurt stood with Ashleigh and Blaine, feeling as though he was about to pass out.

"Ashleigh, dear, come here please," said Sarah, summoning the girl to her side, "What do you think of these young man's designs?"

All colour disappeared from Kurt's face. Ashleigh swallowed hard and gave him a semi panicked yet reassuring look.

"While they are not in my normal style, I do love the designs," Ashleigh stated simply, going into a different mode. "He made them elegant, sophisticated yet fun without being overly girlie. Rachel's over here, I would wear to any major event while I could take any of these designs and get them shortened just a touch and wear it to any formal party where I wanted to dance or even in the warmer climates. Very versatile, which is wonderful. I especially love the details on Dani and Santana's (which was hanging on a mannequin) dress. Very nice yet doesn't over power the design. The unity of the dresses also impresses me. It's something that signifies that specific line, which again is always very important. You could see these in a sea of gowns and point to it and say 'that's a Hummel design'. To me that's critical. Especially for any up and coming designer. He knows how to dress anyone from the petite to the modelesque to the fuller figure, which will sit well with many consumers and celebrities. With that said, I do believe he has a lot to learn, however, he is well on his way for making a name for himself. I would personally be happy to wear his designs. I'm confident my mother would love the piece on Mrs. Hudson-Hummel."

Kurt held his breath as he studied Sarah's reaction to what the young woman had to say. Ashleigh was honest and well informed in her critic and Kurt had taken in each word. He was thankful for her honesty. The vault was silent while Sarah made her rounds alone. Isabelle nodded at Kurt, offering him some relaxation. Sarah came to a stop at Carol and nodded with an ever so slight smirk.

"Well, Miss St. James, I agree," Sarah stated causing everyone to perk up excitedly and Kurt to sigh in relief, hugging his husband to be. "You do still have a great deal to learn, as Ashleigh said, however you are well on your way. I look forward to seeing you here in New York and Paris for Fashion Week in the years to come."

"Thank you, thank you so much, Mrs. Burton," Kurt said enthusiastically as he shook the woman's hand.

Sarah nodded, "Now, shall we get these ladies outfitted?"

The rest of the day went on in a blur; the girls were lost in the whirlwind of being outfitted by Sarah Burton, the woman who had designed Kate Middleton`s Wedding Dress. The trip back to the hotels and penthouse was full of energy and excitement. It was five in the afternoon when they all arrived back to their respected places, giving them just an hour and a half to get themselves ready and get to the venue in time for the rehearsal. Ashleigh had disappeared during the outfitting's to Isabelle's office where she scrambled to make sense of the work the previous planner had done. Much to the panic of Kurt, a lot had been left undone. Only the venue, cake, music and food had been ordered and confirmed. As it stood at that very moment, there were four full days before the Wedding and a million things needed to be completed. Ashleigh was going to need a miracle to get everything completed, especially without a team.

Ashleigh sat back in Isabelle's chair and sighed in frustration. How was she going to manage this? Then she thought. She was a St. James, she was a member of an elite family around these parts. Her family was well known and respected by anyone who was anyone. She grabbed her laptop from her bag and powered it up. The Wedding reception was to take place at The Plaza on Fifth Avenue, something Ashleigh was grateful for. She had a beautiful place where she could weave her magic. Her eyes gazed outside the window when something came to mind. One of the colleges she had looked at before deciding on Champlain was Niagara University. She grabbed her iPhone and dialed a number, a good friend of the families worked as the Dean for the Program. She waited for the phone to connect and it rang three times.

"Well hello, Miss. Ashleigh St. James," the voice rang out, "How have you been? Recently signed to Ford, I hear."

"Yes," Ashleigh responded. "I need your help. I recently got thrown the wedding event between Mr. Kurt Hummel and Blaine Anderson, I am sure you have heard of it."

"Yes," the woman sounded confused, "One of my students, Rebecca Mason received the honour of getting the event."

"She bailed this morning. I need a team."

"I will have to have a few words with Miss. Mason it would seem," the older woman murmured, "How many?"

"Considering your student left me with pretty much the entire wedding to plan, aside from venue, I would say a lot."

"Fantastic," the woman mumbled sarcastically, "Well, if anyone can pull it off, it's you. That surname of yours opens doors. I will send you a team first thing. I can arrange to have the school cover costs."

"No, of course not. I will book them rooms at The Plaza where the event is taking place. I am aware that my brother has already booked a good deal of rooms so I will arrange to have a few more added. It won't be an issue at all."

"Alright, I will deal with Rebecca and get a team there as soon as possible," the woman said, "Good luck and I look forward to seeing the mastery piece you create."

"Thanks Trish," Ashleigh said, pressing end on the call.

She sighed heavily and looked at the work in front of her, "What have I gotten myself into?"

* * *

_Uh oh. Poor Ashleigh! Can she pull it off? I mean, she has too, right? Next Chapter includes the rehearsal dinner and other Wedding Celebrations._

_Songs:_

_Material Girl - Madonna._

_Read and review lovelies._


	14. My Immortal

_Yes, yes, yes. I know I promised to make two updates this past week and only got around to one. Life has been crazy busy for me. I am going back to school to get a Bachelor's degree in Marketing so I had a lot of running around to do. I have to do a few pre-req classes before I start so I still have a few months of freedom from that._

_I will try to make frequent updates as I can. I do have more juices flowing so I will try to keep up with that as best I can. _

_This one is one of my shorter ones but I left it with a cliff hanger and a lot of questions. Someone from the past came and shook things up a bit. Another dream sequence in this one with Rachel singing one of my favorite songs ever._

_I own nothing, just Ashleigh and the new world they live in._

_Read and review lovlies!_

* * *

**Chapter 14  
My Immortal**

"What do you mean they don't have a rehearsal dinner booked?" Isabelle shouted in disbelief.

"This woman was an idiot. She did nothing and was probably paid a lot," Ashleigh said as she sorted through her mounds of paper. Isabelle had given her an empty office space to work in find the time being. "I have an hour to pull something off. Just let me make some calls."

Isabelle paced the office, trying to come up with solutions. There were many great places in New York to eat however having a vegan proved to make it difficult. Isabelle was about to turn around when Ashleigh beamed.

"Reservation for the group at 8:30 at none other than Kajitsu," Ashleigh leaned back in her chair. "Private area as well."

Isabelle looked at the girl in disbelief, "how did you manage that one?"

"Threw the words St. James and Vogue around," she answered as she gathered her stuff together. "Amazing what can come of it. Another item off the list. Now to head to The Plaza to start sorting out the entire lack of anything done there. I'll see you later and thank you, for the office."

Isabelle shook her head, "it's not an issue. A lot is riding on this event. I have faith in you."

Ashleigh grinned in appreciation and hurried out of the building into the blistering cold. She opted to avoid the traffic and headed into the subway. She had a lot to do and not a whole heck of a lot of time to do it in. But if she could Rangel in a group of teenage egos, then she should be able to pull this off.

* * *

**Plaza Hotel**

The group gathered at the plaza hotel, anxious for the events to begin. The grand room had a makeshift layout of the set up for Saturday. Just chairs and carpets laid out. The grand display Ashleigh had planned would rock the socks off everyone. She sat in a chair in the back of the room, carefully sketching out her vision while busily making calls from her Bluetooth with the help of Siri. The ladies ha arrived promptly after a late lunch with Kurt and Blaine at a small vegan restaurant on the Upper East Side. Rachel sat with Ashleigh, watching her as she drew - mesmerized by the work being done. Ashleigh was a brilliant artist. Art truly was heavily impeded into the St. James family line.

Through conversation with Ashleigh, Rachel discovered that his parents had both been artists at one point or another. While his dad was a successful business man, he loved to play the guitar and sing. He raised his kids with an appreciation for classic rock which was ever apparent in Jesse's styling of music and the way both St. James siblings dress. They were far closer to their dad than their mom who preferred to be out and about with her friends and on the social scene then to be at home with her children. That's what Rosalie was for. Their dad, however, was an absent father and very critical. He was always away from home and on the odd time he was home, he would often criticize Ashleigh and her older brother Jonathan for anything from her size to his sexual orientation. Jesse was always the star child and their parents made it clear they loved Jesse more. This led Jonathan to a drug addiction, though Ashleigh was careful in how she discussed that with Rachel and Ashleigh to a life of bulimia and an array of mental issues that she wouldn't talk about. Rachel suspected there was more to her than she let on but decided not to push it.

Rachel's mind was shattered by the light hearted laugh that only Jesse could do. Her head shot up and she watches Jesse walk in alongside Burt and Carol, who were pretty much tackled by Kurt. Rachel's face fell as she watches Carol. She hasn't seen carol since the memorial and it was brief. It hurt to see her. Ashleigh noticed this and placed a reassuring hand on Rachel's shoulder. Rachel sighed and slumped back in her chair. She hated these moments. She loved Finn and never wanted to let him go. However, she couldn't handle these moments that crippled her to the point where she wants to lock herself inside and not come out. She knew she needed to find her middle ground, her centre. Finn was gone, nothing was going to change that. These moments were going to happen but she couldn't allow them to cripple her. This was an important time for Kurt; she had to focus on that.

Rachel stared into the group of her friends, watching them inventively. In her mind, a beautiful piano melody played and suddenly, she was back in the Lima High auditorium.

* * *

_***dream sequence***_

Rachel stood in the Lima High auditorium since named for the late Finn Hudson, staring into the blackness of the seats from Centre stage. This was the place she could connect with Finn the best – this was their Jerusalem.

_I'm so tired of being here  
Suppressed by all my childish fears  
And if you have to leave  
I wish that you would just leave  
'Cause your presence still lingers here  
And it won't leave me alone _

Rachel walked over to where she and Finn shared their first kiss, a small smile on her face as the memory played back in her mind.

_These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase_

She continued to walk around the stage, stopping briefly on the spots where Finn proposed and where they broke up.

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
And I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have  
All of me_

She walked down the aisle of the auditorium and pushed the doors open, instead of being in the hallways of McKinley high, she was back in New York, walking out onto the bridge. Their bridge. She leaned against it, remembering the 'business date' the two of them shared in New York all those years ago.

_You used to captivate me by your resonating light  
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind  
Your face – it haunts my once pleasant dreams  
Your voice – it chased away all the sanity in me_

She walked through the streets of New York as it snowed, his Letterman jacket wrapped around her small frame. She stopped as she came to the Plaza Hotel.

_These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase_

Rachel pushed the doors open and was instantly in the room with all of her friends. She saw everyone doting over the grooms to be as she stood there the ceremony would take place. She closed her eyes and remembered Carol and Burt's wedding when they sang "Marry Me".

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
And I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have  
All of me_

Rachel wrapped her arms around her body, holding herself tightly as though she may fall apart at the seams. Memories of their almost marriage flooded her mind as did flashes of his funeral.

_I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone  
But though you're still with me  
I've been alone all along_

As the music in her mind turned from a soft, haunting melody into something heavier, she remembered all the times Finn would play drums. She walked around the room, lost in the music, the scene shifted to the terrace of the penthouse, the cool breeze blowing around her. This time, she was wearing her Wedding gown that slowly faded into the dress she wore at his funeral.

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
And I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have  
All of me_

Her face was now soaked from the tears, the scene pulled away from her standing on the terrace to her sitting in the Grand Room at the Plaza hotel.

_...me, me, me._

_***End of dream sequence***_

* * *

The music faded and Rachel continued to look lost in her dream world, that was until Blaine sat beside her and threw his arm around her shoulder, snapping her back to reality. She put on her best show face and smiled at the groom to be.

"I know how hard this is, Rach, we're all feeling it."

Rachel laughed with embarrassment, "I'm sorry. This is such a huge moment for you two and look at me."

He nudged her lightly, "Don't worry. I understand, Kurt understands; we all do. We are about to get started though, so how about you get over there with the other members of the Wedding party, and chin up alright? How about when this is all done, you, Kurt, Jesse and I curl up on the couch, watch a sappy movie and eat ice cream?"

Rachel laughed, standing up and hugging Blaine, "You have a deal. Though, I think it will be a much larger crowd considering."

"The more the merrier," Blaine laughed, "Get over there, okay? Knock 'em dead sweetheart."

Rachel smiled appreciatively at her friend and made her way over to the Wedding Party, where Sam wrapped his arm around her in a hug, making jokes about how they were the second most important pair in the Wedding next to the grooms since he was the best man. He also made a few of his best impressions, keeping everyone in light spirits. Quinn took Rachel's hand at one point and squeezed it. She understood how Rachel felt. She too had lost an ex-boyfriend whom she had loved more than anything at one point in her life. Rachel squeezed back and offered her a smile.

"Alright, I spoke with Kurt and Blaine about how they wanted everything done," Ashleigh called out as she walked to the front of the chairs where the ceremony would take place. "This is where the grand vocal point will be. My designs were just approved…"

"It's immaculate, really," Kurt quipped excitedly, "I'm very excited to see it."

"Thank you, Kurt," Ashleigh said with a smile, noticing the look of pride in her brothers eyes, which made her blush, "This is where the ceremony will be centred. Now, while there's only a handful of chairs set up here, these will span rather long in two columns down the aisle to about here."

Quinn raised her eyebrows, "How many people are on the guest list?"

Blaine blushed, "About 200 or 250, something like that. I mean we have people we know here, everyone back home, members of New Directions, their families so that they can travel out here since many of them couldn't come alone, the Warblers I knew, you guys, family members that could go on forever, important people in the fashion world for Kurt, members of Funny Girl whom we have gotten close with, NYADA students we know…"

"It's going to be a lot of people, no doubt," Kurt finished. "We wanted to leave no one out."

Ashleigh nodded in agreement, "Once everyone is seated and ready, these rows here will be empty for family, and, in a twist of tradition, the wedding party will be coming out first, starting with the best man and maid of honour, so Sam and Rachel, you will enter from here and go that way, remember to stay in time with the music that will be playing. The officiate will be here, coming in from the side right there before the music begins. He will welcome everyone as they come up here into place."

Sam and Rachel walked down the aisle, Sam, naturally being a goof as they did it, making Rachel laugh with his impressions. They got to the top of the aisle, they kissed each others cheek and went to their respective sides, followed by Quinn and Blaine's brother, Cooper, Tina and Mike, Santana and Britney (who will be wearing dress suit, as per her request), Mercedes and Puck, Isabelle and Artie, who insisted that he wheel Isabelle down the aisle and Dani and Jesse. Ashleigh stood at the bottom of the aisle and made some notes, announcing there would be a platform design to make the ceremony more viewable to everyone in attendance as well as cause a more tiered gathering of the Wedding Party.

"Okay, so, this is when the string players would begin playing 'Don't Stop Believing'... Jesse, don't even suggest everyone sings 'White Wedding' again."

"Oh come on, it would be epic!" Jesse shouted out, getting agreements from Mike and Puck

"When you get married, then you can do that, however, this is what Kurt and Blaine want," Ashleigh stated. "That's assuming I don't get married first and steal it from you."

"Good luck with that one," Jesse joked.

"Anyway, we are going to have Blaine come out first with his parents," Ashleigh stated as they made their way down the aisle.

At the end of the aisle, Blaine kissed both of his parents before they took their seats while Blaine shook Cooper's hand before taking his place beside his brother. He loved how one side wasn't all girls while the other was all guys, they rotated their place so each side was boy, girl etc. with the exception of Britney. It was unique, as was just about everything else thus far.

"Then, we will have Kurt with Burt and Carol enter."

Kurt entered with Burt and Carol; they were about half way down the makeshift aisle when his dad started humming Beyone's 'All the Single Ladies', making everyone smile for the special moment for the father and son. Once Kurt gave Carol and Burt a kiss on the cheek, Kurt took his place while Burt hurried to the centre of the aisle with Britney and Tina behind him. Burt faced the group while the girls went behind him and together they reenacted the performance they had done with Burt at Graduation for his son. The entire group was in stitches while Kurt just covered his mouth and laughed, much like he did at Graduation. Following the performance, everyone cheered. Ashleigh stood at the end of the aisle just in bewilderment.

"Will that be part of the ceremony?" Ashleigh asked while Kurt hurriedly shook his head.

"As offbeat as much of this is, I don't think that would be a good idea. It would undoubtedly end up on YouTube, you don't want that, do you dad?" Kurt asked with a hint of concern, not for himself, but for his father. "I mean, your career…"

Burt laughed, "No, as much as I would have liked too, my adviser forbid it. I had to do it now, for you. Don't worry, it was recorded. Thanks Will."

Will nodded and waved with the camera in his hand as the group laughed. Ashleigh ran them through everything the first time around then did a few dry runs to ensure everything went off without a hitch. Once she was able to keep certain people contained, namely Sam, Burt and her older brother, things went smoothly. At one point, Sam and Jesse did a tango down the aisle to where they would reset for another run through. This behaviour was something Ashleigh was used too from her big brother but she knew what he was like around other people. Part of her heart soared, he must have truly looked at them like they were family.

Following the rehearsal, everyone found their way to Kajitsu and into a private party room where everyone dined on the luxurious cuisine. For Jesse and Ashleigh, this was a lifestyle they were worth it – for the others it was new. Kurt, Blaine, Rachel, Dani and Santana had been introduced to it over the last few months. The group kept things low key, conversation light and free. Ashleigh sat at the corner of the table, occasionally catching glances at Sam who kept sneaking glances at her. The two flirted from across the tables with smiles and the like. Dani kept conversation with Ashleigh while the two apparently worked out some sort of agreement for work once Ashleigh launched her business, which excited Dani who didn't have the greatest prospects while in New York to keep herself afloat. Rachel and Jesse sat in the other corner of the table, side by side, often sharing laughs and feeding each other. Carol caught eye of this and smiled. It hurt to see Rachel with anyone other than her son but she knew it wasn't going to happen. Carol was aware that Jesse and Rachel were merely friends at the moment, but she wasn't naive. She was aware of the obvious feelings between the two. Jesse was head over heels in love with her, which was clear as anything while Rachel loved him as well but was incredibly guarded and protected. In her heart, she knew that at some point in the distant future, another Wedding invitation would wind up in her mailbox back in Lima. There was no doubt that a Berry and St. James wedding was in the future; probably years from now, but eventually.

The evening wrapped up around midnight, with everyone making their way to their own places. The majority of those who had been shaking up at the penthouse had made their homes in the Plaza Hotel for the week, preferring to take advantage of the luxury being presented to them while Jesse, Dani, Rachel, Ashleigh, Blain and Kurt returned to the penthouse. They had expected to return home to a peaceful, empty home which is nearly what they found. The girls slipped into Rachel's walk-in to find it in a state she hadn't expected. It was renovated, with all her personal touches that Jesse had made gone along with all her clothes. Rachel froze in horror; everything was gone including her stuff she kept of Finn's like her Finn necklace, Jersey and Letterman jacket. Instead, Ashleigh's stuff was laid out and the closet was designed in her alternative style. Rachel looked at Ashleigh who looked as perplexed as Rachel was. The girls heard Jesse yell from the bedroom and went running into the room to find it in a similar position as to what the closet had been. Any personal items of Jesse and Rachel's were gone as Ashleigh's stuff took over. Kurt and Blaine rushed into the living room, panicking for their stuff was gone as well – an empty room left in its wake. Dani and Santana's room was left untouched while Jesse's alternative room was in the works of being made into what looked like an office.

"What the hell is going on?" Jesse snapped, his face pale as he began to run his hand through his hair. "Do you know?"

Ashleigh put her hands up, "Hey, don't shoot me, I know nothing."

"Oh, it's just a coincidence that my stuff, Rachel's and the grooms to be stuff is all gone and yours is now in the main room? Dani's and Santana's is here too, which doesn't make any sense. Something is going on and I want to know what the fuck it is right the fuck now!" Jesse yelled, obviously worked up.

"Oh, you're finally home," a husky male voice said from behind them.

Jesse and Ashleigh's face went white. The man looked to be in his late forties or early fifties and stood about six foot one, had dark brown hair and piercing blue eyes and looked like a spitting image of Jesse. He was wearing a well-tailored design suit that could have made Kurt drool. He smiled at the pair who looked at him as though they had seen a ghost.

"Jesse, what's going on?" Rachel asked, worried by the expression on his face. "Who is this?"

"Oh you must be Rachel," the man extended his hand, "let me introduce myself, I am Martin St. James, Ashleigh and Jesse's father."

* * *

Zomg. Why is their dad back? What's he up too? Where's everyone's stuff?!

I'm sure there are amazing answers to all of this next chapter...

Which there is...

:p

Song used:

My Immortal (band version) - Evanescence

Read and review guys! Reviews keep me going!


	15. So Soon

Reviews seem to becoming fewer and fewer which concerns me. Is this story losing steam?

It's a standard length. Please read and review.

* * *

**Chapter 15  
So Soon**

Jesse St. James stared his father down, anger, confusion and hurt danced in his eyes. Rachel had never seen him look so intense, and frankly, it worried her, a lot. Ashleigh's eyes had filled with tears which lead her to promptly stomp angrily to the window. It was her though, who finally broke the silence.

"What are you doing here, _Martin_?" Ashleigh snapped hastily, "You haven't seen or spoken to any of us in two years and now suddenly you think you can come here and turn our worlds upside down? This whole ordeal was no dubitably your doing?"

Martin sighed and ran his hand through his hair, "I cannot even begin to tell you how much I regret my actions the last few years. However, I wasn't avoiding you two. Your mother had presumably gotten mixed up in the wrong group of people and we fled. We knew the second we contacted you that it would not only risk ourselves but you three as well."

Jesse scoffed, "Please, when have you and mother even been concerned for our well beings?"

"You know damn well I have always loved and adored you kids," Martin snapped, getting up in Jesse's face, causing Rachel and the others to step back from the scene. "I hated your mother for keeping me away from the two of you. I wouldn't be surprised if she planned the whole ordeal. Anything to rid her selves of her responsibilities as a mother."

"Maybe he has a point, Jess," Ashleigh whispered, slowly walking up behind her brother, "He's always been there for us. It was _her_ who never was. Where's mother now?"

Martin shrugged, "Hell if I know. Probably went crying back to her daddy who is still alive and kicking by some miracle. I left her as soon as we were safe."

Ashleigh and Jesse's faces went white. They couldn't believe what they were hearing. Sure, they never had a nice word to say in regards to their mother and knew how their mother felt about them – however, they never expected Theresa St. James to ever allow a scandal like separation and divorce ever tarnish her reputation. It was unheard of. Reputation was everything to Theresa, that's why she married Martin St. James in the first place. She never loved him. She loved the status of elite that came with him, not to mention the fortune his family had racked up during the decades of being business mogul's, effectively ranking in the top twenty-five of America's Richest families even before Martin took over, now they were placed happily in the top five. They were worth more than anyone could have comprehended. While Rachel and the others were mortified by the twenty-seven million dollar price tag on the penthouse suite, Jesse shrugged it off stating it was pocket change to his father. It was no wonder the St. James siblings were the way that they were. Driven, passionate, focused… it was in their blood. Jesse's was never in the business sense as his sister's appeared to be but the characteristics were definitely there.

"Why…?" Jesse choked out in disbelief

Martin St. James sighed and leaned against the back of the couch, "I regret being away from you, Ashleigh and Mason so much while you were growing up. I missed all of your National Show Choir wins, I missed Ashleigh's dance recitals and was never there to ooo and awe over her amazing portfolio with her and never supported her each time she ended up in rehab for bulimia and Mason… he was so young. He barely saw us from the day he was born. Your mother was apparently done being the doting mother but I was so blinded by my ridiculous feelings for that woman. She never loved me, or anyone for that matter. Cold, bitter, horrible woman she is…"

Martin paused and took a deep breath as he studied the faces of his children and their guests.

"I'm sorry," he sighed heavily. "I shouldn't be saying such things in regards to your mother."

"Oh say whatever you want about her," Jesse snapped viciously. "She's dead to me. Has been for a very long time. I was nothing but a failure to her. I wouldn't be the one to step up and take over St. James enterprises, instead I chose theatre and show choir… I apparently tarnished her reputation."

"No more than the bulimic daughter or drug addict son did," Ashleigh mumbled out. "We were simply reasons she was shunned at society events. That's all that mattered to her… reputation and money. We weren't stupid, we knew she didn't love us."

"Why are you hear now?" Jesse asked, refusing to show the same compassion his sister did towards their father. "Think you can just waltz in here after disappearing and expect warm hugs and pleasant memories with us? It doesn't work like that, at least not with me."

Martin nodded, "I do not blame you, Jesse, and you were always like me in that sense. I am glad to see it, actually."

"Well, I'm not," Jesse snapped viciously, causing Rachel to grab his hand and squeeze it tightly. This made him ease up just a bit. "Mind telling me where all my stuff is?"

Martin perked up a bit, "That is sitting in your new apartment, along with Rachel's things. As for Kurt and Blaine's things are in their new apartment as well."

Everyone looked at him perplexed, "Why? This place was…"

"Unfitting for what you have accomplished, what you all have," Martin said proudly. "You are all blazing a path in New York on your own. That is something to be proud of. Ashleigh is planning on starting her own business along with Dani so it is only fitting that she remains here with Ashleigh. Ashleigh could use her own space; a residence like this could make a fabulous meeting ground for clients."

"You got us a place?" Kurt asked, barely able to speak, "Why? You've never met us before tonight."

Martin let out a sigh, "I have kept close tabs on Jesse, Mason and Ashleigh while I was on the run with Theresa. I knew about everything going on and the friendships he's developed along the way with all of you. I am also aware that you are getting married this weekend, and I know that you would not want to be in New York without Rachel so the place I found is big enough for the four of you and still have enough to have privacy."

"This place already does that, Martin," Jesse sneered

"This takes up an entire floor." Martin replied with a smirk causing a mix of reactions from the young ones in front of him.

"I get my own place, sweet," Ashleigh said as she bounced onto the new sofa her dad had brought into the penthouse. "Where is this place you got them, daddy?"

"The 18th floor of 781 Fifth Avenue," he said simply as Jesse looked at him in confusion and disbelief. "It was a little… old for my tastes when I bought it a few weeks ago. I brought in a crew and they revamped it. A few rooms were left alone, they were simply tweaked with the very designs and layouts you had in this penthouse. And the terrace is simply amazing, you have a to die for view of the park, a private terrace at the master bedroom, which is where you get your view. Each bedroom has its own dressing room and walk-in closet which puts these ones to shame. It's really immaculate, my son."

"If he doesn't want it, daddy, I'll take it," Ashleigh said flipping through her notes on the wedding.

"Hey Ash?" Jesse asked in an annoyed tone, "Your princess is showing. May want to adjust your tiara there."

"Bite me, bitch." Was her reply

"I am not asking you to be best friends with me, Jesse," Martin said as he approached his son in a gentle manner. "I'm asking for a chance to try to fix everything I messed up. You, Ashleigh and Mason are my world, give me that chance."

"Where are you living, then? Akron? Bali?" Jesse asked, folding his arms across his chest

"I bought a suite over at the Pierre," he replied. "A little big but it'll do."

"So, you're staying in New York then?" Jesse asked, almost softening up a bit

"Yes," he replied, "Your brother is transferring to a rehab centre here in New York, upon his discharge, I will be taking over his care as his sponsor and keeping an eye on him. I assume if he refuses to live with me that you both will offer him a place to stay?"

Ashleigh and Jesse nodded. Jesse softened up and paced the room for a moment. No one said anything. Rachel watched him inventively, trying to gauge his emotions. In an unexpected move, he wrapped his arms around his dad; however, he pulled away within a few seconds.

"Don't fuck this up, old man," Jesse warned. "I want a full explanation on what the hell happened with you and Theresa, understood? Now, I would really like to get some sleep. Mind if I go home?"

Martin handed him a key and made a phone call on his phone.

"Bernard, your driver will be waiting for you downstairs," Martin stated.

"Driver? We have drivers again?" Ashleigh asked, peaking over the couch.

"Yes, as we did in New York, Toronto and Akron," he explained, "Jesse and Rachel will share Bernard and his relief, Kurt and Blaine get Hugo, Ashleigh has Edward while Dani and Santana will have Nathan. No arguing with me, any of you."

"Excuse me, Mr. St. James," Kurt asked quietly, "I can barely accept what you are doing as is, but now this? I don't understand."

Martin sighed and gave the young man a smile, "I always wanted more children, and Theresa wanted no part of it. I see all of you as an extension of family and I intend to treat you and I would any member of my family. Please accept my generosity. In exchange, I ask that in the event I need any one of a kind suits, I can come to you, Kurt."

"Of course, Mr. St. James."

"Martin, please." He requested.

Kurt nodded in agreement as Jesse pushed him towards the door. Jesse was irritated and just wanted to climb into bed and make sense of everything that was happening. Rachel went to follow the boys when she was stopped by Martin. She heard Jesse smush everyone into the elevator and leave the floor, which made her smirk a bit. This was going to be a situation she helped deal with.

"Rachel, may I say something please?" Martin asked, receiving a nod in response. "I wanted to thank you, for everything you have done for my son. I may not have been around the past few years but I am more than aware of what he has been up too. He's grown into a man since he met you and I know it was largely in part of you. So, thank you. I am sure he's going to need your support tonight, so you go. We can talk in a few days, after all this wedding fodder. We'll do lunch?"

Rachel nodded sweetly, "Of course. Have a good evening, Martin, and I'll see you tomorrow Ashleigh."

* * *

Rachel led herself out of the building; she found the boys waiting for the car to come around. Jesse was pacing back and forth, running his hand through his hair many times. He saw Rachel come out of the building and instantly ran over to her, wrapping his arms around her tightly. He held her close as she returned the hug. Kurt and Blaine gave each other a look and Blaine nudged him playfully, motioning at the two. It was an odd thing, seeing Jesse vulnerable. When the car came around, Jesse sighed and threw himself into it. Rachel, Blaine and Kurt stared at it in shock. It wasn't until Jesse yelled from the limo to hurry the hell up that the group scrambled into the limo after Jesse. The ride was rather silent. The limo pulled up to the tall structure that made 781 Fifth Avenue, the legendary Sherry-Netherland Hotel. Rachel was the first one out, followed by Kurt. The two instantly linked hands and turned into a pair of awestruck tourists. This was something they knew their life would come too at one point or another but they would never truly get used to it. They were Lima, Ohio and now they were going to be living in one of the most incredible residences in New York. When they entered the building, behind Jesse, they were greeted by a young woman who was well aware of who Jesse was, leading him to the private elevator. The ride was quiet, which was until it opened. Jesse didn't say a single word, he simply just entered the penthouse and rushed around, and looking for whatever could be his room. Rachel and the others, however, were transfixed by the incredible view as they found their way into the living room after passing amazingly modern and well decorated passage ways.

"A room had been here before at some point, I wonder if Martin tore it down to extend the living room," Blaine ran his hand along the side of the wall, "I wonder what was here before."

"Look at this view!" Kurt exclaimed running to the windows, "Look at the city, look at Central Park… this is amazing."

"I'm in love with this terrace. It's so… incredible. In the summer, this is going to be incredible," Rachel exclaimed from the terrace.

"Two closets in this room here, a massive walk-in slash dressing room with a private bathroom in there," Kurt said pointing towards the one side of the living room

"Office here, bathroom beside it," Blaine stated,

"Dining room and what I can assume is a den there, kitchen there," Kurt pointed out

"Another walk-in slash dressing room and two bedrooms along that side." Said Blaine as he poked his head into each room, "though I still haven't been able to point out our room."

"Mastery suite right here," Rachel pointed out, "it has the one entrance right here. I have no idea what's actually in there."

"These rooms only have beds and empty dressers in them, guest rooms really," Kurt pointed out, "I'm perplexed."

"I thought I heard someone up here," Rosalie said from the foyer, "your room is down here."

"Down there?" Blaine asked as the group walked over to Rosalie

"Martin purchased the two apartments on the floor beneath us, turned the three units into one massive suite. Down stairs is almost the same layout out as this one. They connect by the elevators and those stairs right there. The master suite is exclusive to this floor, however, there's two master sized ones down stairs with separate closets instead of all one massive suite. Come down, I'll show you guys around."

Kurt and Blaine followed Rosalie with excitement in their eyes. Kurt stopped and turned around looking back at Rachel, "Rach, you coming?"

Rachel shook her head, "Naw, I think I am going to make Jesse and I some hot chocolate and then sit down and talk to him. I think he needs it right now."

"We understand," Blaine nodded, grabbing his fiancé's hand, "goodnight, Rachel."

"Goodnight guys," Rachel whispered as sounds of Jesse venting in the suite behind her echoed in the hallways. "I better go handle this. I will see you tomorrow. Sleep well."

Rachel found her way into the large kitchen and easily found the instant coffee makers set up on the counter. She found the hot chocolate T-Cups and quickly brewed two cups. When she got to the bedroom she was taken back by the design. It was elegant, sophisticated yet romantic. The bed was brought over from the other penthouse however the blankets were now black and red as were the pillows. The walls were a mixture of black red and white yet didn't look gothic. Rachel smirked at the hot tub tucked away in the corner of the room, knowing it was something Jesse would want. There were new side tables that were a deep rich wooden colour. She rested the mugs on the large trunk at the end of the bed and walked into the walk in closet/dressing room. Her jaw hit the floor. It was amazing. It was three times the size of the other one and had a large vanity in the middle that stretched the centre of the room. On the right side was Jesse's clothes while the right was hers. There was so much space that it shocked her. She noticed one of the shelves with clothes hanging on it seemed to stick out a little more than the other shelves. Rachel explored them and came to discover it opened up releasing four more shelves for clothes and shoes inside. She shook her head at the opulence of it all and left the closet in search of Jesse. He was standing outside on the terrace, looking out over the city in an obvious state of distress. Rachel wrapped herself in a fleece hoodie jacket and walked out onto the terrace with the mugs in hand.

"You alright Jess?" Rachel asked handing him the warm mug

He nodded then sighed. "Yeah. I haven't seen him in so long and then he comes in and does all this. Rips my home away from me, gives it to Ashleigh... I'm grateful don't get me wrong but my dad has never been too considerate when it comes to the feelings of others."

"He's trying to provide for you three," she reassured. "He loves you guys but he was just led down the wrong path. He loved your mother and did everything he could to make her happy."

"Including abandon your kids."

Silence fell over them for a moment until Rachel remembered something. "Do you remember that email you sent me my senior year when you found out about Shelby being at McKinley? Remember what you said to me?"

Jesse nodded. "I told you to give her a chance to talk to you, hear her out and that maybe in the end you will work things out or you won't but either way you will get some closure."

"I did that. Now she and I have a good relationship. Maybe you should do the same with your father."

Jesse turned around and leaned against the railing of the terrace, taking a sip of his hot chocolate, "I suppose you're right. Maybe there is a reason for anything. My dad and I… we were once so close. I remember how it was before my mom got pregnant with Mason."

"Did you see your parents more than?" she asked, leaning against the railing beside him

"Yeah, a lot more. We used to do everything together. My mom got pregnant with Mason when I was three, had him when I was four. My mom was always distant but my dad… he wasn't. Then when Ashleigh was born a year later… everything was different."

"How so?"

"My mother never wanted children, I have always known that. She did because of how it would look if she was one of those perfect wives and dotting mother. Thing was, in public, where people could see she was an amazing mother, however, as soon as we were home we were casted away into the arms of our respected nannies. We each had one of our own, which was what we needed according to my mother. After Ashleigh she became obsessed with her appearance. Plastic surgery became a regular thing for her. Blamed us constantly for ruining her body, resented my father for it. Once I had started high school, they took off. I was suddenly old enough to be the adult of the family. Dad would check in all the time and see us whenever he could but with trips and work it was hard for him. I knew he always hated my mother for abandoning us like that. My parents had been home a solid three months before they disappeared; my parents were fighting a lot – especially with Ashleigh in the hospital being treated for Bulimia and a slew of other mental health issues but my brother was in rehab, again. My dad had mentioned then that he was going to leave her, which would send my mom into panic mode."

"Why would she panic? She obviously wouldn't care what happened to you three," Rachel said with hatred in her voice.

"Because my father has an ironclad pre-nup. She gets a set amount every year they were together. Beyond that, she's screwed. Also, we are all over eighteen, so no child support either. Her only hope is alimony but considering she's worth a pretty penny on her own, it's unlikely."

"Should your dad be buying up so many properties then?"

"Investment portfolio," he stated simply, "I'm not sure the relevance all I know is it means a lot to him and other business men or something. Ashleigh and Mason would know, they're much more business savvy. I'm the artsy kid of the family."

"Anyone in your family like that?"

"My dad, believe it or not. He's always loved the arts. Took me to my first Broadway performance when I was four. He was always teaching me different things about music, and Broadway and that world in general. When I asked to be enrolled into classes and workshops a few weeks later, he wasn't at all surprised. He was beyond happy… my mom, not so much."

"Wanted you to be your dad?"

"Pretty much, but it's whatever. I followed my heart. They sent me to Carmel to work with Shelby and it's pretty much been amazing since then."

"Your siblings, do they sing?"

"Ashleigh has an amazing voice, almost as well as yours. She's a little rocker queen that one. She writes a lot of music as well but she can dance unlike anything. Ash could definitely give Santana, Mike and Brittany a run for their money. Before she split to a boarding school for High School, she taught me a lot about dancing which I am amazingly grateful for. Helped a lot with Vocal Adrenaline and NYADA."

"You seem close to Ashleigh, what about Mason?"

Jesse frowned, "We don't talk. Haven't since my parents called me the favourite. Shortly after that whole mess of a day, he went downhill. He's done four rehab stints. Blames me for everything. Last I heard though was he was trying to get his shit together, going back to school and all that. So, I'm glad. But enough about me, really. How are you? I noticed you haven't really be on planet earth since the Wedding festivities started."

Rachel looked at the floor and gripped her mug tightly, "I've been thinking about Finn a lot. About our almost wedding. I am so beyond happy for Kurt and Blaine but it's hard seeing them so happy and full of love right now and seeing Finn's mother… everything about it is rocking me to my core. Just when I think I'm getting stronger again, something comes along and I'm back to ground zero. I am starting to feel as though it will never get any easier."

"It will," he replied, a hint of sadness in his voice, "It has only been seven months, Rachel. It's still going to hurt and that's okay. I know your dads have been pushing you as have a few of your friends but you can't pay attention to them. You need to do what is alright for you."

"I feel like all I am doing is hurting you."

Jesse put his mug on a marble table beside them and carefully grabbed Rachel's shoulders, looking deeply into her eyes, "You're not. I am perfectly fine. Rachel, stop worrying about me. I'm not going anywhere. If it takes you twenty years, I am okay with that. Heck, if you decide to move on with someone who isn't me that's okay too because no matter what, you're always going to be my best friend, got it?"

Rachel hugged him, "You're my best friend too. I just feel…"

Jesse laid a finger on her lips to silence her, "Stop over thinking. I'm in New York, living the dream… Broadway, an upcoming movie, surrounded by friends… life doesn't get any better than this. I'm not hurting at all, so stop worrying."

"Would you tell me if it was too much?"

"Of course I would," Jesse muttered, "How about we go check this place out and get some sleep. Busy day tomorrow, no doubt."

"Forget tomorrow, it's a busy week period. On top of our normal weekly shows, we have a Photo shoot tomorrow, the parties on Thursday, Friday is Valentine's Day so there's that big lunch then Saturday is the big day. Saturday, I am going to be exhausted. It's a full day event and we have to bow out at like 6:00pm for a few hours for our performance. I can't believe Ashleigh and Kurt moved everything around. Ceremony will be at noon, followed by a light lunch, photographs, and the works then there's dinner and the reception doesn't officially begin until 9:30ish. It's insane."

"Then we have an afternoon performance Sunday," he reminded her

Rachel sighed, "We can just find time to sleep on Monday next week, how's that sound?"

* * *

Rachel couldn't find sleep; Jesse had somehow found himself on the floor. How he fell onto the floor without realizing it baffled Rachel, but she left him alone. She looked at her alarm clock, it read 3:00am. She sighed and pulled the blankets off her and found her way into the living room. She sat down at the piano and noticed a small bin of sheet music – stuff that wasn't in covers or anything like that. She opened the box and discovered it was all original music. The first song on the pile caught her eye. She read the lyrics along with the music and was instantly drawn into it. She bit her lip as she thought. There were no neighbours besides Kurt, Blaine and Rosalie downstairs; Jesse was in the other room but she somehow doubted that the piano would wake him up if he slept through the three and a half foot drop to the floor. The occupants of the suites two floors down were unlikely to hear anything. She made herself comfortable and played the first line about four times before she stopped. She was silent – listening for anyone who may have been stirred by the noise of her playing. When she was satisfied that no one was woken up she let the music take over.

_You say, sometimes, it's like I hardly know you  
And maybe there's something's I never showed you  
Sometimes you're certain, but just can't get it working at all  
You say to yourself somebody better  
Will understand you more than I ever  
I'll shake his hand, and smile, and say I understand. Well I do  
that don't mean I don't think about you_

Rachel continued to play as she read the music carefully, doing her best not to mess up the notes. Her heart filled with the pain she had been doing her best to hide.

I know we  
Said it's just as well that I won't keep, keep you for myself  
But, I don't want to see you happier with somebody else

_Oh, why can't you just be lo-lo, lo lo-lo, lo lonely?  
Why can't you just be lo-lo, lo lo-lo, lo lonely?  
Why can't you just be lo-lo, lo lo-lo, lo lonely?  
I know you need someone too  
This just feels so soon_

Jesse awoke, on the floor, to the melody of a song he had written a while ago when he and Rachel had broken up and she got back together with Finn – shortly after he heard about their engagement. He rolled over and climbed to his feet and slowly made his way to the living room. Sure enough, he found Rachel sitting at the piano playing 'So Soon'. He leaned against the wall and watched her, making sure he didn't startle her. Despite the meaning it was written for, he knew it meant something entirely different to Rachel.

_I know some things should just stay broken  
I'm well aware this should remain unspoken  
But I've been working on the things that I was learning all wrong, oh  
I know sometimes I only twist ya  
And maybe I'm too proud to say I missed ya  
But what if here and now, I tell you that I'm all figured out?  
Or maybe I just like how that sounds_

He watched her as her hands expertly ran across the keys, lost in her own world. A piece of his heart broke as he saw the tear fall from her eyes as she sang.

_I know we  
Said it's just as well that I won't keep, keep you for myself  
But I don't want to see you happier with somebody else_

Oh, why can't you just be lo-lo, lo lo-lo, lo lonely?  
Why can't you just be lo-lo, lo lo-lo, lo lonely?  
Why can't you just be lo-lo, lo lo-lo, lo lonely?  
I know you need someone too  
This just feels so…

Rachel's face was now stained with tears; her voice cracking with every word.

_And I know it seems beneath me  
But sometimes it's not so easy  
To wish you well and let you go_

_And I say it's just as well  
That I just can't keep you for myself  
I don't want to see you happier with somebody else_

She stopped playing the keyboard, doing the next part canella.

_Oh, lo-lo, lo lo-lo, lo lonely?  
Why can't you just be lo-lo, lo lo-lo, lo lonely?  
Why can't you just be lo-lo, lo lo-lo, lo lonely?  
This just feels so  
This just feels so,  
Feels so soon…_

The last line was choked out as she fell apart. She buried her head in her hand and sobbed, letting her body shake with each gut-wrenching sob. Jesse was in front of her in an instant, wrapping his arms around her tightly. She buried her head in his chest and opened up the flood gates.

"Oh god, Jesse," she sobbed out, "It's like you wrote what he must feel… or what he would feel… I thought I was ready that I could do this and I can't. I am so lost and confused and… I miss Finn so god damn much…"

Another round of sobs shook her tiny frame, "Shhh… it's alright Rach. Just cry, let it out. Everything will be alright. I promise."

All Rachel could do was cry for the loss of Finn. She sat in Jesse's lap, her head on his shoulders and spent the rest of the early morning doing just that. The pain she was feeling was unreal; it was all-consuming. Jesse's heart was breaking inside but that didn't matter, not right now. Rachel needed him and even if it meant forever being in the friend zone, then that's what he would do.

* * *

_There we go. To clear something up... Rachel hasn't moved on, or even began to move on yet. It's been 7 months since his death (in the story) and she will be getting stronger as time goes on. She will eventually move on. It's an inevitability. Let's be real as well - lots of people have began to move on this soon after death of a loved one or partner - is Rachel? No. But it happens. The song is stated to be original, however, as you see below, it's just for the story progression._

_Song:_

_So Soon - Marianas Trench_

_Read and review._


	16. I Wont Let You Go

_Yes, I know... it's taken a while. Well... I got a review that I took to heart so I took the extra time to get it edited by someone I know and trust. I apologize for the lack of grammar skills and spelling errors... I am dyslexic and I've always had the problems, so hopefully this is much better._

_I have started my degree program as well as my Adobe Certification and my graphic design minor.. so I'm busy. I will update as much as I can. I will shoot for about once a week._

_Other then that... _

_There really is a divide between what is a reasonable amount of time for Rachel to wait before being with Jesse. Some say it's enough, some say it's not enough. So, I am really just going to do it my way, either way, some people are probably going to be upset. I can't please everyone._

_With that..._

_Enjoy!_

* * *

**Chapter 16  
I Won't Let You Go**

For the next few days, Rachel was effectively in a zombie state. She pulled through the pre wedding photo-shoot easily without anyone suspecting a thing. She made it through the parties and lunches as best she could but she couldn't hide it well, not from those who knew her the best. No one said anything and she never let it bother the wedding events in any way. Work was suffering a bit. Not enough for the general public notice but to those who knew the show and her performances well could tell. Since her breakdown with Jesse she has been as strong as she could when all she wanted to do was break down. She just couldn't. Not right now. Not when her best friend needed her.

Valentine's Day was coming which meant brunch and work. She had no valentine. Certainly not this year anyway. Jesse knew not to even consider going there with Rachel. He knew it was not something that she needed. She was seeing enough people flaunt their love around and it was wearing her thin. Following Brunch, she locked herself in her room and cried. Had a brief nap and woke up to put herself together in order to do the show that night. The entire performance was stellar! One of her best which surprised Jesse. Following the performance, Rachel continued to avoid Jesse.

Jesse was currently sleeping in the room across from the masters. Since Rachel sang _'So Soon'_ she had shunned the world, especially him. It was almost as if any and all progress she had made was gone and was back to the deepest part of grief. He was genuinely concerned about her. She would wake up a lot with nightmares about Finn's death. None of which he was allowed to comfort her through. He would simply get her some water and leave her be.

Following their valentines performance, Jesse left Rachel's gift on her bed. It was a Chris Aire platinum star locker with diamonds in the middle of the star. Rachel was taken back by the sheer beauty and knowing stars were rarely made for lockers, she knew this was custom made. Inside the locket was a picture of Finn on the right side and coordinates with the other. The location of Finn's star. Tears fell from her eyes as she placed the box on the bed and bolted out of the room. She found Jesse in the den that was turned into a gym/dance studio where he had been working on his muscle exercises. Rachel was temporarily speechless at the vision in front of her. His back was to her and he was using the machine to work his back. His sculpted arms looked amazing while his back gave away what was to be expected on the other side. Ever since Ryan Murphy has told him that film production of _Spring Awakening_ would result in him being almost completely naked he decided to put a lot of effort into his torso. She had tried telling him that he didn't need too but once Jesse had his mind set on something there was nothing anyone could say to change his mind.

Rachel waited for him to finish the series of exercises and walked up behind her, wrapping her tiny frame around him.

"Thank you," was all she said before kissing his cheek and walked towards the doorway

Jesse grabbed her hand and looked at her with a grin. "You're welcome."

"How did you know?"

"I'm Jesse St. James, I know everything," he said standing up doing Chuck Bass' signature hand gesture as he said it making Rachel respond by dropping a towel at him. "Kurt helped. He found the frame you had with the coordinates for me and chose a picture that he thought you'd like."

"I don't get it. Why Finn?"

"You told me that you're afraid of losing him for good; this way, you can't lose him. You'll always know where to find him," he said in a subdued voice.

"I know I'll never lose him," Rachel blurted out, Jesse looked at her with a confused face. "I am afraid of the unknown. I had everything planned out."

Jesse threw a wife beater on and led Rachel into the living room where Rosalie had left them each out a hot chocolate and a snack before turning in for the night. The snack were vegan cookies in the shape of hearts. Once settled, Jesse questioned the girl.

"What do you mean?"

Rachel sighed, looking down, "I was going to make it big on Broadway, do that for a while. You know Funny Girl, Evita, Oklahoma... Then maybe do a Woody Allen movie or something..."

"Woody Allen?" Jesse teased

Rachel hit him playfully, "yes. And then... Then I was going to go home to Lima. Finn would be teaching and running Glee and I would have walked into the choir room and said..."

"I'm home," he finished with a solemn expression

Rachel nodded, wiping a tear from her eye, "yeah. I knew exactly what my life was going to lead too and now everything is so uncertain."

Jesse paused for a moment, lost in thought, "you want to know what is going to happen?"

Rachel nodded as Jesse took her hands in his own and looked at her with a grin, "you are already making a fantastic career for yourself and getting Tony buzz. You're going to be starting a movie soon and you're going to play all the parts you ever wanted. You are going to be a star."

"What about... Love?"

"Don't you want someone that cares about you?" Jesse sang, making Rachel laugh and toss a throw pillow at him

"Smart-ass," was all Rachel said.

Jesse lifted her chin so he could look in her eyes, "you will always have my love. Nothing could change that fact. Since I saw you singing _'Don't rain'_ all those years ago, I've only had eyes for you. If you allow it, we will grow old and gray, watching our great grandchildren play."

Rachel laughed through tears then leaned forward and kissed him softly. The kiss was gentle and tender. Full of hope, love and curiosity. Rachel moved back and snuggled into Jess's, wrapping her arms around him. He smiled and held her closer. He knew the kiss didn't mean she was ready now but it was a promise. A promise of what their future held.

* * *

To say the wedding was beautiful would have been an understatement. It was absolutely breath taking. Ashleigh worked a miracle today. Each chair at the ceremony was elegantly decorated with fine white fabric and silk sashes in a brilliant red, embellished with Swarovski crystals. The ceremony took place in candle light and well placed string lights around them. The focal point was a heart shaped arch in a soft semi-translucent red mesh like fabric, decorated with Swarovski crystals and string lights. The lights made the crystal shine like diamonds. The carpet leading down the aisle was red with roses skate red over it. The wedding party entered with no problems whatsoever, even with Brittany and Santana near one another with Dani and Sam into the mix. Burt made good on his promise and behaved himself. The ceremony was beautiful. Tears were shed, laughs filled the room and love was shared. Rachel spent a large chunk of the time watching Jesse with a smile on her face. Seeing him standing there did something to her. It was like Jesse was a new person. She had never seen him look like that before. Like she was seeing him for the first time. She knew Finn was watching her and just as she did a year ago, she knew Finn wanted her to find her happiness and truth be told, she already has. There was no doubt in her mind now that she would one day be standing on the pew one day with Jesse.

The photos were a mix between serious and fun, especially the group shots. Rachel felt alive, truly alive for the first time in months. She was smiling and laughing like she did before Finn died. Her heart swelled with love for him as she felt Finn close to her. She would always love Finn there was no denying that but sometimes in life things need to fall apart so that they can rebuild themselves.

The reception was remarkably beautiful. When Jesse and Rachel arrived, following their performance, the party was in full swing. Back in her dress, Rachel dragged Jesse onto the dance floor. Everyone danced and laughed together. Ashleigh was busy running around making sure everything went smoothly but Rachel noticed what was going on between her and Puck. It made Rachel smile. There was no doubt that those two would wind up a couple.

Following the formalities, Rachel grabbed Kurt and led him to the dance floor. This was a moment she desperately needed to have with her best friend.

"Look at you, you're a married man now," Rachel said happily as they danced. "You look amazing, Blaine looks amazing. These dresses are incredible. This whole this is remarkable."

"It really is," Kurt responded dreamily. "How are you doing? Holding in alright?"

"Actually, I'm fine. I am always going to love and miss Finn but I have accepted that he is gone and never coming back. I have to move forward with my life."

Kurt nodded his head slightly. "Where do we start?"

"We? You're about to go on your honeymoon. Focus on that."

"So? You can still tell me where you plan on starting. Is it Jesse?"

"Baby steps there," Rachel whispered. "Do you look at us and see friends or more?"

"More," Kurt replied. "Maybe baby steps are good. Don't define what you are but don't close off closeness like cuddling or kissing. Kissing can be very therapeutic."

"What do I do when Finn's memory starts to make me hide again?"

"Look at that beautiful necklace and tell yourself you'll never forget him. That although life with him would have been predictable and wonderful, he's gone. He's never coming back. That is exactly what you will need to do. It's been very hard on all of us. We have all done what he would have wanted now it's time for you to do the same."

"A relationship? Really think that's a good idea?"

"Baby steps. Open your heart to the possibility," Kurt suggested. "Don't be afraid."

Rachel just smiled and laughed. "I'll let fate steer the way, how's that?"

"That's a plan."

The two continued dancing, lost in conversation when Jesse took to the semi stage area Ashleigh set up to give the DJ periodic breaks. There was a full band set up with drums, two electric guitars, one acoustic, a bass and a piano. At the side of the set-up was a string group that played in-between breaks of music from the DJ or guests performing.

Jesse had a drink in hand as he held the microphone. He evidently had a few to drink. This concerned Rachel.

"Nathan over here looked like he could use a break so... I am going to do a song for the grooms. This is a rather personal song however I do feel it's fitting for this Wedding and the couple." Jesse sat at the piano and locked eyes with Rachel as she turned back to the dance floor, this time with Puck as Kurt and Blaine took to the floor together. "Is song is called _'I Won't Let You Go'_."

"You know this is about you, right?" Puck whispered into her ear, Rachel nodded in response. "He was working on it last night at his sisters' home. A few of us were there helping Ash out."

A slow, haunting melody filled the grand room. Couples began to trickle onto the dance floor, which somehow included Ashleigh and Puck while one of the college students held down the fort for a few minutes.

_Long steady road  
Oh travel, be kind  
I'm searching for some peace of mind  
The home that you know  
A home left behind  
Oh trouble, don't trouble this time._

"So what is the deal with you two?" Puck asked pulling Rachel a little closer to him, "You two are not exactly friends."

"No we're not," she agreed, "we just are."

_And baby don't look back,  
Odds don't stack  
They just crumble down around you.  
Oh, you gotta go away if you wanna come back  
I won't crack I can't make a sound without you._

"I see," was all he said

_And even if it sounds crazy darling I won't let you go  
And even if it don't stop raining darling I won't let you go  
And even if the world's burning darling I won't let you go  
Even if it sounds crazy darling I won't let you go._

Rachel's eyes found Jesse's and she smiled. He smiled as he continued to sing and nodded in her direction.

_Know your way down your music, your town  
You never are walking alone  
A storm that won't wait, a heart that won't break  
Your mountains ain't made out of stone.  
So baby don't look back odds don't stack  
They just crumble down around you  
Oh you gotta go away if you wanna come back  
I won't crack I can't make a sound without you._

"You know Finn would want you to be happy, right?"

Rachel nodded slowly against his cheek, "Yeah, I know. I miss him. A lot. I know he's never coming back."

"You're never going to forget him and you're not replacing him. You could never do either," puck paused then letting out a sigh. "I am going to say something and you can slap me. I would understand."

_And even if it sounds crazy darling I won't let you go  
And even if it don't ever stop raining darling I won't let you go  
And even if the world's burning darling I won't let you go  
Even if it sounds crazy, darling._

The string players began to play alongside Jesse in a beautiful melody making up the musical break.

"Rachel, I have known you for years. You hold onto things. And that's okay but you know what you're doing to Jesse. He loves you and will show it as long as he has too but you know it's not fair," puck stated softly, "at the rehearsal you were all lovely and then all week you avoided him as best you could."

"And today, we are back to how we were on Monday," Rachel concluded

"Yes. The yo-yo is understandable but you need to pick a side. You're either with him or just his friend," Puck looked at the young woman in the eye, "Don't let the two blend in anymore. I never thought I'd say this but Jesse is a good guy, don't hurt him like that."

_So Baby don't look back,  
Odds don't stack they just crumble down, around you.  
Oh you gotta go away, if you wanna come back  
I won't crack I can't make a sound without you  
and even if it sounds crazy darling I won't let you go_

The music picked up in a climatic way. The full strings coming into it, giving it an orchestrated sound. Rachel laid her head on Puck's shoulder and watched Jesse as they danced. His eyes were transfixed on Rachel as though he was tearing into her psyche. The world around them disappeared, it was as if the two of them were the only ones who were in the room. Rachel's swaying was no longer a mental thought but instead, a simple reflex.

_And even if it don't ever stop raining darling I won't let you go  
And even if the world's burning darling I won't let you go_

The music slowed right down once again. Jesse looked down and hid the emotions on his face, though his voice was giving it away. The emotions were clear as day. Rachel stopped dancing and just focused on Jesse, Puck standing beside her with a smile on his face. He leaned down and kissed her on the cheek.

"Be happy," was all he said as he walked off the dance floor, leaving Rachel standing on the side alone.

_Even if it sounds crazy, darling I won't let  
you go_

The music went back to the same slow, haunting melody it did when it first started. Rachel walked over to the piano and sat down beside Jesse. The memory of the time they sang together in the library came to mind. Rachel studied the papers laid out in front of Jesse and with their eyes locked on one another, they sang.

_Jesse with Rachel:  
No I can't, No I never will, never ever would, No I never could let you go_

_No I just can't, No I never will, never ever would, No I never could let you go_

_[x3]_

The music died down and the two kept their eyes transfixed on one another. Puck took advantage of this and grabbed the guitar, motioning to the former Jazz band members from McKinley High to join him on stage, which they did happily.

"Let's pick things up a bit, shall we?" Puck said, playing a few chords on the guitar, "I want to see everyone dancing, let's rock this out!"

Puck played an upbeat chord on the guitar and looked over at Ashleigh with a wink and a grin on his face, making her blush, even if she attempted to hide it.

_I don't know if you're ready to go  
Where I'm willing to take you girl  
I will feel every inch of your skin  
And you know I can rock your world  
Imma be the calm in the storm you're looking for  
I'll be the shipwreck that takes you down  
I don't mind if you lie in my bed  
We can stay here forever now._

Once the music picked up by the full band, Rachel and Jesse came out of their trance and grabbed each other's hand, leaping onto the dance floor with one another. Everyone was making their way to the extremely large dance floor, enjoying Puck's performance.

_Ouuu oohhhhh  
Turn off the lights  
Take off your clothes  
Turn on the stereo  
Ouuu oohhhhh  
Give up the fight  
I'm in control  
Why don't you let it go.  
Yeah, I wanna know you inside out  
I'll spend my life trying to figure out  
Just close your eyes and shut your mouth  
And let me kiss you inside out._

Puck began to walk around the room as he sang, he found Ashleigh by the side of the room, fixing a centre piece at one of the tables. He slid beside her and sang to her, which made her incredibly giddy and somewhat embarrassed.

_I don't care if you steal all my air  
we can breath in together as one  
it's all right if you're here every night  
waking up with you in the sun  
we start with an hour and we find we waste the day  
kicking back with the love we found.  
I don't mind if you lie in my bed  
we can stay here forever now_

He kissed her cheek, giving her a wink and head back to the band. He grabbed Jesse as he walked by, getting a look of protest from Rachel who was snatched up for a dance by Starchild, one she reluctantly accepted. She would have much rather been dancing to a song of this nature with Jesse.

_Puck with Jesse:  
Ouuu oohhhhh  
Turn off the lights  
Take off your clothes  
Turn on the stereo  
Ouuu oohhhhh  
Give up the fight  
I'm in control  
Why don't you let it go  
Yeah, I wanna know you inside out  
I'll spend my life trying to figure out  
Just close your eyes and shut your mouth  
And let me kiss you inside out._

Jesse playfully pushed Puck aside and took over the lead on the song for a moment. He sang with slight dramatics, making Rachel giggle.

_Jesse:  
let me love you, let me love you  
let me love you babe.  
let me love you, let me love you  
let me love you babe.  
let me love you, let me love you  
let me love you babe.  
let me love you, let me love you  
let me love you babe._

He turned to Puck and the two stood with Jesse's arm resting on Puck's shoulder.

_Jesse:  
I don't mind if you lie in my bed  
We can stay here forever now._

Jesse went back onto the dance floor and grabbed Rachel's hand, singing as he danced with her while Puck continued to jump around on the makeshift stage.

_Puck with (Jesse):  
Ouuu oohhhhh (yeaaah oooo)  
Turn off the lights  
Take off your clothes  
Turn on the stereo  
Ouuu oohhhhh  
Give up the fight (yeaaahh)  
I'm in control  
Why don't you let it go (just let it go)  
Yeah, I wanna know you inside out (i wanna know you inside out)  
I'll spend my life trying to figure out (i'll spend my life trying to figure it out)  
Just close your eyes and shut your mouth (just figure it out)  
And let me kiss you inside out.  
I wanna know you inside out.  
(I'll spend my life trying to figure out)  
Just close your eyes and shut your mouth  
And let me kiss you inside out._

The guests cheered enthusiastically. Rachel wrapped her arms around Jesse's neck and whispered to him that it was an awesome performance that he did, referring to the ballad he had performed. The two of them spent the rest of the night making small talk as they danced the night away. Rachel planned on opting out of performing that night, however, her fellow New Direction female members convinced her to perform an encore performance of '_Start Me Up/Livin' On a Prayer'_ and Jesse got her to sing _'Hello 12, Hello 13, Hello Love'_ with him.

* * *

It was about two a.m. when Rachel and Jesse stumbled into the penthouse. Jesse was still intoxicated heavily from the festivities while Rachel was mildly buzzed. The two of them excited the elevator singing Hello 12 and just being overall very goofy with one another, something Rachel loved. Jesse stumbled over one of the tables in the hallway, knocking over a vase and a few photographs, which resulted in a giggle Fest from Rachel when he shot up to his feet, yelling 'I'm okay!' Rachel guided Jesse into their room and convinced him to get changed into a pair of sweatpants. To her surprise, he began singing a drunken rendition of 'Kiss You Inside Out' while performing a makeshift strip tease.

"Jesse! Stop that and get changed!" Rachel exclaimed, blushing profusely.

"Oh you like it," Jesse purred, throwing his dress shirt at her, letting out his chest, making Rachel blush even more. "I've got abs that could make that Brody cry."

"Okay, bed, now," Rachel ordered as she blushed, laying his shirt on the back of a chair in the room.

Jesse changed into the sweat pants and sat on the bed pouting. Rachel walked into the room with a glass of water and Advil and placed it on the night stand beside the bed. He took hold of her hand and looked at her. Her heart broke a little at the look on his face. His pleading eyes were incredibly sad. She stood in between his legs and ran a finger down his cheek.

"Why could you be with him and not me?" Jesse asked

"I was with Finn before…." Rachel began but was cut off

"Not Finn, Brody," Jesse snapped causing Rachel to sigh sadly, "What is it about him that's so much better than me?"

"He was a rebound," Rachel answered simply, "It's that simple."

"You lived with him, fucked him…"

Rachel went to turn and pull away from him, "No, Jesse, let me go. I was trying to drown the pain from the breakup. I loved him, yes, but I wasn't in love with him. I've only been in love with two people."

Jesse looked at the floor, "I feel like I'm not good enough for you. Like it's never enough."

Rachel lifted his chin and looked in his eyes, "Never think that. I'm the one that's not good enough but yet you love me anyway."

"All I've ever wanted is for you to be mine," Jesse said, sadly.

"I am yours," Rachel kissed his forehead, "Let's just take it a day at a time, alright? But let's start with some sleep, shall we?"

"Will you lay with me?" He asked, his voice cracking.

Rachel smiled lovingly, "of course I will, Jesse."

Rachel climbed into the bed and cuddled into his side. The two lay there in silence for what seemed like eternity.

"I love you, Rach," Jesse whispered as he fell into a slumber.

"I love you too," Rachel whispered into his chest, closing her eyes, allowing sleep to claim her.

* * *

There ya have it. There's no title on what they are... they just are.

Music:

I Wont Let You Go (Darling)- Hedley

Kiss You Inside Out - Hedley

Hope you enjoyed it. Much more to come.


End file.
